Thoughts about death

Death is something we don't like to talk about, something we don't like to think about when it applies to us or to those close to us. Yet when it applies to someone we don't really know, death is discussed like the weather.

It's shameful. Someone's mother died. Someone's sister died. They are in pain and we discuss in a "matter of fact" way to get caught up on the community news. We don't do it to hurt anyone. We communicate to make sure we are informed.

Last week, I read a story emerging on Facebook about a man who took his life by jumping off a highway bridge. The interaction between the trolls on Facebook sickened me. It wasn't the first time I have witnessed this type of online dialogue. I go to this specific group because the information is usually helpful when it comes to traffic jams and road closures. The interaction on this day described in great detail the stuff that no one needs to hear or picture. Has our society sunken so low?

I found out today that I knew the gentleman. He was my doctor, my specialist. In a field dominated by egos, in which I have felt like a number for a very long time, he made me feel human.  He was one of the good ones. Even though he was extremely busy, I never felt rushed when I had him in the room.

I didn't know him on a personal level, so I can't comment on his pain. So I won't. I don't understand it. I won't profess to understand it. Here's what I will share.

There have been times in my life when I didn't feel worthy of living. No need to worry mom, I will never have the courage to harm myself on purpose.

My friend Craig explained courage to commit suicide this way to me. Most people fear death. To act despite that fear is the very definition of courage. We generally associate courage with positive, heroic actions. Craig's right. Although a negative event, suicide is still a courageous act. We treat suicide cases like victims: victims of pain, victims of the inability to escape it, victims of mental health problems.

Obviously a prevented suicide is always a better option. But if the ultimate has been committed, there's nothing we can do to bring it back.

The ancient Samurai would thrust themselves upon their own swords in order to die with honour than to die at the hands of their enemy. Death only hurts the living. My doctor refused to let his enemy kill him. He killed himself first. He's a Samurai in my books.

For the people I have offended, I don't like the thought of suicide. I don't condone suicide. I'm saying that if we lose someone to it, we need to remember their positive qualities that stayed with them right to very last minute of their life.  That's all.