Joy to the world

I recently stumbled across a book on mathematics that puts emotions into a completely new perspective for me. The author is Chip Conley. And unfortunately, I couldn't buy the book at my local Chapters so I have to wait for it from Amazon.

In my quick research on it, I found a very deep mathematical equation relating to JOY that I wanted to share.

Love - Fear = Joy

So to translate, when we love something and there is an absence of fear, we live in a state called joy. Remember when you fell in love. Remember the honeymoon period in your relationship? This state that we call being in love can falter sometimes because life kinda gets in the way. Stress comes rushing in, kids get added to the equation, bills can't get paid, the job gets more demanding, etc... All this new stuff generates fear.  What we were calling "in love" was in fact a state of joy.

Don't we all want to be extremely happy? I was recently talking to a friend and he was going through a rough time. I could sense his pain. I concluded that joy is the opposite of sad. So using math, I deconstructed it using the simple formula.

Joy = -Sad

So Joy is the complete opposite of Sad. But it would be equal to negative sadness.

Love - Fear = Joy,
              
              and Joy = -Sad

Then we could say this mathematical statement:

Love - Fear = -Sad

If we turn Sad to a postive, using simple arithmetic, the equation would look more like this:

Sad = Fear - Love

If this equation is correct, it would mean that our fears are greater than our ability to love and the overabundance of it will generate a slow burn towards sadness.

This kinda makes sense to me. Someone told me once that there were only two basic emotions: Love and Fear. Love and its derivatives like happiness, joy, excitement, anticipation are on the positive side of the dichotomy. Fear and its derivatives like sadness, anger, jealousy, envy are on the negative side.

The equation for joy/sad demonstates that the dichotomy has some truth to it. The next time you're sad about something, write down your fears about it. Write down what you love about it. I bet you'll have more fears.

Fear is the biggest monster in our lives. Go on a quest and slay the monster. It won't be easy. You'll have to pick up special weapons along the way, like self confidence, and self esteem.

Money doesn't buy happiness. Money buys things that may look like we're happy. In actual fact, if fear is present the more money you have, the more afraid you are to lose it. Hence, money is not the answer to our problems of sadness.

You can spend a lifetime in sadness or a lifetime of joy. You get to choose.

Ta ta for now!

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live".
-Dorothy Thompson

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

Dorothy Thompson

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/dorothytho121783.html#smusA23e9ZGQejJO.99

Drop it like it's hot...

We've all heard the cliche, people are creatures of habit. Let's explore habit a bit this morning.

On December 31, habitually many of us set New Year's resolutions. The idea is to get rid of our bad habits. Yet by the 15th of January, we have a relapse and most of us drop our new found activities and revert to our old ways.

We know there are good and bad habits. We tend to focus on the bad ones because those are usually the ones that are self destructing. Cursing, smoking, drinking, eating too much are the more popular ones. I went to a seminar once where the speaker said something I never heard before. Not doing something is also a habit. At that time, I wasn't exercising regularly. I had a bad habit of not exercising. And I thought I didn't have any bad habits...

NASA did a bunch of research on habits. They wanted to know how long it would take an astronaut to get used to weightlessness. In an experiment, astronauts put on inverted glasses so that they would see upside down and backwards.  They wore them day and night. On the 30th day, the astronauts' brains reprogrammed their eyes so that eyesight and motor skills became normalized. They got used to their new glasses and could function normally just like you and I. Here's the amazing part, if an astronaut removed the glasses before the thirty days were complete, they had to start all over again and complete another 30 days before their brains would reprogram. After 30 days in this environment, their brains rewired. To get used to not wearing the glasses took another 30 days after the program ended.

You know what this means? Our brains are just complicated organic machines. To rewire it, requires 30 days of a changed way of thinking and doing. Any habit we want to break takes thirty consecutive days with no relapse. Any habit we want to create takes thirty consecutive days of activity. It won't be comfortable. The good news is that it's only thirty days. Now when we want to rid ourselves of a self destructing habit, we can count down the thirty days, knowing it gets much easier.

The video below goes into further detail about pavlovian thinking on habits that I thought was interesting enough to share. It explains the need for reward for a changing behaviour, which will change the way we look at a changed activity. Very interesting stuff...

Here are two observations to show simple habits that we don't even pay attention. Not self destructing, just plain ole habits in our daily lives.

1. Put your hands together like you're going to pray. Interlock your fingers. Recognize which thumb is on top. Most likely that is the same thumb that is always on top, when you put your hands together. Now, put the thumb that was on top and switch it with the other thumb. It doesn't feel right. Right? Habit

2. When you get out of the shower, notice how you dry yourself off with a towel. If you're like me, you always dry the exact same parts in a particular order. Never changes. And when you consciously change that order, it feels extremely weird. Again, another habit.

Everything we do is based on some particular habit. So when we talk about comfort and more importantly discomfort, the underlying problem we may be facing is that we've acquired a bad habit and we don't even know it.

Ta ta for now!

"Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time".
-Mark Twain

Don't believe the hype

Since I was 19 years old, I have been hearing about RRSP's, retirement and pensions. Coincidentally, my first year of university, I took a course in Economics. First day in class, the professor put up a graph that looked something like this.



Where Supply intersects with Demand is where an ideal price will lie. We learnt on that first day that as demand increases or as supply decreases, price will increase. And if demand decreases or supply increases, prices go down if form of sales discounts. That makes sense. If I sell generators and there is a power outage, the demand increases, or as the supply decreases, price of the generator will go up.

With mutual funds, it's much more complicated so the financial advisors tell me. But the law of supply and demand still hold true. The baby boomers bought a lot of RRSP's. The baby boomers will capitalize the most on these products. But as they move out of their financial holdings, supply goes up, which drives down price. And as long as supply stays high, prices stay low. For a 40 something, RRSP's suck.

