There was a time when there was a clear line between WANT and NEED. My parents could have been categorized as working poor. With two children to feed and tend to, we weren't the type of family that wasted a lot of money. Toys were limited to two times per year: Christmas and birthdays. At birthdays, we could expect a cake, maybe a special meal, a gift from gramma, one from our godparents and one from our parents. Gifts were the $20 variety, not the $200 variety that my children enjoy today.
We had what we needed. The stuff we really wanted was reserved for Christmas. I remember one year, I wanted an Atari video game system. I had a problem. My parents wouldn't allow video games to be played on their colour TV. Having an Atari didn't make sense if I couldn't play it. So I asked for TV instead. I waited until the following Christmas to ask for the Atari again. It took two years to get the object of my desire.
Happiness and wanting have no correlation. My sister and I were quite happy. We learned to play with simpler toys.
I try to teach my kids the uselessness of want. But it's hard. Namely because I have fallen into the same traps of always wanting more.
My son asked for a fish aquarium for his last birthday. Now that he has desire, he doesn't talk about them any more. He now wants a guinea pig. He is in consuming mode.
I think our children play the mental video they learned from us as parents.
Want's do not bring happiness. Want's are a moving target. The moment we satisfy it, the desire shape-shifts into a new shiny objective.
Yet, I'll hear, "When I get this bright, shiny object, I'll be happy". Bright shiny objects are not just limited to things. They can also be relationships, love, vacations, or vocations.
I recently read that happiness is derived from the appreciation of what you have, not what you want.
Last week, our family started a new ritual to highlight appreciation. Each person takes a moment before supper to say what they appreciated about their day.
At first, our 9 year old thought the process was dumb. Then our 8 year old thought he would be funny and not take the exercise serious. Each day, the 30 seconds gets more and more interesting and profound.
We are not a perfect family. But, in one short week, we have seen the power of the pause. All it takes is one minute to stop looking forward for what we want and to take a deep breath and enjoy what we have.
When was the last time you spoke out loud about the things and people you appreciate in your life?
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