I sit here and I write about my cat walking by my sofa. He's a funny kitty. Actually he's not that funny. He's never once told me a joke.
He's funny-weird, not funny-haha.
We're all a bit weird, don't ya think?
It's our weirdness that makes us unique.
It's our weirdness that embarrasses our kids.
I remember a moment when I was embarrassed of my parents. I was 13. I was invited to my first house party. My parents dropped me off at the end of the street at my request so none of my friends would see them. But little did I know, there were three girls walking on the other side of the street when my dad stopped. They were going to the same party. I was frozen with fear. My dad always did shit to get a laugh out of people.
They all said hi to my parents. Dad pulled out his comedy routine and the girls giggled. Not sure if they giggled because of the awkardness or if they actually thought he was funny.
Now that I'm older, I've come to appreciate him much more. He is funny. The stupid teenager in me couldn't see that past his hormones.
That's too bad! It was a waste of good times between father and son.
I'm traumatizing my kids today doing the same stupid shit my dad pulled on me.
I think I'm funny.
They don't.
I hope one day they do.
Am I funny-weird or funny-haha?
Who knows for sure?
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Monday, November 23, 2015
The meeting of a lifetime
Anyone who meets me for the first time will think I'm shy. I tend to listen and not speak.
Confidence is not a skill I lack.
Except when it came to courting girls in my youth.
I got around the problem with alcohol. Large doses of it...
Except when it came to one specific girl.
We worked together. I walked by her everyday at the front desk and hurriedly whispered "hello" on the way to my cubicle. She was pretty, but I did not know her.
My friends told me great stories about her.
She was out of my "league".
My two best friends wanted to go camping. They were living together so any camping was going to end up with them getting cuddly, while I sat coldly on the other side of the campfire. Having been down the third wheel path with them before, I declined the invitation unless we brought another person, preferably female.
They invited the front desk girl, who immediately accepted. Intimidated by her beauty, I asked my friend to drive with me while his girlfriend and the front desk girl drove in a separate car.
We arrived at the campground, laughed, joked, played some stupid games and drank. We had two tents: one for the lovebirds and one for me and the front desk girl. That's a lot of pressure for two strangers. So we drank and talked while the lovebirds expectedly cuddled on the other side of the campfire.
I was nervous. I drank a bit too much. Yet I remained a gentleman. My mom would've been so proud. Once we got back to the tent, I curled into my sleeping bag at farthest side of the tent so as not to offend or scare off my new roommate. As I slowly slipped into sleep, I noticed my companion didn't have a pillow. With a pillow and an extra blanket, I offered her mine. At first she refused, but once she realized I wasn't going to take "no" for an answer, she took it. I didn't need the benefit of a pillow. The alcohol helped soothed me into a dreamy sleep with the extra blanket nestled beneath my head.
That night sparked a friendship. Although she smelled like other girls, she was different.
A few weeks later, she called me to go see a movie. It still sounded like a friendship, but other "girl" friends had never done that.
At the moves, she asked if I wanted to play tennis sometime. After tennis, he asked if I wanted go to dinner sometime.
I think about that time and wonder what I was thinking. She clearly liked me. But history tells a story the present does not always know.
In each moment, it wasn't clear if the front desk girl wanted a friend or a boyfriend. So as much as I was really enjoying her company, I played it cool. I had been down the confusing road of friend versus boyfriend before. I was happy to have a new friend and didn't want to ruin a good thing by pushing the wrong buttons.
So in my non-aggressive way, the front desk girl wasn't sure if I was interested in her.
I invited her over to watch a movie at my apartment. I popped in a movie starring Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep. I had no idea what "Bridges of Madison County" was about. About ten minutes into the movie, I rubbed I my elbow. I played a lot of softball that summer and tendonitis had crept into my right elbow.
The front desk girl offered to rub it for me.
Boom! Now I knew she liked me.
You never have to sell to someone who is willing to buy.