I always thought corporate and government pension plans were the best method for retirement planning. The companies I worked for didn't have any of those plans, so I was sh*t out of luck. But then I met someone really interesting yesterday.

I read that if you ever want to see where you'll be financially in 20 years, just look at someone doing what you're currently doing that is 20 years older than you.

Yesterday I had to go to a local hardware store to pick up some building materials. I was served  by an older gentleman named Dave.

Dave was awesome. I could tell he had a really great memory. He was memorizing product code numbers that were 9 digits long. His math skills were impeccable. I could tell that this wasn't a career choice for Dave. Dave struggled with the computer and one colleague came along and totally disrespected him by deleting all of his inputted information, just so the colleague could get a price check. I couldn't help myself. I thanked Dave for the great level of service and attention I was receiving. He thanked me as any good customer service agent would do. Then I took one step further. I said to him, "I can tell you're a really smart guy. This doesn't look like a career choice for you. Why are you here?"

Dave informed me that he had been a public servant for 35 years teaching children the laws of physics and mathematics.  Not surprising given his ability with numbers. What did surprise me was the fact that Dave doesn't have enough in his pension to support him and his wife into their retirement. He explained that his pension was being governed by his previous employer and things looked mighty bleak.

Dave worked hard his whole life. With the exception in July and August, I have never envied teachers. Dave continues to work hard today despite being sold an illusion of retirement that today he cannot afford.

You want to look into a crystal ball all you have to do is look at some of the people that are already there and start analyze what's going on. My new friend Dave is no different than anyone of us. I thought guys Dave's age would be protected from the financial mess that my generation is going to go through. Aspirations of a pension is an illusion. We need to get financially intelligent. Our country, our province and our lifestyles are in trouble. If we don't watch out, we're going to end up just like Dave, working in a hardware store dealing with young punks who think that we're stupid because we don't know how to operate the newest technology.

Here's how we parted ways. He said my company thanks you for your business. I thank you for your patience. I shook his hand and said to him, "Dave, I thank you for your story".

Investments are a very personal decision. But think about Dave. How are we not going to end up like him?

Ta ta for now.

Contagious like a yawn

We've all noticed that when a person yawns, inevitably the inexplicable cognitive forces cause someone else to yawn. It's like a virus. Contagious from one person to another. Funny when you think about it.

Know what else I noticed about these inexplicable cognitive forces? The same thing works with a smile.

I'm not a smiling type. I'm very happy, but I smile on the inside. I wasn't born, like my wife, with a permanent smile. I remember when I was 15, there was a girl in my math class who passed me a note. I love numbers. I was in heaven learning whatever was being taught that day. I was so intrigued and focused, that I looked sad. The note read, "Smile, whatever's wrong will get better". I was confused. What I learned later is that people are either introverts or extroverts. Some introverts, like me, will smile occasionally. It doesn't make them less happy. I laugh all of the time. I love immensely. I'm just referring to a simple smile.

There are four categories to smiles:
1. Smile to fake happiness,
2. Smile to show happiness,
3. Don't smile but still happy, and
4. Don't smile and not happy.

Have you ever smiled at a complete stranger? I'm sure you have, because I have caught myself doing it. I get all gooey inside and I always feel better after I've done it. Take note the next time you do it. It's like everyone gets really happy for a couple of seconds. A baby looking at me always pulls a smile out. Holding the door for a stranger and a quick interaction of thank you and your welcome always makes me feel better and forces the little bugger out. When I smile, someone smiles in return - EVERY TIME. And I always feel happier for the experience.

The analytical person inside wants to know if people smiled more, if the world would be a better place. Even when I'm in a bad mood, a baby always gets the better of it. An innocent baby, unknowingly, changes my life, even just for a second.

In Boy Scouts, we were taught to do good deeds daily for others. I don't know if helping others can get us on track with our happiness problem. A couple of weeks ago, I helped a lady who had ran her car off the road. I was running late for an appointment. The roads were slick. And it was cold. I had all the reasons not to stop, but I did anyways. I helped get her out of the ditch. When I left, I was extremely happy. I had done good that day.

We have a happiness problem. We get so stuck into our own problems that we sometimes forget that others have problems too. Remember the "pay it forward" technique? I'm going to create a simple daily goal for myself, "Do one good deed daily". I know I feel better from it. If everyone did one good deed daily, wouldn't the world smile more? I challenge you to the make world happier. Remember it's as contagious as a yawn.

Ta ta for now.

"A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles".
- William Hazlitt

World worthy

A year ago today, I made a pact with myself. I promised myself that I would do something extraordinary. I had just turned 40. A funny number 40...I started looking at life a bit differently. I saw it as a finite resource that I was wasting away. I saw each day slipping through my fingers like sand at the beach. For the first time in my life, I accepted the fact that I was going to die. I will not live forever, or will I?

I have achieved middle age - the apex of life. I don't have, nor do I need a sportscar.  However, I have yet to achieve anything that will stand the test of time - or as I like to call it "world worthy".

I know my ego drives this thinking. Is it bad to think this way?

My ancestors have almost all died. The memories associated with my grandparents are disappearing. The pictures are there, but my kids didn't know them. They didn't know the way my grandfather loved to tease. They will never know anything about him except what we share about him. Eventually, the stories dissipate with the passage of time and the memory of him will die when all those that knew him also die.

That sucks! How can I elude my own mortality? How can I live on after I die? Is it even possible?

I think it is.

We have names that ring into our consciousness despite them being dead for a long time. Do you have to be famous to live on forever? It probably doesn't hurt. But what if we did something so wonderfully awesome that the world took notice, historians captured it and future generations would learn about it.

I want my great great grandkids to be proud of what I've done for them, for their name, for their community, and for their world. How am I going to do that?

Any ideas? I'm running out of time...

