Musing of a troubled mind

The harder I try, the harder it gets.

The faster I run, the farther I move away from my goal.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but everything I was taught about trying might be wrong. Remember when we were younger, our teachers would encourage us by saying, "You just need to try harder".

Yoda says there is no try, just do.

I know what I want.
I've been sending mixed messages.
Because I'm in conflict with what I want and what I need to do.

Does anyone else out there ever feel like they are settling in order to get what they need.

I don't believe strong enough that everything will be ok without total effort.
I have tried to believe before without result.

There I go again, using that messy "T" word.

Once in my life, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I chased it until I got it. It took me 22 months to get it.  The lesson I learned was persistence was the key to achievement. Interestingly enough, the thing I got wasn't what I wanted. I sold it after 7 years only to put me in the exact position I was 10 years ago.

Am I going crazy?

I don't think anything comes easy. I think challenges are God's way of asking us if we are serious about our wishes.

Challenges are a person's way to self-select out of an opportunity.

I do this all the time with people who want to work with me.
Why wouldn't God use the same strategy on me?

I don't want to survive. Anyone can do that.
I want to thrive.
I want to leave something on this earth after I die.

My wife thinks my desire is primal. She thinks our inability to have biological children drives my fire to create something else.

Could it be that an inability to plant a seed drives a desire to make something else remarkable?

Awesome Aline is smart in the way of these things.
I think she's right.