Forgive and forget

We've all had things happen to us that have left deep emotional scars. Those damn things that hurt. Those thoughts that just don't go away. Over time, we bury those scars telling ourselves that it doesn't bother us anymore.In fact, we may even believe our own personal bullshit.

Many times, the stuff that happens to us is a result of someone else doing a wrong. My mom used to always tell me the past is in the past. You need to learn to forgive and forget. That advice is almost impossible to follow. I'm not Mother Teresa. Forgetting is easy. I just need to bury it deep inside of me and as long as there are no cues to bring up all of those bad memories, I'll be good. Forgiving is the hard part. Forgiving makes me uncomfortable.

To forgive someone would be absolving them of the guilt they should carry. To forgive would be letting them off the hook. Where is the pain when you think about these hurtful things? It's inside of us. It's not on the other person. In some cases, the other person, doesn't know or maybe even care about our pain. The pain inside us, hurts us and in fact can even kill us.

There are people I don't like because of the way they hurt me. The sociopaths that have come into my life vary from family members to work colleagues. Forgiving them is really hard to do. I'm not sure it can be done. I don't like them, I don't trust them. I don't want to be hurt by them again. And that's ok. But I do need to forgive them.

Michael Wickett's book "Forgive and Be Free to Create your Ideal Life" has powerful stories about forgiveness and the benefits to the person doing the forgiving. There are stories that discuss how a mother forgives the man that killed her child, how a woman forgives the man who raped her, and so on. The key thing in the book is how people were able to "let go" of their pain and return to a more normal life.

According to Wickett, we need to learn to forgive, but never forget.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I didn't say trust them again....

Forgive them. I don't know how to do it. But it seems like the right place to start.

Wickett suggests that we need to write a letter to the person that hurt us. He says that we need to put all the crap that is deep inside, all of the emotions, all of the anger, all of the hurt on paper. But we don't send the letter. We destroy it. The emotions are ours. The pain is ours.

Are you up for it? Does it make you uncomfortable? Hope so, 'cause that's where growth sits...

I'm not perfect. I'm sure I've hurt other people. I don't know who. But I'm sure of it. I'm really sorry about that. It was never my intention. What if the people that hurt us feel the same way? What if the people that hurt us didn't even know they hurt us?

Ta ta for now!

"The weak can never forgive, Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong".
- Mahatma Gandhi