The power of a compliment

I grew up not hearing or not listening to compliments. Not sure which is truth. My brain falsely remembers many things, so it may be lying to me again.

I don't take compliments easily. It's embarrassing to hear positive remarks. I don't know what to say, how to act or what to do. It's uncomfortable. I want to pull away, covering my ears while screaming at the top of my lungs.

I know that's weird.

I'm not a compliment giver either. I fail to recognize or get rapped up into other thoughts. It slips my mind as it never becomes a priority.

I am married to a wonderful woman who happens to be beautiful. For 17 years, as life and family and business happened, without realizing it, I took more from the relationship than I gave. I stopped giving her a good morning kiss. I stopped telling her I loved her. I stopped telling her how beautiful she was.

It wasn't on purpose. It wasn't because we were fighting. It was a gradual decline with the snuffing a single spark, one at a time. Fireworks is nothing more than a series of sparks. Our light was slowing decaying into an unmagical series of sparks without definition.

Love dresses in different colours. In the beginning, it dresses in bright neon colours eliciting excitement and adoration. As time goes on, it changes to the reds and blues of friendship. Then it morphs into the earth tones of mutual respect and admiration. The most fun time in a relationship is the early stage. The sparks are bright, noticeable and exciting. It's the spark of excitement that burns out over time into the boring earth tones if we're not careful.

A few months ago, I started a morning ritual that changed my life. It's so simple, you may not believe me.

The single use of a compliment.

Each morning when my wife wakes up, I meet her on the way to the coffee pot. I embrace her with both arms wrapped around her back. I look into her soul and say, "You are beautiful and I love you."

I do it because I believe it. I do it because I want her to know it. One morning I left before she awoke, so I texted her my compliment, knowing full well she checks her messages before making her morning coffee. Before I thought of the texting, I sometimes missed a day. Just like any habit, if you miss a day, the best way to compensate is to do it twice the next day.

It's a joke to both of us when I do it twice. But she sees how important it is for me to compliment her. It relights one of the sparks. She is humbled by it. She doesn't know what to say. She smiles, hugs me and caresses my back in the process.

The power of a compliment has helped us find a new Spring in the seasons of our relationship.
We have found the neon colours in our love.

Have you ever made a commitment to give away a compliment a day? The cost of one is nothing. The value is infinite. It may come easy to some of you. It does not for me.

My life is better because of it.