The battle of your brain

If you're like me, the decision to do or not do is a battle every day.

The world pays attention to doers and ignores the non-doers. To live and have the world not notice you is a choice. It's a poor choice filled with limited opportunities, self-loathing, unfulfilled desires and regret.

But it's still a choice.

To not do is safe.
According to Abraham Maslow, safety and security is what you need after your belly is full.
Physical security is important for survival.
If you're facing physical danger with lions, tigers and bears.

Most of your fears are not based on physical danger.
They are based on mental ones.

One mental danger is the fear of not belonging.

You don't want to be shunned from a tribe, laughed into the wilderness, and cast off to a desert island.

That fear haunts you with every step.

As it does me almost every day.

Imagine a room filled with people you feel are smarter, and richer than you.
One of them knows Oprah.
One has his own TV show.
Another has a private jet.
You've been invited to this room, just like all the others.

I know how I'd feel because it happened to me. I was like Wayne Campbell in the movie, Wayne's World mouthing silently,

"We're not worthy. We're not worthy."

It's hard not to be the bumbling idiot in the room. The imposter syndrome shows up at just the wrong time.

In my room, we were asked if we had anything to share.
I had two pieces of writing: a radio ad and a blog post that I was proud of.

When it came time to share, I stumbled. I shook. I hesitated.
Ultimately, I lost an opportunity to demonstrate what I was capable of.

And now I live in regret, which is much worse than getting cast out of the tribe.

Deconstructing my own behaviour I noticed something.
I am insecure at my core.
As an artist, I don't want people to critique my work.
I don't want people to tell me my baby is ugly.
To be judged scares the crap out of me.

At the same time, I'm a proud papa.
No matter how ugly the baby, I love him just the same because I created him.

While my two minds of Insecure artist and Proud papa argued what to do, time slipped away.
The bumbling fan watched the superstars be great.
And instead of being on the same field, I became a fanboy.

And another opportunity was lost.
Until next time, when the battle rages again.

I encourage you to be vulnerable. To let your greatness loose.
Regret is a powerful pain that cannot be measured.

When you're vulnerable, people notice you.
Most people wear a mask to protect their flaws.
Shedding your mask is attractive to others as they struggle with authenticity for themselves.
And when they see you doing it,  you become more likeable.

It's ok to be afraid.
If you weren't, you wouldn't be human.

But act despite it. Opportunity is exponential.