She started to rub my sore elbow and leaned in for a magical touch of the lips. She leaned in and I'm sure someone started playing a harp in the room.
Our first kiss was in a basement apartment watching a movie about a middle aged woman's internal struggle of loyalty versus adultery.
Two months later I proposed marriage to the front desk girl.
Two years after that, I married the girl of my dreams.
The little front desk girl is not only my wife, she's also my business partner, the mother of my children and to this day my best friend.
Who would've known that a whispered hello would result into a lifetime of meaning?
Confidence is not a skill I lack.
Except when it came to courting girls in my youth.
I got around the problem with alcohol. Large doses of it...
Except when it came to one specific girl.
We worked together. I walked by her everyday at the front desk and hurriedly whispered "hello" on the way to my cubicle. She was pretty, but I did not know her.
My friends told me great stories about her.
She was out of my "league".
My two best friends wanted to go camping. They were living together so any camping was going to end up with them getting cuddly, while I sat coldly on the other side of the campfire. Having been down the third wheel path with them before, I declined the invitation unless we brought another person, preferably female.
They invited the front desk girl, who immediately accepted. Intimidated by her beauty, I asked my friend to drive with me while his girlfriend and the front desk girl drove in a separate car.
We arrived at the campground, laughed, joked, played some stupid games and drank. We had two tents: one for the lovebirds and one for me and the front desk girl. That's a lot of pressure for two strangers. So we drank and talked while the lovebirds expectedly cuddled on the other side of the campfire.
I was nervous. I drank a bit too much. Yet I remained a gentleman. My mom would've been so proud. Once we got back to the tent, I curled into my sleeping bag at farthest side of the tent so as not to offend or scare off my new roommate. As I slowly slipped into sleep, I noticed my companion didn't have a pillow. With a pillow and an extra blanket, I offered her mine. At first she refused, but once she realized I wasn't going to take "no" for an answer, she took it. I didn't need the benefit of a pillow. The alcohol helped soothed me into a dreamy sleep with the extra blanket nestled beneath my head.
That night sparked a friendship. Although she smelled like other girls, she was different.
A few weeks later, she called me to go see a movie. It still sounded like a friendship, but other "girl" friends had never done that.
At the moves, she asked if I wanted to play tennis sometime. After tennis, he asked if I wanted go to dinner sometime.
I think about that time and wonder what I was thinking. She clearly liked me. But history tells a story the present does not always know.
In each moment, it wasn't clear if the front desk girl wanted a friend or a boyfriend. So as much as I was really enjoying her company, I played it cool. I had been down the confusing road of friend versus boyfriend before. I was happy to have a new friend and didn't want to ruin a good thing by pushing the wrong buttons.
So in my non-aggressive way, the front desk girl wasn't sure if I was interested in her.
I invited her over to watch a movie at my apartment. I popped in a movie starring Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep. I had no idea what "Bridges of Madison County" was about. About ten minutes into the movie, I rubbed I my elbow. I played a lot of softball that summer and tendonitis had crept into my right elbow.
The front desk girl offered to rub it for me.
Boom! Now I knew she liked me.
You never have to sell to someone who is willing to buy.
She started to rub my sore elbow and leaned in for a magical touch of the lips. She leaned in and I'm sure someone started playing a harp in the room.
Our first kiss was in a basement apartment watching a movie about a middle aged woman's internal struggle of loyalty versus adultery.
Two months later I proposed marriage to the front desk girl.
Two years after that, I married the girl of my dreams.
The little front desk girl is not only my wife, she's also my business partner, the mother of my children and to this day my best friend.
Who would've known that a whispered hello would result into a lifetime of meaning?
Sunday, November 22, 2015
All Nazis were German
Not all Germans were Nazis.
Just like not all white people are Klan members.
There are assholes in every race or religion. I used to have an asshole neighbour. It didn't mean everyone on my street was like him.
And the same goes for Muslims.
To classify an entire group of people into a category based on colour of skin, race or religion is by definition racism.