Letter to my wife

Dear Aline,

There have been times when I've been lost. I didn't know it at the time. It seems like you've always been there when I needed you most. I was lost as a 23 year old kid, when you found me and saved me from the burning wreckage of my life.

Life has always gotten better with your focus, your drive, your ambition and your tenacious love.

You don't get enough credit around the house. That's because all the credit is supposed to come from me and I'm not that good at giving it out. It's not for a lack of thinking about it. It's just the way I'm hardwired.

My love, we've been together for 18 years, married for 15 and the best is yet to come. I promise.

Be patient with me. They say, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", but this old dog still has a few tricks to perform.

You hear the words, "I love you" every morning. The only way I can top that is by screaming the same words from the Internet mountaintop.

I LOVE YOU!!

Rick

PS. Aline doesn't know I'm writing this. More importantly, we're not fighting.

Rest of the world: As you look into the lens of my life, I issue you the challenge. Tell someone that you love them today. Three simple words that can mean so much. Life is too fragile.

Dog days of winter

So another freezing day of winter biting into my bones... For years, I've complained about the chattering cold, wondering why I continue to spend one quarter of my life in this god-forsaken bitterness.

I've been in warmer climates for vacation. I've enjoyed company with Mickey Mouse. The temporary break has never quite satisfied by thirst.

I'm told that I need to find outdoor activities to appreciate the weather. Too cheap to buy a ski-doo, can't skate, and never skied.

I plainly hate winter and the cold and snow it brings. There is one clear benefit that I can't lose sight of. If it wasn't for winter, I would never appreciate spring as much as I do. I also don't like hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, scorpions, black widows and alligators. So I guess it could be much worse.

This year to get rid of the dog days of winter, we adopted a puppy. My first dog since I left the nest. Sleepless nights, stinky breath, floor pee and constant supervision... Despite that I still don't mind. The dog lovers already know this. Even though we've only had Trixie for two days, I'm already feeling better.  There's something therapeutic about a dog. I act like a little kid around her, rolling on the floor, speaking in uncontrollable puppy language and clapping my hands every time she does something right.

This puppy is teaching me more about parenting than I'm teaching her. Here's what I learned so far:
1. Recognize good behaviour, reward accordingly.
2. Stop bad behaviour right away, but don't punish.
3. Play a lot
4. Always tell them how much you love them.
5. Be cuddly

Here's to hoping a puppy can take away the winter blues.

Ta ta for now.

Forgive and forget

We've all had things happen to us that have left deep emotional scars. Those damn things that hurt. Those thoughts that just don't go away. Over time, we bury those scars telling ourselves that it doesn't bother us anymore.In fact, we may even believe our own personal bullshit.

Many times, the stuff that happens to us is a result of someone else doing a wrong. My mom used to always tell me the past is in the past. You need to learn to forgive and forget. That advice is almost impossible to follow. I'm not Mother Teresa. Forgetting is easy. I just need to bury it deep inside of me and as long as there are no cues to bring up all of those bad memories, I'll be good. Forgiving is the hard part. Forgiving makes me uncomfortable.

To forgive someone would be absolving them of the guilt they should carry. To forgive would be letting them off the hook. Where is the pain when you think about these hurtful things? It's inside of us. It's not on the other person. In some cases, the other person, doesn't know or maybe even care about our pain. The pain inside us, hurts us and in fact can even kill us.

There are people I don't like because of the way they hurt me. The sociopaths that have come into my life vary from family members to work colleagues. Forgiving them is really hard to do. I'm not sure it can be done. I don't like them, I don't trust them. I don't want to be hurt by them again. And that's ok. But I do need to forgive them.

Michael Wickett's book "Forgive and Be Free to Create your Ideal Life" has powerful stories about forgiveness and the benefits to the person doing the forgiving. There are stories that discuss how a mother forgives the man that killed her child, how a woman forgives the man who raped her, and so on. The key thing in the book is how people were able to "let go" of their pain and return to a more normal life.

According to Wickett, we need to learn to forgive, but never forget.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I didn't say trust them again....

Forgive them. I don't know how to do it. But it seems like the right place to start.

Wickett suggests that we need to write a letter to the person that hurt us. He says that we need to put all the crap that is deep inside, all of the emotions, all of the anger, all of the hurt on paper. But we don't send the letter. We destroy it. The emotions are ours. The pain is ours.

Are you up for it? Does it make you uncomfortable? Hope so, 'cause that's where growth sits...

I'm not perfect. I'm sure I've hurt other people. I don't know who. But I'm sure of it. I'm really sorry about that. It was never my intention. What if the people that hurt us feel the same way? What if the people that hurt us didn't even know they hurt us?

Ta ta for now!

"The weak can never forgive, Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong".
- Mahatma Gandhi

Who's going to lead?

If we want something done, we look for someone to lead the way. If we want a better situation in our province/country, we elect a new leader. If we want to hire an employee in a supervisory position, we try to assess the candidate in their leadership skills. Leadership is so important to us, yet some of us think that we were not meant to be leaders. 

I remember my first slow dance with a girl. The big question, in my mind - how was I going to lead, if I don't know what I'm doing? The answer was simple to a scared 12 yr old: Take control, go first, don't look nervous, make it so awesome that the girl has fun.

Today we buy leadership books. We talk about needing more leaders. We desperately want to be led somewhere. Yet, I'll suggest that most of us have all the necessary leadership skills already inside of us. 

Parent = Leader

When I was a kid, there were rules in my house. If I broke them, I was punished. I didn't make the rules. My parents made the rules. I know today, they used a set of modified parenting skills, that they learned from their parents. So although in the workplace some would not think of my parents as leaders, didn't they lead their own children? If you have kids, aren't you leading yours? 

