Balancing work and family

My kids were both born in the 22 months between my last corporate job and the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey.

My son was born exactly one month before the first restaurant opened. I couldn't be the dad I wanted to be. I wanted to play with my boy. Teach him how to throw a ball. Go skating, play hockey, watch TV. But I was tired.

A full day of work will do that to a person. Adding to the fatigue was the stress of trying to make a dream come true, working with 30 other people who depended on me for their paycheques and all the other individual problems that come from hiring 30 people.

I made a commitment to my business that I would work 6 days per week to make it a success. With Wednesday off, it would eventually become known as Family Day.

Family Day was set up to be the one day where we would do stuff together, not answer the phones, play, go on a day trip. The goal was to just have fun.

People said I was going to burn myself out working 6 days per week. I didn't believe it. I know lots of people who go to a paying job Monday to Friday only to work their butts off on Saturday and Sunday with house chores. Clearly, I neglected the house chores. But I didn't like doing them and I was paid more at work than I was cleaning the garage.

But as the kids got older and started school, balance became more of an issue. Family Day consisted of just me and my wife, while the kids were off to the education factory.

When they were off, I was at work. Eventually, my wife got in the business and she was also working on Sundays. I only saw the kids at nights for a few hours between homework and bedtime. My wife got Saturday with them as she cleaned the house.

I hated it. The only balance we had in our lives started with IM.

I wanted to work.
I liked the work.

But the stresses got too strong. And everything started to bother us.

The marriage was strained.
Relationships with business partners went downhill.
The kids were being cared for by everyone but us.
It felt like our lives were built on a deck of cards, just waiting for the wrong move.

Until one day, we decided to sell everything.

Nothing was more important than us raising our kids. We had them because we wanted a family more than anything else in the world.

And even though I knew that, I kind of forgot about it as I pushed my business interests higher.

Balance does not exist when it comes to work and family.

It's more like a swingset. You push and then you receive, only to push again. While the swing goes up, you can do other things quickly so you can be there to receive the swing as it comes back down. You can ignore pushing the swing a few times as you focus on the other task. Eventually if you don't give it another push, the swing stops.

As we try to survive, provide and nurture, we drive ourselves crazy trying to be all things to all people. High school taught us that we can't do that.

What's sitting on your swing, work or family?