Why do some of our "so called" friends do this?
They are afraid.
Or, maybe the shroud of their actual beliefs come out when they are stressed. Just like orange juice comes out of an orange when we squeeze it. Maybe some of the people we know are just plain racist.
Fear can cause people to do crazy things.
Do you know what is the opposite of fear?
Faith.
These are crazy times. But we must not be afraid of what "might" happen.
Fear is not given to us. We create it. Terrorist can't create fear. They can only set the stage. Fear has to be manufactured by us. It's an emotion.
To be afraid is our fault. Stop blaming the assholes.
In these trying times, it is now more important than ever to have faith that everything will be ok.
And if it isn't?
Death is inevitable.
If some asshole decides to bomb my house, run me off the road or behead me, I have to accept my fate. But I won't be afraid. I believe the likelihood of it happening is so small. It's not worth the worry. Life too short. I will live until I no longer can't.
I'm not afraid of terrorists. I'm afraid of the people I have known my whole life succumbing to a fear that isn't real.
Paris was a tragedy. Assholes did that. I sympathize with the French.
Kenya happened six months earlier. Assholes were responsible for that too. No one changed their Facebook profile picture in support of the Kenyans who lost their lives.
France is a world economic superpower. Kenya's gift to the world is marathon runners.
People were affected by both terrorism acts.
Brown, Black or white, there are assholes everywhere.
It's time we stop worrying about what could happen. We could die tomorrow. We don't need a terrorist for that.
Just because there are a bunch of assholes in the world doesn't give us the right to increase the population of them.
Put crazy away. There's enough of it already in the world. Let's be more humane to each other.
Just like not all white people are Klan members.
There are assholes in every race or religion. I used to have an asshole neighbour. It didn't mean everyone on my street was like him.
And the same goes for Muslims.
To classify an entire group of people into a category based on colour of skin, race or religion is by definition racism.
Why do some of our "so called" friends do this?
They are afraid.
Or, maybe the shroud of their actual beliefs come out when they are stressed. Just like orange juice comes out of an orange when we squeeze it. Maybe some of the people we know are just plain racist.
Fear can cause people to do crazy things.
Do you know what is the opposite of fear?
Faith.
These are crazy times. But we must not be afraid of what "might" happen.
Fear is not given to us. We create it. Terrorist can't create fear. They can only set the stage. Fear has to be manufactured by us. It's an emotion.
To be afraid is our fault. Stop blaming the assholes.
In these trying times, it is now more important than ever to have faith that everything will be ok.
And if it isn't?
Death is inevitable.
If some asshole decides to bomb my house, run me off the road or behead me, I have to accept my fate. But I won't be afraid. I believe the likelihood of it happening is so small. It's not worth the worry. Life too short. I will live until I no longer can't.
I'm not afraid of terrorists. I'm afraid of the people I have known my whole life succumbing to a fear that isn't real.
Paris was a tragedy. Assholes did that. I sympathize with the French.
Kenya happened six months earlier. Assholes were responsible for that too. No one changed their Facebook profile picture in support of the Kenyans who lost their lives.
France is a world economic superpower. Kenya's gift to the world is marathon runners.
People were affected by both terrorism acts.
Brown, Black or white, there are assholes everywhere.
It's time we stop worrying about what could happen. We could die tomorrow. We don't need a terrorist for that.
Just because there are a bunch of assholes in the world doesn't give us the right to increase the population of them.
Put crazy away. There's enough of it already in the world. Let's be more humane to each other.
Friday, November 20, 2015
The mask
We played together
We laughed at the same jokes
We cried when life looked us in the eye
We drank and were merry
But do you know me
How could you?
I barely know myself
I've been wearing a mask my whole life
Hiding from the world
Hiding from you
Hiding from me
And all I want is escape
The life I live is not my own
It is yours, in which I play a role for you to see
I desire to be free
Like an eagle
Majestic, king of the wind
Living a life of extraordinary luxury
With no consequence
Life is dark
Life is lonely
Life is short
You think you know me.