Leadership Steps:

1. Take control

2. Go first

3. Don't look nervous

4. Make it fun

The problem some leaders get into is the control part. As a parent, we create rules and consequences to instill skills within our child. I hate being the bad guy but I know I'm doing it from a place called love. If the control becomes too suffocating, the fun part won't exist. It's the fun part that keeps the follower engaged. It's the fun part that gives you power as a leader. It's the reason the followers haven't tuned you out.

We are all leaders. Some of us lead a couple of people, and some of us lead thousands. The steps don't change, they get more complicated with more people.

Think about those four leadership steps the next time we need to be a leader. The results will astound you, just like it did to a 12 year old boy.

Light the way!

"I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people".

- Mahatma Gandhi

Where's the rascal that taught us about money? Part 1

Wouldn't everyone agree it's really hard not to survive in this world without a certain amount of money? Some people need more. Some people can live off less.

Yet, do we really understand how money works? I don't remember seeing a single class on how to manage personal finances in my 12 years of public school and my 7 years of university education. For those that didn't know, my first 4 years at university I completed a concentration in finance! School did not teach me how to manage money. 

The most important skill we need to survive in this world was not part of the education curriculum. So where did we learn how to manage money? Or better question, do we know how to manage money?

When I was a kid, I loved money. I loved it because of what it could buy. But guess what, I never spent it. I remember having $20 in my room for a year and a half. Never spent it. Had no interest in spending it. Liked the illusion of what it could get me. Then one day, my mom asked me for a loan. I look back on that now and can only imagine how tough times must have been. As a kid, I had no idea. I just knew my $20 bill was gone. I got it back a few weeks later, with some penny candy. I thought that was a thank you, when in fact, as an adult, we would call that interest.

Most families don't talk about money. It's not allowed. In my family, we were talked openly about money, usually in the form lack of. In terms of money, here's what my parents taught me: go to school, work hard, don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal, treat people with respect, pay your debts (which is basically don't steal)! They taught what not to do, and they told me an honest dollar would take care of the other stuff.

Mom and dad poured the cement but they never built the house. That was a great starting point. So who teaches us the rest? We are an apprentice to money. If we never really understand how it works, we will never become an expert to it. To really understand money, and have it as a slave is better than the alternative from which most of us suffer. 

Most of us are taught to be a slave to money. But it gets worse! The majority of people that will tell you that they can fix your problems are also slaves to money. Most of them are just bigger slaves to it. Sure they have more fancier stuff. Sure they go on fancier vacations. Sure, they look good. That's what your money bought them. 

I recently went to see a financial advisor, having sold a business. I wanted my money to work for me and not the other way around. I was concerned that I was wasting everyone's time, but I thought this guy was different. And in many ways, he was. The one thing that stuck out in the presentation was this: The firm's ability to manage money was better than completely random results. In other words, the firm is better at managing money than a monkey using a dartboard. 

I know I need more money coming in, than going out. I know I need to have money available when I don't want to work anymore. I also know that this system of mutual funds and RRSP's, and CPP is a load of crap. This information might be hard to swallow today, but anyone who is 40 or younger, hold your breath. The financial world today is not the same financial world from 20 years ago. 

Clarity comes from simple observations. My dad, with his grade 8 education, asked me the best question I ever heard about financial markets. He asked, "Why is gasoline at $1.30/litre when crude oil is $80/barrel"? The last time gasoline was $1.30/litre, crude hit an all time high over $140/barrel. Dad had just witnessed the silent tax that people don't pay attention to, that no one really understands, that no one accounts for in their money management: Inflation.

To be continued...

"Inflation is as violent as a mugger, as frightening as an armed robber and as deadly as a hit man"

- Ronald Reagan

Does failing make you a failure?

We all went to school at some point in our lives. We've been graded on our schoolwork and sometimes we succeeded and sometimes we failed. The schools have a system that defines the minimum acceptable standards for a child to pass into the next grade. And that's where we all got screwed up...

In the workforce, I never heard the words, "You failed at your job". I've been fired. I've let others go. Never have the words failure come up. I'm not saying we don't think them. I'm not even suggesting they have never been used. I'm just noticing that I have not heard the words, which is really interesting.

We hear things like:

"I'm sorry you didn't get the promotion".

"It's too bad you lost that client".

"Your proposal wasn't accepted".

"We can't afford to give you a raise".

"We don't have confidence in your abilities to take us to the next level".

All of those statements may suggest failure to us. Yet I believe failure is an illusion. We personalize an event and project it onto ourselves based on our experience as a student. Zig Ziglar said it best, "Failure is not a person, it is an event".

Some of us get so paralyzed by the fear of failure that we fail to pursue our dreams. Read that previous sentence again! We fail before we start because we are afraid to fail.

Let's deconstruct a World Class failure. Wade Boggs was a professional baseball player who played most of his career with the Boston Red Sox organization. Baseball tracks a players ability to get a hit with each at bat. His career hitting average was .328 (which is like 32.8%). Over a 17 year career, Wade Boggs failed to get on base twice more often than he succeeded. Yet he's one of the best hitters to ever play the game. Look at these numbers:

12 times an All-Star

5 batting titles

8 silver slugger awards

Number retired by one organization

Inducted into Baseball's Hall of Fame

Failure is never a permanent condition. It sucks when it happens. A couple of years ago, I had a dream to start a coffee franchise. I did a lot of things right and I did a lot of things wrong. Unfortunately for me, the wrong things outweighed the right things. I've been told failing at business is something every person must go through to find success. I've read, "You didn't fail if you learn from your mistakes". Another one I heard was, "It's like a badge of honour, you're now a member of the club". My failure scars will always be with me. 

Any good salesperson will tell you that sales is a numbers game. I've read that the metric in some cases looks like this: Approach 10 people, 7 people will say no, 2 will say maybe and and 1 will say yes. Imagine how thick your skin has to be to hear the words "No" seven to nine times more often than "Yes". But any seasoned salesperson will explain that once they know the numbers, they expect "No". They welcome the failure. They know the quicker they get the failure out of the way, the sooner they will find the success.

