The battle between the irrational self versus the rational self

Did you know that most people make decisions based on emotion. Then they logical reverse rationalize why the purchase was necessary.

I've been criticized over the years for being too emotional. Emotions get me in trouble. But they also drive my passion. Emotions, whether negative or positive are irrational. On the negative side, a feeling wells up from the pit of my stomach, the heart skips a beat, my ears go deaf and I can no longer think from a logical perspective. I act like a five year old, with the only relief being to act out a temper tantrum. Seems ridiculous when I look back on each incident.

Emotion can be extremely positive when focused on creativity. People get attracted to my energy, my enthusiasm and my passion. It becomes magnetic. The thoughts attract other inputs, other energies and other ideas. I get excited and afraid at the same time. Excitement drives me to push the ideas forward. Fear drives me to push them faster.

People who are predominantly using their right brains are the creative people of the world. They use the irrational and emotional constructs to perform their art. Those of us who predominantly use the left brains are the logical people. They are the mathematicians, the scientists and the analysts.

I play both sides of the fence. I love numbers. My favourite subjects in school were mathematics and science. My first job was in finance. My second job was in marketing, a highly creative field.

Marketers and financial people don't get along so well. Bean counters tend to squash the creative ideas in favour of budget. That is the battle that goes on in my head everyday.

My biggest strength is also my biggest weakness.

In a previous business, I had what seemed to be an unresolvable conflict with a colleague. Every time I had to talk to the colleague, I wanted the conversation to end before it began. I became dead inside, lacking all emotion until he left. My ideas were discounted. My passion was squashed. I was told there was no room for creativity in my job. The result caused a emotional tumour inside of me. Each conversation grew the tumour. Until one day, the tumour couldn't take anymore and burst. I exploded. I lost it. Between the build up frustrations, the inability to express myself and perceived injustices, I had become an emotional cancer.

I was driving yesterday, thinking about past mistakes and how they affect the life I live today.

I took a test once to measure my emotional IQ and I failed.

Just kidding. I found out that I'm average. I'm not a stone faced, matter of fact, nothing phases me brick wall. I'm more of the guy that wears his emotion on his sleeve.

It's not a good thing or a bad thing. It's just something I have to understand so I can live with myself...