Lessons from playing softball

The first time I played softball I was 6 years old. Dad brought me to a field with a bunch of kids I barely knew. There must have been 40 kids on the field. And so the love affair began.

In my teenage years, I managed my own team, played all positions and organized games against other kids. In a time when the parents didn't get overly involved, we kids organized the games with kids from other towns and got the parents to drive us to the town.

We were good. That's all we did in the summer. Played softball and went swimming. The core guys played together well into our late twenties. We were all friends. We weren't the best defensive team in the world but we were a great hitting team. Our success came from our ability to hit well.

Over the years, friends moved away and the team disbanded but my love of the game continues.

Now at 42, the game is slipping away from me. I feel that the old girl doesn't love me the same way anymore. Hitting is getting harder. Running hurts. Throwing is a chore.

But there's one thing I've learned in my softball old age that has become a life lesson.

"The harder I try to succeed, the further I move away from the goal".

I'm not talking about work ethic. I'm talking stress. When I go to bat and really want to get a hit, it seems like there's an anxiousness at the plate. The handle of the bat gets choked instead of gripped. The bat doesn't feel like an extension of my arms. My feet get heavy and don't move easily into the swing. My arms become tense. My eyes widen and at the same time, stop watching the ball connect to the choked bat. When stressed, I try to do too much. And ultimately, fail at my goal of getting on base.

I succeed when I don't allow myself to be stressed. If I tell myself that I'm a good hitter and I laugh at the plate, my chances of success raise exponentially.

Last night, our softball team was losing for a third straight game to a good team. When all looked lost, the coach said, let's have some fun. His words were right, but how can you tell someone to have fun. Fun is not a widget. It's an emotion. The emotion has to come from within. It took a few guys to break the mood with stupid remarks and gestures. But when we came around, we won the game and then won the next game too.

When the team loosened up, the game became easier.

Life is exactly the same way. We are taught to pursue our dreams. To be persistent. To not let go. But the harder I chase my dreams, the faster they run away from me. Learning from softball, I have to loosen up, have fun, relax, and laugh. Then and only then, am I be in a position to hit the ball where I want it to go.