School is not like sales. Imagine telling your grade 2 teacher, the quicker you fail me, the sooner I will succeed in my education goals.

Life is like sales. You have to try some stuff. Make mistakes. Learn from the mistakes. Try some more stuff. Make new mistakes. Learn from those mistakes. Try some even more stuff. You get the point. We need to fail to get to wherever we want to go in life.

Failure is not a bad word! It needs to happen in order for you to find success.

Ta ta for now!

"I never scored on 100% of the shots I didn't take".

-Wayne Gretzky

Let's travel back in time for a minute

Imagine if we could travel back in time 300 years, but we couldn't tell anyone we were from the future. We could tell them that we had a vision. The vision was that metal could float on water. Not only could it float, but we could put tonnes and tonnes of it together and have people on it and it would float across the Atlantic Ocean. You would be laughed at. You would be ridiculed and you might even be beaten to death because everyone would think you're crazy. If you survived the first explanation, you wouldn't survive the second one that you would share - Again tonnes of metal with levers and extremely fast turning windmills, again with people inside, but this time, it could fly, like a bird, across the Atlantic Ocean.

There was no way in 1714 that the majority of people could comprehend what we take for granted today. The dreamers would have been very careful what they shared for fear of ridicule.

There are things that we laugh at today that is exactly like the scenario above. A book/video came out 8 years ago releasing the big secret, appropriately titled "The Secret". In essence, there is nothing secret about it. It gives us insight into this principle called "The Laws of Attraction".  I meet people all of the time who believe that there is some truth to this secret law, but yet don't practice it.

You want to know the heavy stuff now? Not only does it work, science has now proven why it works.

Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich" was the first book that I read that talked about the power of thought and the manifestation of ideas.  Then a really smart guy told me to study quantum physics. That was tough because I'm no scientist and this stuff is really complicated. What I learned about quantum physics is that the biggest argument physicists had was whether electrons moved in waves or as particles. Both sides had proven both hypotheses. So who was right? Recently, a really smart scientist finally ended the battle by proving the electrons moved depending on the way the physicist thought they should move - Laws of Attraction.

The power of thought is so important. But you need to do three more things to make things manifest.

I'll give you a personal example of how we practiced the Law of Attraction and didn't even know it. In 2003, we wanted to upgrade our house. We had visited way too many houses and nothing fit what we were looking for. Then it hit me! Nothing fit because we hadn't put our goal to paper. At that time, writing goals on paper seemed like a good thing. So my wife and I sat down and drew a one page blueprint of our next house. We included descriptions of the backyard, descriptions of the neighborhood, an attached apartment and even the number of rooms in the house. We dated it January 18 and we filed the paper away and literally forgot about it. 6 months later, we had found a house that we really liked, so we bought it. In our move, we were throwing out accumulated crap that we no longer needed. Then we came across a piece of paper dated January 18. I forgot about that paper. Didn't even remember having done it. And yes, it was the blueprint of our home we were about to move into.

I tell you this story because since then, I have had many run-ins with this irrefutable law and I'm learning to harness it better all of the time. When it was time to buy our next house, we wrote out three pages, with very specific details and how much money we were willing to give up for it. Do you know how many other houses we visited before visiting our latest dream home? Answer-none. Hopefully you get the rest of that story.

So if you want something really bad, here's what you need to do:

1. Visualize having it. Feel it, smell it, enjoy it.
2. Write down what you really, really want.
3. Also write down what you're willing to give up to get it. (Really important)
4. The hardest one of all... You need to take action!

If you want a new house, but you don't go looking for one, you won't manifest your thoughts. Laws of Attraction work but only if you work.

Our two houses we bought using this technique were both bought through private deals. How many agents would have brought us these houses? None!!! We had to do the work. In 2003, we were buying the newspaper every weekend. In 2011, we were on Kijiji and For Sale By Owner sites every day.

In 300 years, everyone is going to take this stuff for granted. You won't be here but you can have everything you ever wanted while you were.

Have a magnetic Monday!


Check out this clip from The Big Bang Theory:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEIn3T6nDAo


"If you think you can, or you think you can't...you're right"
-Henry Ford

You're a bully!

What do we do when we come across a sociopath? Do we run? Do we hide? Or do we face them and fight?

Before we answer that question, let's define what a sociopath is. A sociopath has their own rules of conduct. They don't have negative feelings regarding the consequences of their actions as it relates to others. We've all heard of the term psychopath. When I think of psychopaths, I think of the evil Dr. Hannibal Lechter in the movie "Silence of the Lambs". I think of someone who acts outside of normal convention and doesn't understand the difference between good and bad. A psychopath is an extreme sociopath.

Most of us don't know the extreme sociopaths like the Hannibal Lechter's of this world, thank god. I bet you do know a few sociopaths.

Sociopaths do not understand what honesty means. They will say whatever they have to in order to get ahead. Sociopaths don't care about who they trample over as they climb the corporate ladder because it's just one less person climbing the ladder. If you've ever been bullied in the workplace, you know who I'm talking about.

Unless you're also a sociopath, you can't fight them at their game. I know because I've tried. They are just too damned good at it. They are experts at lying, cheating, stealing and changing the facts. If you're not that type of person, you'll get clobbered. They see you as weak in your ideals.

A friend recently vented that most people are dishonest. Having been swindled one too many times, he believes that most people only care about numero uno. I don't believe that. I believe there is a group of people out their that are so self centered that no one else matters. With that said, I believe they are still in the minority.

The best defense I've had in my professional career against a sociopath is to ignore them, not trust them for anything and to keep a safe distance. Even when they were poking at me, ignoring them seemed to give them less energy. They feed off reaction. They want the fight or the argument. In one of my latest encounters with a sociopath, I was indifferent to his words. Being a passionate person, showing indifference was extremely difficult. But man, did it ever work!!!

