Respect can not be earned

I like to zag when everyone else is zigging. The road less traveled can be frightful and a delightful experience at the same time.

One of my zags has to do with respect. Most believe respect has to be earned. I disagree.

Respect is given, whether we like it or not. I had to respect my parents. If not, there were consequences. I had to respect my boss or I got fired. I have to respect my wife or she will eventually leave me.

Get the point?

It is not respect that is earned. It is trust. If I don't know you, I may withhold trust as I get to know you better. As I observe your behaviours, your personality, your thoughts, I will grant you little bits of trust along the pathway to a trusting relationship.

We trust our parents. They cared for us when wild dogs could've eaten our eyes out. There's a primal trust there.

I respect my parents because they respect me.

Giving respect to a complete stranger's thoughts, actions, beliefs when I first meet them comes from the need to be courteous and polite.  They deserve my respect until they don't. They lose my respect as they lose respect for me.

There's a simple duality. You'll have my respect on day one. Respect me back and you'll have it to the end of time.

Where this whole respect thing gets hard is when I think of the relationship with children. I love our kids. But they don't always respect us. Silly little manipulators don't know any better.

In reviewing my respect values, I found that I disrespect my little manipulators in return for their childish banter. They need my respect no matter what.

As is usual, there has to be an exception to the rule.