My wife left me!
She'll only be gone for 15 days, but she left me in charge while she's gone.
For the next 15 posts, I will capture my daily thoughts as a digital record. To see if I slip into an increasing degree of madness and to observe the conflict of a fulltime businessman turned fulltime dad.
Our son was one month old when I stepped into the entrepreneurial limelight. While I focused on the business, Aline made sure everything on the homefront was safe. She took care of all things kid related. Today I'm in charge. I have to put work on the backburner, making sure I'm home at 3pm every day to welcome my babies from their daily grind at the education factory.
I've been planning her trip for weeks. There's some food in the freezer that perpetually gets pushed to the back after each trip to the grocery store. There's a home renovation project I'd like to finish to surprise my bride upon her return.
I'm gonna stay realistic. There is only thing I will attempt to do for the next 15 days. To get through it without my children completely hating me. Aline has always been the calm parent, while I've been the warden. She's June Cleaver, while I'm Archie Bunker, minus the racism.
Day 1:
We didn't get much sleep last night. I carried Aline's suitcase to her taxi at 4am, while she kissed the kids goodbye. My son awoke and started bawling. I could see the pain in Aline's eyes as she slipped out the front door, pretending not to hear his pain.
Going upstairs to console our baby, I offered him a spot in my bed, which he took gladly. As we lay our heads down to sleep, our oldest awoke crying. Turns out, she had a nightmare. Offering her a spot in my bed cramped us together like sardines in that Queen sized bed. But everyone quickly fell asleep except me.
Three hours later, I wiggled out of the vice my children had placed me in. Good dads make breakfast, I thought to myself. I used to own a breakfast restaurant, so making pancakes for me is like making toast for less experienced fathers. Easy peesy, until my kids gave me the worst review a cook can ever receive. They didn't eat any. Now I have a batch of pancakes with no customers. There goes the good dad strategy.
Our next mission is to go shopping for toys. It didn't start out that way. Let me explain. I have a really important meeting on Wednesday. To get there on time means the kids have to get to school 15 minutes early. My kids are NEVER early. They don't know the definition of early. So I do what my inexperience tells me to do: I bribe them.
"If you can be ready 15 minutes early on Wednesday, I'll buy you a present".
"What kind of present? An Xbox 360?", asks the boy.
"No, a small present".
"Like a cellphone?"
"No, by small I mean inexpensive"
"You mean cheap!"
"No, I mean something that you wish you had, that doesn't cost a fortune."
"Like an Xbox 360. Ryan has one and it only costs 300 bucks."
"I want a pack of Shopkins", says our daughter.
"That's a great choice". At $12.99, I have my daughter cheaply bought off.
"So D'Angelo, what do you think?"
"There's a Montreal Canadiens sweater that I want..."
Having my kids focused on the prize, we start our voyage to the city. First stop is to get the sweater. The store where he saw it is going out of business, so we run in to buy the prize before another eager shopper grabs it. After searching for 20 minutes, overcome with grief, our son has to change the object of his affection for another prize. But what? Best way to fix this pain is bring them to the Mecca of kid stores: Toys 'R Us.
Our daughter runs to the girl section while our son rushes to the boy toys. Asking them to stay together so I can keep an eye on both of them, they tell me that their mom lets them go off on their own in this store. I get the feeling that they are playing me. My wife is a "mother hen". She would never leave them out of her sight in a public place like this.
After 20 minutes, our son emerges with a toy that costs $90. "Sorry, that's out of the budget. Go back and look for something in the $20 range." Our daughter becomes distraught as her beloved Shopkins have been sold out. She informs me there is another store in the mall that carries her favourite toy. Pulling the boy away from the dream of living in toyland, we venture to the other store to find they are also sold out.
Now I have two upset kids who I was trying to bribe but have yet to fulfill their end of an agreement on Wednesday. Empty handed, we walk back to the car with our shoulders hunched and our heads slightly cocked forward as we look at each step our feet make.
Thinking to myself, I have to change this attitude, I blurt out, "Who wants frozen yogurt?". Both kids looked up at me like I was a god. I think their feet may have left the ground slightly. They were once again pleased and I was the dad who brought them there.
Nothing cures the blues like frozen yogurt, candy and chocolate, even if it is only zero degrees celsius outside.
The rest of the day was a breeze. Kids ate their supper, without any problems. No real fighting today. I consider myself blessed. I'm not sure if they can keep up this good behaviour for 14 more days. Like a recovering addict, all I think to myself is "one day at a time".
After the kids went to sleep, I went downstairs to get some work done. I hadn't done any work all day so I was feeling a bit guilty. For a guy who likes to get to bed early, working until 11 pm is painful. I got the work done, and headed to bed. As I laid in my lonely bed, I turned the TV on to catch the last minutes of a hockey game. The final game of NCAA's March Madness was on. With everyone going on, I completely forgot about it. Second half had just started with perennial winners, Duke losing by 4 points to a Wisconsin team that had four white guys on the floor. In a sport where black guys dominated, it was odd to see so many white guys on the floor at the same time........................................................
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