My best friend died today

A bunch of famous musicians died when they were 27: Jim Morrison, Janice Joplin, Kurt Cobain.

I was 21 when Kurt Cobain committed suicide. I loved Nirvana. "Teen Spirit" was the rock anthem of 1991 and 1992. The music was just so radical for me as a young adult.

After Cobain's death, for a reason I will never be able to explain, there was an overwhelming feeling of death in my life. It was so strong that I interpreted it as a sensation that I would die when I was 27 and join some of these famous icons.

Although I had no aspirations of being famous. I never thought I "belonged" on that list of people who died in their prime. It was just a thought, a sensation, a pulse that I would die in my 27th year since birth. I never kept these thought silent. I told the people close to me that I was going to die at 27. I told my mom and dad. I told my girlfriend who became my wife. I thought I was crazy. But for some reason this sensation of death could not escape the clutches of my perception.

I turned 27 in the year 2000. I'm sure this time of confusion and uncertainty contributed to these strange sensations. The Y2K bug was going to shut down all of the world computers. People were somewhat nervous. Funny thing was that even though I could feel the clutches of death, it never scared me. I had completely accepted it and wasn't afraid of it at that time.

And then he threw me a curve ball that I didn't see coming. Death came knocking on my door just 11 days into my 27th birthday. Someone very close to me unexpectedly died.

I lost an uncle. I lost a teammate. I lost a friend's father. After he died, I told people that he was like a second dad. And in many ways he was. In a world before cell phones, if you wanted to find me, I was either at my parent's home or at his house. He died 14 years ago today. And only recently did I realize that I lost my best friend that day.

He wasn't a friend in a way that we would go chasing girls. He wasn't a friend that you would bring to the teenage dance (he was 18 years older than me). If you needed to talk, he would listen. He could break down the bullshit and give solid advice. If you needed to laugh, he was always up for a good time. He never judged me. He never told me what to do. He never put me down to make himself feel better. But if you needed something, he was there with "bells on". Funny thing is that anyone who knew him, felt the same way about him.

Dan, I never mourned for anyone the way I have mourned for you. And as I'm writing this I realize I still mourn you. I still miss you.

My best friend died on the seventh day of the second month of the zero year (00-2-7). A piece of me died that day with him.