I got out of that relationship and distanced myself from that bully. I recently saw someone else who knew my sociopath. In 2 seconds, I could see the anger in her words. Our sociopath had so much power over us. So while he sleeps at night, not thinking he has done anything wrong, we stay up thinking about his last move and worrying about his next.

Sociopaths cannot survive in your life if you don't give them power. Fighting against them gives them the oxygen they need. My advice is too ignore them at all costs. They'll look for someone else to bother. I wanted to stop the sociopath so he couldn't hurt anyone else. My dad taught me that even the best fighters get beaten. Somewhere they will meet their match. Unless you're also a sociopath, you shouldn't try beating them head on.

Check out this funny clip to demonstrate my point.

http://youtu.be/kpNPw4H6_tU

Have a great Sunday!


“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

"Don't ever get into fight with an idiot. He will drag you down and beat you with his experience"
- Unknown

This makes me very uncomfortable

Have you ever heard the words, "I just want to be comfortable"? Have you ever thought what the definition of comfort actually is and what it means once you get it?

I fell off a ladder a few years ago. In agonizing pain, I sat in my favorite lazyboy chair, with my feet up, juiced on medication to relieve the pain. After a few hours of TV, coupled with an inability to move without extreme discomfort, I realized that comfort was a moving target. Comfort would only last a few hours before I would have to move my legs or my arms or even my neck.

I know people who say they just want to be comfortable. I won't criticize them for that line of thinking.

Here's what I know about comfort. I had a really good job one time. I loved the company I was working for. I really enjoyed the relationships with my colleagues and the owners were great people. My last day there, I cried. I was taught that crying was not allowed, so those emotions came from really deep inside my soul. I left for another job that would make me very uncomfortable.

Guess what happened next.

I developed a skill in evaluating businesses. I became an expert in the business of restaurants. I spent a lot of time with restaurant franchisees, understanding the benefits and pitfalls of restaurant ownership. It was so uncomfortable in the beginning, I had considered asking for my old job back. I stuck it out. I started public speaking to the franchise network, in which my first speech was at the National Conference in front of not only the entire network, but also all of top management in the organization. I was scared s%*tless.

Getting out of your comfort zone always yields growth. It will suck in the beginning. Over time, it gets easier and better.

Let me give you a simple example that I read this morning that demonstrates this fact. Take a piece of paper and write your name on it. Then underneath your signature, write your name again, but this time with the opposite hand. Feel the awkwardness. Notice the length of time that it takes you versus the first time. Look at the penmanship. If you were to lose your dominant hand, you would learn to write with the other hand - guaranteed. If you tied your dominant hand behind your back everyday, you would learn to write better and better with the weaker one.

Comfort is an illusion that's fleeting. Financially speaking as long as we pay our bills, have more money coming in than going out, we create an illusion of comfort. Yet, if you had to stop working for health reasons, where would your comfort be and for how long? What if federal monetary policies changed to the point that your income level couldn't keep up with inflation? What if the economic uncertainty of Greece or Cyprus happened in Canada?

Most people do not have enough savings to carry them for more than 2 months without inflationary pressures. I know people close to retirement age that don't have any savings. Where is their comfort? Most will answer that they expect the government to take care of them.

I've always looked for opportunities to escape my comfort zone. Each time, I dislike being uncomfortable in the beginning, but it always gets easier.

Let's get uncomfortable together and achieve bigger dreams than we ever thought possible.

Have a great weekend.

Rick

PS. The company that I loved working for went bankrupt three years after I left. The employees went to work one day and were notified they were all being terminated at the end of that day. I don't have to tell you how many received severance packages.

I won't tell anyone...Promise

Have you ever told a secret to a friend to find out the friend couldn't keep it? Have you ever participated in gossip? Have you found out something really interesting and couldn't wait to share it with everyone you talked to?

This stuff happens all of the time. When we are the subject of it, we feel hurt. However when we participate in it, we feel something else.

People tell me all of the time, "This is highly confidential". There's so much confidential information in my head that I sometimes can't differentiate what I'm allowed to share and what I need to keep to myself. I hate that feeling. Even more, I hate the feeling that comes once I say something I wasn't supposed to. 

Recently I had a business for sale. The information that was given to prospective buyers was highly confidential in which they had to sign a "non disclosure agreement". Not only were they not allowed to talk about the financials to anyone but their accountant and lawyer, they were not to disclose the business was for sale. We took great measures to keep the information quiet so as not to upset our employees, our customers and anyone else who might have a stake in our business.

You can guess what happened next. Within 6 months, everyone in the business community seemingly knew about our intentions and it started leaking to our staff. Some of our key employees lost confidence in our leadership and subsequently left our business before it was sold. These decisions of others affected our relationships with staff, our financial situation and our stress levels. Ultimately, the business did sell, but the sharing of information intrigued me more than anything else.

After having gone through the previous scenario, I started to realize that you can't trust most people to keep a secret, even in the face of a legal document. After I sold that business, I was pursuing another business. People would confront me and ask what I'm doing next. To keep things as quiet as possible, I usually told them I was looking at the furniture business, but I wouldn't share specifics.  As an experiment, I told 5 people exactly what I was doing. These 5 people I trusted. You can guess what happened next, can't you.

Unfortunately, there were only 4 people I should've trusted. 

The one person that shared the scoop was easily identifiable, because when a sixth person emerged, all I had to look for was the common relationships.

This stuff happens all of the time and here's why: Social Currency. In Jonah Berger's recent book, "Contagious", he explains that information more valuable to you than the trust given to you will be shared. Using this information, makes you look smarter. You become the journalist with the "big scoop". You don't do it on purpose you do it to belong and feel good about yourself.

