The worst harmonica player ever

I was 6 when I first blew into a harmonica. Unfortunately, the musical ability of my grandmother never made it to me. I never learned how to play it.

I can happily say that as bad as I am with the mouth organ, I think I found someone worse than me.

Oddly enough, I saw a guy today who couldn't carry a tune if it jumped into his front pocket. He was sitting on the street playing with complete emotion. Despite his bulky mittens he continued to make odd cat calling noises that put life into the downtown area.

Two hours went by since my first encounter. When I was walking back to the car, he was still there, in the same spot. Musically speaking he sucked! I couldn't help but notice his passion and dedication to the craft on a less than favourable wintery day.

He is a street person. Outside of his social and financial situation, I admire him. To not care about what anyone thinks and to play his craft from the heart was very inspiring.

Thank you nameless harmonica player. You made my day.

Not goodbye, just see you later.

It was October. As the summer said its last goodbyes and as the full effect of autumn started to settle in. Daytime temperatures dropped from 20 degrees down to a cool 10 degrees. Still warm enough to wear a T-shirt during the day, too cold to drive a motorcycle at night.

The year was 1993. I was home from university for Thanksgiving. My gramma had been sick with lung cancer for a few years. She was now bed ridden. She didn't have enough energy to get out of bed. To see her, we had to go into her bedroom.

There was always someone with her. She didn't have the same joie de vivre about her. It wasn't her fault. She was dying.  

I remember the last time I talked to her. I went into her bedroom. I sat on her bed and held her hand. Being 20 years old, I didn't know what to say so I just sat there and talked about nothing. When it came time to leave, I gave her a hug and said one simple word... "Goodbye". 

What else could I say? I had never experienced death of a loved one. She had survived these types of scares before. The fighter that she was could survive another bout with death. She was my gramma and she was capable of doing anything. 

Her response to my farewell will forever be with me. She stared intently into my eyes and replied, "Not goodbye, just see you later". 

My grandmother refused to say goodbye to me. She died 2 weeks later while I was at school. It's not often I can remember the last conversation I have with a loved one, but this one was unforgettable.

Man, I miss her. Some days I wish I could play one more hand of cards with her. She loved her cards...

A weekend to remember

I was 23 when my wife and I started dating. We worked for the same company and became work friends. We would lunch together with other friends. One night, we went to a movie together. Another night, we played tennis. We were purely platonic friends. Others knew we were dating before we realized our feelings were mutual.

I liked her but I had experience in losing girl friendships in my attempts to escalate the relationship. With my this girl, I decided that I was not going to lose her. I fully accepted the "just friends" rule. What I didn't know is that she had similar feelings for me.

Thankfully she goes after what she wants!

Three weeks into our new enhanced relationship, the inevitable trip to her parents came calling. I was informed her parents could not speak English. Wow! I didn't know that still happened in New Brunswick. I thought everyone was assimilated. With 7 years French Immersion in my back pocket, I got ready for a weekend that I was expecting to be extremely painful.

At the midway point of the three hour drive to her parents, Aline informed me that since she was a little girl, she had always had a deep desire to adopt a child.  We're three weeks into a new romance. If travelling to visit her parents wasn't scary enough, the discussion of children was putting this relationship in turbulent waters. Luckily, I really liked her.

Then she told me that her father was a man of few words. So I shouldn't be offended if he doesn't talk too much. This weekend was looking better and better by the minute.

Upon arrival at her parents, my broken French combined with her parents' severe broken English made for a very comical weekend. I had a humbling moment when her 3 year old nephew started correcting my French grammar.

Aline didn't know her father very well. He never stopped talking to me for the entire weekend.

Her mom reminded Aline that when she was 5, she had gotten into a fight with her brother over the TV. He was mad because she wanted to watch English TV and neither could understand what was being said. Aline rationalized that she had to learn the language so she could marry her English husband.

So in that first weekend at her parents' house, we discussed kids and marriage.

I have to be honest. It didn't scare me at all. I really did like her. She was what I had been searching for in a life partner. She was and still is very awesome.

From Aline's childhood, she accurately predicted adoption and marriage to an English guy. She has a keen connection to the universe. With all her voodoo, witch craft, power of thought, I try really hard not to piss her off. Although she informs me her talents are used solely for good, I'm wary she might cast a spell on me.

Fake it until you make it

My first job out of university, I was told to dress for success. I had to wear a suit and tie every day. The logic was that if I dressed professionally, I would act professionally. I have to admit, because I dressed nice, I felt good about myself. And hence, I probably treated people a bit better. The way I dressed affected my attitude.

