Small minds talk about people

I think there's a part of human nature to want to talk about someone else.

Let's face it. Talking about someone is easy. Having an opinion about someone's actions is even easier. We have experience with that person. Hence we can share our feelings, opinions, events of our relationship.

People mess up. We don't expect perfection from ourselves yet we expect it from others. We want them to act a certain way and when they don't, we use our tongues like poisonous needles piercing the ears of anyone who will listen to our strife.

To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements" discusses why humans live a hellish life on this planet and what needs to be done to transcend the dream-like state humans are in to enter a life of bliss.

His four agreements are broken down into the following:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

His first agreement is what is being discussed. It is not only what you say to other people, but also to yourself. Negative self-talk, talking about other people, other's actions, problems keeps us in a state of paralysis.

In finishing the book this weekend, it was easy to pay attention to my discussion with colleagues. It is disgusting how much my peeps and I avoid the first agreement. 

I met a new client with similar background as mine. We travelled the same circles, knew the same people but we had never met. It was easy to establish a rapport. Within five minutes, with both of our guards down, he confessed that his business was suffering. He explained what were the reasons for the decline. Then he gossiped for the next 45 minutes and spoke poorly about a number of people in our same industry.

Conversely, I spent 2 days with a group of people last week discussing visions, ideas, goals, and strategy. At the end of the "retreat", each of them had specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely goals.

The time spent with the group was intense. Each of us left the sessions with a fresh outlook on our business lives.

Ruiz says that we have to be conscious of our acts before we can correct them. 

Try this exercise for the next week. After every conversation, write down in a notebook any times you were not impeccable with your word. Then detail it out and write what you can do different next time. 

You can't fix it if you can't measure it. Measure how often you revert to small thinking. Then work toward reducing it each and every week.

It'll be hard. Anything worth it is always hard. 

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