So the next time someone betrays your trust with information that they weren't supposed to share, don't get mad at them. It wasn't a personal attack on you. Just understand that they don't think very much of themselves so they share it to become smarter with others. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.   

Ta ta for now,

Rick       

I don't care...

Do you ever notice that there is a duality to everything in life? There's yin and yang, peace and war, optimism and pessimism to name a few. Let's look at the most important duality: Love.

What is the opposite of Love? Some will immediately jump up and say it's hate.

The emotions that come from love are deeply entrenched internal feelings that make us do things that we otherwise wouldn't rationally do. The emotions that come from hate come from the exact same place and do the exact same thing to us. Hate is definitely a negative emotion. But emotionally speaking, it is not the opposite of love. It makes us feel the opposite of love.

Look at an example of the best love I ever witnessed: love between a mother and a child. The mother has this deep love for her child because she sees the child as an extension of her. The love is almost unbreakable, even when the child, in our eyes, doesn't deserve her love. A grown child who disrespects his mother, beats her, lies to her, steals from her may be considered an example that doesn't deserve the love of a mother. She will never hate her child.

I'll reiterate, a mother will never hate her child. She may be upset with him. More likely, she will grow to be indifferent of him. Is it possible that the opposite of love is indifference? Indifference is a state of emotionless.

Loving someone and feeling that the person doesn't care can be a very deep hurtful emotion that is exactly the opposite of the love that is being projected. Imagine this interaction between two people:

Person 1: I love you sweetie.
Person 2: I don't care.

If you're the second person in any of your relationships, understand what indifference can do. We all need love in our lives. Realize that although you may feel love, you're not projecting love back and in fact could be killing the very lifeblood that you need.

If you're the first person in the example, the lack of love from the other person is killing you inside and making you indifferent as well. As soon as one person doesn't care in a relationship, the relationship is broken. You can be in a broken relationship for a long time, but it will not fulfill you.

Hugs and Kisses!

Rick

 

Letter to Dad

Hey Dad,

You taught me the value of hard work and the value of a dollar. I remember working with you and feeling like you were harder on me than anyone else. I was so frustrated. I felt you expected a 16 year old kid to outwork the other men that reported to you. Despite all that, although a man of few words, I'll never forget the wisdom you bestowed on me during the drive home that day. It was the single most important things you ever said to me as a child.

Do you remember what you said?

You told me that you didn't want me to end up in a dead end job. You told me how important an education was. You explained that the reason you were harder on me is that you expected more from me, much, much more. To this day, even at 40, I wake up every morning thinking of all the things I still need to do.

Although we have never been overly close, I hope you know I love you. I can't remember a single time I've ever said those words to you. I'm not sure why.

I recently heard a story about a friend who lost her father. It affected me deeply (thanks for sharing MC) and made me realize that although we talk often enough, I have never said the most profound words that a son can say to a father. I know, because I yearn to hear those words every day from my children.

I may sound a little flaky and maybe I feel a little cowardly in posting this on my blog. But I'm learning that what others think about me is none of my business.

Maybe one day I will be able to mouth the words out loud, but today I just want you to know that I love you and I care about you.

Have a great day!

Your son, Rick

Do you see what I see?

Mark Twain called it prodigious noticing. It'll change your life if you pay attention. If you don't no one will really notice. I posted that a few months ago on my Twitter feed and not one person asked me a single question.

What is prodigious noticing?  Some call it selective sight. Some call it not seeing the trees through the forest. Yes, I know I said it backwards. It is the ability to step back, remove oneself from all the distractions of life. It's the ability to remove all complexities to a problem and to look at it through the eyes of a child.

We as humans believe we are a very complicated species. Therefore we sometimes tackle problems with complexity, when its inverse would be much simpler. Let's use an equation to demonstrate my point.

5 + 5 + 5 = 550

Look at this equation closely. Study it. It clearly does not make mathematical sense. Now for the next minute, I want you to add a single straight line to this mathematical equation, without messing with the equal sign to make this equation mathematically correct.

Take a minute and really try to solve it.

What most of you will find is that it is really a difficult task. Some will try to move the numbers around. Some might try to get out a calculator. When in fact, if you read my instructions, I gave out very simple, clear directions. Again, we tend to over complicate the problem to fit some deep need.

The old saying of KISS (Keep it Simple Silly) is very valid for most of our problems. But more importantly many of the solutions we are looking for are at our fingertips, but we are so focused on our personal challenges and our own lives that we have a hard time seeing them. Then when a friend comes along and tells us what we need to hear, we don't listen because they just don't understand all of the complexities. 

We have the eyes to see and they are clouded. We have the ears to listen and they let us down. So what do we do? I suggest we submit our lives and we become the great people we were destined to be. 

Without judgement: we listen, we watch, we learn, we do, we repeat. 

Have a great day!

Rick

PS. The single straight line is added to one of the plus signs to make it a four.

5 4 5 + 5 = 550

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

Why are we not achieving the results we want in our lives? In a previous post, I postulated that dreams are not achieved because of a lack of clearly defined goals coupled with an inability to act. So let's go deeper into the inability to act. Is it laziness, fear or something else?

Every year around December 31, we hear the words "New Year's Resolutions". Funny enough, we don't hear these words anymore around the 15th of January. Many people start off a new year with new dreams of changing their present state of body or mind, yet by the two week mark most jump off the bandwagon and revert to old habits. Why?

Some generalities I've heard is that people in the western world today are just plain lazy. There are handouts at various levels of government to people that could legitimately work but choose not to for reasons of drug abuse, illness, or pure laziness (as my dad calls it). However, we are focusing on the minority from a physical perspective. 