You know my mask
I wear it well.
We laughed at the same jokes
We cried when life looked us in the eye
We drank and were merry
But do you know me
How could you?
I barely know myself
I've been wearing a mask my whole life
Hiding from the world
Hiding from you
Hiding from me
And all I want is escape
The life I live is not my own
It is yours, in which I play a role for you to see
I desire to be free
Like an eagle
Majestic, king of the wind
Living a life of extraordinary luxury
With no consequence
Life is dark
Life is lonely
Life is short
You think you know me.
You know my mask
I wear it well.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Need vs Want
You can't always have what you want.
But if you try sometimes.
You get what you need.
Balancing life's priorities with life's desires are two different fish.
It's like comparing a brook trout to a tuna.
We do what we need to do in order to get what we want to do.
The responsible adult struggles with this compromise.
We live a life of desires, through a life of necessity.
Compromising individuals find happiness in life's little treasures. Those who will not compromise live a life of misery and bliss. Life's little treasures are found in life's style. And you can't have lifestyle without style.
There is no middle ground. The smart choice is compromise.
But there's a cost to compromise. It cannot be measured through inaction.
The drug of desire pushes the unsettled into action.
The smoke of need hides our true intentions.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know. I'll tell you when I grow up.
But if you try sometimes.
You get what you need.
Balancing life's priorities with life's desires are two different fish.
It's like comparing a brook trout to a tuna.
We do what we need to do in order to get what we want to do.
The responsible adult struggles with this compromise.
We live a life of desires, through a life of necessity.
Compromising individuals find happiness in life's little treasures. Those who will not compromise live a life of misery and bliss. Life's little treasures are found in life's style. And you can't have lifestyle without style.
There is no middle ground. The smart choice is compromise.
But there's a cost to compromise. It cannot be measured through inaction.
The drug of desire pushes the unsettled into action.
The smoke of need hides our true intentions.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know. I'll tell you when I grow up.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Suffering from multiple personality disorder
I'm going to tell you something today that I've never shared with anyone, including my wife or my mom.
There are days I wake up and the world is a simple game that can be won. Other days, I would rather die than leave the couch. I can't explain it. The more I think, the worse it gets. If I do non-thinking tasks like watching tv or playing video games, the feelings go away. Some people may call it bi-polar. But I'd rather not.
I think we all suffer from dual polarity. It's the extreme cases that get our attention. It's the people who can't escape the lows without help that become dangerous.
I'm not like that. Most likely, neither are you.
I also suffer from a light case of multiple personality disorder. It's never been diagnosed either.
The personality who talks to my mother is a confident Sheldon Cooper.
The guy who talks to my dad is a non-technical Red Green.
When I talk to my sister an less funny Jerry Seinfeld emerges.
My wife would say I'm more like a smart Charlie Brown.
I've noticed that a different character shows up when I need him. It's my mask that I wear in order to live in this complicated world.
Chances are you don't know the real me.
You've only seen the character I allow out when we meet.
I don't think I'm not alone.
In Michael Gerber's E-Myth, the author suggests business owners have three personalities inside of us.
The technician who desires to do the work.
The manager who desires control and lives in the past.
The entrepreneur who is a dreamer and lives in the future.
He thinks every business owner struggles with the conflict of these personalities. And he uses a simple example to explain his point.
Each of us have the skinny and fat personality. If we want to lose weight, one day the skinny person makes the decision to buy the equipment necessary to shed unneeded pounds. He decides to eat better. And in the first few weeks, the skinny guy loses a couple of pounds. The commitment increases. The skinny guy is motivated to continue with increased vigour. Then one day, the results aren't there. The bathroom scale doesn't move. Disappointment sets in a bit as the fat guy shows his shadow telling the skinny guy "I told you so". The next day it rains, or we're tired, or we have too much to do, and the fat guy shows up in full form. We then rationalize why we can't do what we were doing. We break our habits and the fat personality takes over what was always his.
