Reactivity versus Proactivity

Ball one.  Inside.
Ball two. Too deep
Ball three.
Thwack! The ball zoomed by my head. This wasn't the first time this guy had done it this evening The hardest hitter in the city and he fired a loaded gun at my head as he hit the softball with the force of a dragon that lost her baby to a softball pitcher.

Why is it called a softball?
There's nothing soft about it when it hits me.

What did I ever do to him?
I thought we were friends.
He's a competitor playing a sport that I treat like a game.

I had a choice. The first words out of my mouth were emotional.  The prefrontal cortex wanted to fight. It was my first reaction...instinct. I was being reactive when forced into a dangerous situation.

After I calmed down and realized what had happened, the problem worked its way to the neo cortex of the brain. This area is responsible for problem solving. With that I looked for the solution to stop the monster from pointing his gun at me anymore.

Dr. Stephen Covey refers to this second level as proactive.

In the reactive state, things happen to us. People make us feel bad. We are not responsible. It's someone else's fault. Our choice is simple: Fight or flee.

The proactive state, we have a choices. We find a solution without getting emotional. Things just happen. They don't happen to us. We are responsible for the choices we make. We can adjust our thoughts or actions to remedy the problem.

When the ball zoomed by my head, I stared my friend down. This was the third time he had done it that night.

"What the hell?", I screamed.
"I don't want to walk", he responded nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal.
"I like you but you're being an idiot".

As the problem left the prefrontal cortex and entered the proactive area of my neo cortex, the solution became quite simple.

My choice: continue to let him fire away at me with reckless abandon or walk him on purpose. Give him the thing he doesn't want the most.

For the rest of the evening, the monster was given a free pass. He was no longer given the right to hit the ball. The game isn't about winning or losing. I play the game to have fun. There's nothing fun about going to Emergency for a softball contusion. Because of his actions, he took away my fun.

He never demonstrated he was going to change, so I took away his. And in the process, I got mine back. Walking him four times almost guaranteed the loss.

Losing was a lot of fun when we lose this way.

Next game we play, I am going to ask him if he's going to play nice. If not, he can walk all night again. His choice will dictate my next move.

It's wonderful having choices while taking responsibility for my actions. The weight of another person's actions can weigh heavy causing frustration, distrust and anger.