When I started my first business, I read that I need to fake it until I make it. The logic was people like to do business with successful people. For years, I challenged this thinking because it seemed like a personal marketing tactic. It isn’t authentic. It’s fake from the highest level. It’s not authentic. You’re fake if you fake it. You might wear a thousand dollar suit, drive a fancy car, but your house doesn’t have any furniture in it.

I was brought up that keeping up with the Joneses is a strategy in which no one wins unless you’re selling to them. I’ve never prescribed to this strategy.

Then I read a passage in a book this morning. The fake it until I make it isn’t for others. It’s for the person doing it.

Again, it’s about changing your attitude about yourself. As you feel good about yourself, you change the beliefs of what you can accomplish. As you change your beliefs, you start acting differently. As you act in a more positive, focused approach, you ultimately get what you dressed for.

Attitude drives belief. Belief drives actions. Action drives results.

Ever feel stupid?

I have a lot of business meetings. I spend a lot of time with smart people. I have a Masters degree in business. Some will consider me an educated person. I meet people all of the time who talk over my head. They use fancy words. They have a gift. A gift to talk with influence, without hesitation, with authority…

They sound convincing. The use of big words and their confidence is mesmerizing. I get drawn into these conversations and come out feeling stupid. Why can’t I talk like them? I have lots of confidence. I am continuously learning.

The people I learn from best have a command on the usage of words, but use them in an eloquent, understandable, simple way. I’m not a rocket scientist. Life isn’t complicated. I have a lot to learn.

I like to talk in simple terms so everyone can understand what I’m saying. I don’t need you to think I’m smart. I want you to believe in what I have to say so you can change your life.

Actions are driven by beliefs. Beliefs are driven by attitude. Help someone change their attitude and you’ll get a different result guaranteed.

Whether it’s our spouse, our children, our coworkers or our friends/family, if there’s something we don’t like about them, we want them to change. We try to change them. We ask them to change. Actions will never see sustainable change until attitude changes. Attitudes are a personal decision.

My attitude toward these complicated talkers creates a limiting belief. I believe complicated talkers are seemingly smart. And I tend to trust them more than I should. Complicated talkers are no smarter than you and I. They’ve mastered language. They have power of influence with usage of words. There is no indication that they can make better decisions.

Character versus Reputation

Ego cares a lot about reputation. Reputation is how others see you. The ego acts in a way to create a desired reputation.

That reputation may not be indicative of the person at all. It is only a perception, an image that we see.

As kids, our parents used to warn us about our reputation. Be careful what you do, you don't want a bad reputation. It was the one thing we had to continuously protect like a carton of eggs. It must not get broken.

I always thought that character was derived from reputation. It has no relation at all.

Reputation is how others perceive you. Character is what you do when no one else is looking.

Which would you rather have?

A person of outstanding character will not be swayed by ego. She will always do what is right, even when no one else would know the difference. Ego asks us to do what is right for self, not for what is right for others.

I am my worst enemy

The worst things that happen to me are usually my own doing. I get bent out of shape because of someone else who did something to me, yet when I look at the bigger picture, I can usually identify where I contributed to the problem and made it bigger with my actions/words.

Why do I do that? I don't do it on purpose. I don't lose control and say things I really don't mean. So what could cause me to make these situations worse?

I've been listening to a lot of Wayne Dyer lately. He says that being humble is the way to righteousness. Righteousness is the way to to getting everything you ever wanted. Most people's ego gets in the way. He even puts an acronym to EGO with the words "Edging God Out". Although I believe in God, I'm not going to wave a bible around and pretend to know what I'm talking about when it comes to this stuff.

I have identified that I have a very healthy ego. I also try to keep it in check, but being an introvert, I take a lot of things way too personal and end up feeding my ego, which derails my thinking and my opportunities.

I'm on a quest to find out where ego exists in the psyche. There really is no place for it in my life. The more I pay attention to it, the smaller it gets. It's like a parasite. Without a host, it cannot survive. Just realizing it is there and not feeding it will kill it, just like any other bad habit. 

Ever hear the line, when you point a finger at someone for your problems, you have three more pointing back at you? Basically, the lesson is to take responsibility for all that happens to us.

Are there sociopaths in the world? Absolutely! We create most of our headaches to ourselves. Think about that the next time, you feel you've been wronged. You'll be really surprised.