I won't tell anyone...Promise

Have you ever told a secret to a friend to find out the friend couldn't keep it? Have you ever participated in gossip? Have you found out something really interesting and couldn't wait to share it with everyone you talked to?

This stuff happens all of the time. When we are the subject of it, we feel hurt. However when we participate in it, we feel something else.

People tell me all of the time, "This is highly confidential". There's so much confidential information in my head that I sometimes can't differentiate what I'm allowed to share and what I need to keep to myself. I hate that feeling. Even more, I hate the feeling that comes once I say something I wasn't supposed to. 

Recently I had a business for sale. The information that was given to prospective buyers was highly confidential in which they had to sign a "non disclosure agreement". Not only were they not allowed to talk about the financials to anyone but their accountant and lawyer, they were not to disclose the business was for sale. We took great measures to keep the information quiet so as not to upset our employees, our customers and anyone else who might have a stake in our business.

You can guess what happened next. Within 6 months, everyone in the business community seemingly knew about our intentions and it started leaking to our staff. Some of our key employees lost confidence in our leadership and subsequently left our business before it was sold. These decisions of others affected our relationships with staff, our financial situation and our stress levels. Ultimately, the business did sell, but the sharing of information intrigued me more than anything else.

After having gone through the previous scenario, I started to realize that you can't trust most people to keep a secret, even in the face of a legal document. After I sold that business, I was pursuing another business. People would confront me and ask what I'm doing next. To keep things as quiet as possible, I usually told them I was looking at the furniture business, but I wouldn't share specifics.  As an experiment, I told 5 people exactly what I was doing. These 5 people I trusted. You can guess what happened next, can't you.

Unfortunately, there were only 4 people I should've trusted. 

The one person that shared the scoop was easily identifiable, because when a sixth person emerged, all I had to look for was the common relationships.

This stuff happens all of the time and here's why: Social Currency. In Jonah Berger's recent book, "Contagious", he explains that information more valuable to you than the trust given to you will be shared. Using this information, makes you look smarter. You become the journalist with the "big scoop". You don't do it on purpose you do it to belong and feel good about yourself.

So the next time someone betrays your trust with information that they weren't supposed to share, don't get mad at them. It wasn't a personal attack on you. Just understand that they don't think very much of themselves so they share it to become smarter with others. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.   

Ta ta for now,

Rick