If you have struggled with weight loss, as I have, you know this story all too well.
Business owners struggle with the three personalities.
I believe everyone struggles with a light case of multiple personality disorder.
If not, I might be going mad.
There are days I wake up and the world is a simple game that can be won. Other days, I would rather die than leave the couch. I can't explain it. The more I think, the worse it gets. If I do non-thinking tasks like watching tv or playing video games, the feelings go away. Some people may call it bi-polar. But I'd rather not.
I think we all suffer from dual polarity. It's the extreme cases that get our attention. It's the people who can't escape the lows without help that become dangerous.
I'm not like that. Most likely, neither are you.
I also suffer from a light case of multiple personality disorder. It's never been diagnosed either.
The personality who talks to my mother is a confident Sheldon Cooper.
The guy who talks to my dad is a non-technical Red Green.
When I talk to my sister an less funny Jerry Seinfeld emerges.
My wife would say I'm more like a smart Charlie Brown.
I've noticed that a different character shows up when I need him. It's my mask that I wear in order to live in this complicated world.
Chances are you don't know the real me.
You've only seen the character I allow out when we meet.
I don't think I'm not alone.
In Michael Gerber's E-Myth, the author suggests business owners have three personalities inside of us.
The technician who desires to do the work.
The manager who desires control and lives in the past.
The entrepreneur who is a dreamer and lives in the future.
He thinks every business owner struggles with the conflict of these personalities. And he uses a simple example to explain his point.
Each of us have the skinny and fat personality. If we want to lose weight, one day the skinny person makes the decision to buy the equipment necessary to shed unneeded pounds. He decides to eat better. And in the first few weeks, the skinny guy loses a couple of pounds. The commitment increases. The skinny guy is motivated to continue with increased vigour. Then one day, the results aren't there. The bathroom scale doesn't move. Disappointment sets in a bit as the fat guy shows his shadow telling the skinny guy "I told you so". The next day it rains, or we're tired, or we have too much to do, and the fat guy shows up in full form. We then rationalize why we can't do what we were doing. We break our habits and the fat personality takes over what was always his.
If you have struggled with weight loss, as I have, you know this story all too well.
Business owners struggle with the three personalities.
I believe everyone struggles with a light case of multiple personality disorder.
If not, I might be going mad.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
You play to win the game
In sport, we learn to compete. The competitive nature in me makes it hard for me to dial back the intensity while I watched my kids play soccer. I was asked to coach but I declined in fear that my competitiveness would send the wrong message to the kids.
Youth sport is supposed to promote participation and fun. But I noticed in the first year of my kids' soccer season, the kids tried to keep score. They wanted to win. It wasn't about participation. It was about scoring goals (having glory) and winning (succeeding).
In the words of famous football coach Herman Williams, "You play to win the game!" And it is engrained in us to try to win, even when no one is seemingly keeping score.
The philosophy of winning translates to life, even if we don't think it should. We compete. We try to win. We live to win the game. I'm told life isn't a game.
But it is. We compete with ourselves. We compete with our neighbours, and our friends.
We know life is supposed to be fun. However, just like youth soccer, we secretly keep score even if we know we're not supposed to.
No one's keeping track. Right?
Youth sport is supposed to promote participation and fun. But I noticed in the first year of my kids' soccer season, the kids tried to keep score. They wanted to win. It wasn't about participation. It was about scoring goals (having glory) and winning (succeeding).
In the words of famous football coach Herman Williams, "You play to win the game!" And it is engrained in us to try to win, even when no one is seemingly keeping score.
The philosophy of winning translates to life, even if we don't think it should. We compete. We try to win. We live to win the game. I'm told life isn't a game.
But it is. We compete with ourselves. We compete with our neighbours, and our friends.
We know life is supposed to be fun. However, just like youth soccer, we secretly keep score even if we know we're not supposed to.
No one's keeping track. Right?
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