Reflections

It's been 11 months since we sold our businesses. I planned to be back at the helm of another business within weeks. It doesn't feel that long ago. But then, I didn't do much all summer. Unless getting the best tan I've had since I was 22 is considered doing something.

I enjoyed the summer. It's now over. And now I must return to my dreams.

The quiet serenity of my house has returned as the kids re-enter school. So it is with this tranquility that I reflect. Reflect where I am and the progress of my 11 month non-voyage.

Three months into my sabbatical,  encouraged that something was imminent, I hand wrote my goals for 2014. I was excited. Everything seemed possible.

Was I dreaming? Was I expecting too much? I have learned to shoot for the stars in my expectations and I'll end up somewhere near the moon. Dream big or go home.

Anyone who knows me, I mean really knows me, knows that I'm a dreamer. It's probably got something to do with when I was born. Not a fan of horoscopes, however there seems to be some truth to my Aquarius sign.

Until now, most of my dreams have come true. This one really hurts as 2014 enters the homestretch.

I know I can't force what I want. I know I can't make other people do what I want. But with all of this uncertainty, I am questioning if this is something I really want. I have pursued it for 9 months. Is there something in the universe that is holding it back from me. Am I worthy enough for this project? Am I being protected from it. Have I done everything I can to move this forward?

I'm concerned this dream is never going to be realized. I have to start dreaming of something else. So in analyzing what I want, I am told to follow my bliss. Have you ever wondered about your bliss? I don't know if I have one.

Your bliss is supposed to be that job you'd work happily at for free. Most anything I can think of would be fun for a few weeks, but then I'd be bored. My wife asked me what I'm really passionate about. I don't have an answer. Is it possible, I don't have a bliss?

I don't have any of the answers. I'm sharing my thoughts, my reflections, my insecurities.

I have to get back to work. All this reflecting is scaring the shit out of me.