From a mental perspective, have the majority of us become lazy? We stopped reading, which means we don't learn like we used to. When we were in school, we were forced to read. We acquired the skill and put it down when real work came calling. The desire to learn and grow has left most of us. I don't believe that is called laziness. I think we've lost our focus. We focused on getting a good job, getting fairly paid, raising a family and then thinking about retirement. We forgot that none of that could have happened unless we had the appropriate baseline skills. Those skills translated to experience and then nothing else really mattered. Yet if some hotshot 25 year old steals your job, you'll remember that learning was a key ingredient to your success in the beginning and it was your inability to act that forced you out. 

An inability to act mainly is derived from fear. As babies we are born into this world with two fears: loud noises and being dropped. As adults we have fears of many things: death, public speaking, loss, heights, rejection, etc. All of these fears are learned fears that we developed since our birth. So why are we afraid? One of the biggest fears that I have is the fear of what others might think. I believe I developed this fear in the 7th grade when all I wanted to do was conform with the cool kids. And man alive, I have to work everyday to shake it. 

I was taught recently to look at fear in the face and slap it silly. When faced with a difficult task or a frozen ability to act, ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?". Then ask yourself, "What's the best possible outcome if I do this despite my fear?".  Worst case scenarios happen far less often than we think. I've come to notice that worst case scenarios happen about 10% of the time. Yet my fear would hold me back 100% of the time. When you can live with the worst knowing that it has a small chance of happening, you'll see phenomenal results with your goals.

In Simon Synek's book, "Start with Why", he teaches us that no effect or desire can be lasting unless we have a clear profound reason why we need to continue acting in a positive way on this difficult journey. The reason has to be so profound that reverting to our old ways would be unacceptable and ludicrous.

Let's get passed our fears by finding our "Why" in our goals. Focus on them so intensely that they burn a hole in our brain. Let's achieve amazing results in 2014.

Let's go on a quest together...

Do you know anyone who considers themselves a gamer?

In my youth, gaming was defined by turning on the Nintendo, getting a couple of friends together and playing marathon games until morning. I remember on many occasions, playing all night until a friend's parent would get up and cook us breakfast. Watching the sunrise and never having slept has always been a special experience.

Although I still know people who love to game, I left that stuff behind a long time ago. The quest I search for today is to make a difference in the world by helping others achieve their goals.

First we need to realize that life is a finite resource. What are we doing with it?  Are we sitting in front of a computer checking friend status updates or watching TV? I'm not here to judge, because I have wasted as much time as the next person. However, is there an ability to do more, to give more, to laugh more, or to love more? We will all die. What are we doing with our time?

Somewhere around the age of 15, we lost the ability to dream. Maybe the loss was stimulated by puberty. When I say dream, I don't mean just thinking of princesses and dragons. I mean really dreaming, dreaming about what how we are going to make a difference. Was it because the distractions of video games, TV, internet and now smart phones that squashed our senses by helping us escape our lives? My grandfather didn't have any of that stuff, and I think he lacked the ability to dream too, so I'm not going to blame technology. I think it's deeper than that.

Now let's talk about dreaming for a minute. I've read that the mathematical definition of a dream can be simply put as follows:

Dream = Goal + Inaction (negative action)

So if that equation is correct, all we have to do is clearly define our goals and then add a large dose of action and we'll get what we desire. This is what some call the Laws of Attraction. To get what you want, you need to act. So the true problem we have with dreaming is the ability to Act.

Act I will. Are you with me? Are we ready for the evil warlocks of laughter? Are we prepared for the fire breathing dragon of fear? Can we overcome the deathly hollows of mediocrity?

I believe, as my mom taught me, that we can be whatever we want to be. We just have to believe deep enough in it and we have to act on it. Let's play the best game of all. It's hard as hell, some think it can't be won, and we'll have a blast not watching the tick-tock of the clock. Life, it's awesome. Let's set some big lofty goals, then act upon them.

Letter to Mom...

Dear Mom, 

When I look in the mirror, I see you.

I have patience because I watched you hold your temper.

I am happy because you were always laughing. 

I am sensitive to my kids' feelings because you were tender to Dad, sis and I. 

I am forgiving because you told me that only the present could be changed, not the past. 

I am confident because you continuously told me that I could achieve anything I wanted. 

When I failed at something, you never showed your disappointment. You knew failure was a life lesson, and I had to endure it to be successful. 

I am successful because of you. 

My greatest desire in life is to be as great a teacher as you. 

I love you.

Your only son, Rick

PS. Can you please tell me where you hid the Children's Operating Manual? I looked on ebay and can't find it.

In order to serve, one must be humble...

Having attended Magical Worlds Workshop at Wizard Academy in Austin, Texas, we were encouraged to start writing daily. I figured the best way to get my thoughts down was to start a daily blog. So here it goes...

Today I think I’m stupid. Maybe stupid is the wrong word. Maybe the word should be unaware. 

Wait a minute, isn’t being unaware kinda like being ignorant. So then I said it right: I’m stupid. Is it possible that I’m stupider than I was yesterday? 

There was a time when I thought I got smarter each day. That day ended on November 5. Ignorance is bliss? Hell no, ignorance is painful. When I don’t kiss my children to let them know I love them every morning, what have I done? When I don’t appreciate my wife for being my best friend even when I didn’t think I had any best friends – that’s painful especially if she ever leaves me. 

I sit here crying while I write, wiping the snot away on my sleeve, not wanting to be stupid. I’ve always wanted to be smart. My quest for intelligence drove me closer to stupidity. I think EGO drives stupidity. So the first step to awareness is removing the damn bastard off my shoulder and throwing him into the fire, like the devil that he is. Is humbility the ultimate approach to awareness? I don’t know, but that’s where I will begin my new journey.

I often ask myself the question. Am I afraid to die?

Why death? Mortality speaking, isn’t death the ultimate end game.

After this morning, I believe I’m asking the wrong question. What is the right question? Well that I don’t know because I’m stupid. Today, I’m going to start asking myself a new question: 

Am I ready to face God?