Story 1:
I was getting a coffee when this coupon winked at me.
Hey, do I know you?, I asked.
No, but I like you. Would you like to get $50 worth of free coffee?
Sure! It's free right?
Yes, sweetheart. All you have to do is rip me off the pad, take it to the local bank, sign up for a credit card. If you're accepted, we'll make sure you get the $50 gift card for free coffee.
How is that free? Isn't my time worth anything? And what about my credit? I don't need another credit card. Are you telling me that my creditworthiness and my time is the toll I have to pay to get some free coffee?
Yes, darling We like you. But we need you to do something for us. When you sign up for that card, we'll have access to your personal information like address, phone number and birthday. We can send you unsolicited mail, email and promotions if you forget to check the box that opts you out of our annoying marketing. But you'll want this stuff. Trust me...
I don't think so. You already lied to me once. All I wanted was a coffee. You caught my eye with your wink. But now I hate you. Leave me alone and don't call me. Oh yeah, you don't have my phone number so you won't be able to anyways.
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Story 2:
I was surfing Facebook when another ad caught the glimmer of my eye.
"Buy my travel services and you'll get a deep discount to celebrate our nation's 150th birthday", said the pimp.
I don't need your services. But it looks like fun. The price is right. Maybe I can take my whole family with me at that price.
Sure, why not?
You're right. Why not? I'm making plans already in my mind. This is going to be so much fun. We just have to figure out the details.
You're the man. Your family is going to love this trip. Your family is going to love you.
What's this in the fine print?
Oh, don't worry about that, you're under 25 years old, right?
Umm, No.
Are your kids at least 12 years old?
Umm, No.
A man with your beauty must surely have a bride under 25 years old.
Umm, No.
Well we only have a few limited seats for this offer. You don't qualify so leave me alone.
Wasn't it you that was looking for my business?
I said leave me alone. You're not the person we're looking for.
Is my money any less valuable than a 25 year olds?
Well, no. But you can afford to pay full price. We still want you to book with us. Just pay full fare.
But you told me the fare is only worth $150. I'm an idiot if I pay more. I liked the original offer, but I hate your exclusion condition. Here's a condition for you: I won't use your services unless someone forces me to or if I don't have any other choice. I wish you a long and painful death.
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I hate offers that have conditions.
Conditional marketing is a slimy way to catch the audience off guard. It tricks the audience to believe one thing to be true, when there is an alternative motive.
Alternative motives are sneaky cream pies filled with hidden agendas, lies and exaggerations. Transactions filled with these ingredients don't allow for healthy customer conversions.
If a company wants to sell extra product by putting it on sale, they should put it on sale. They do not need to be shady in their message
These tactics are supposed to be reserved for the weasel sucking used car dealers who are looking to take advantage of innocent customers.
There's no place in business for those behaviours, used car dealers included.
If you're looking to increase your marketing efforts and you're not a weasel trying to trick customers, you can contact me at ricknicholson@wizardofads.com. I can help in the marketing process to be honest, real and most importantly believable.
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