You're so selfish...

I am selfish.

Raised in a family where things weren't easily available, I used to envy others. I didn't realize at the time, but now that I look back on it, we were poor.

My parents always found a way to have food in the house. Dad would hunt. He would grow a garden in the summer. Mom preserved fruits and strawberry jam. Food wasn't the problem. It was the other stuff that a young boy wanted.

I wanted to stop black cylindrical weapons being hurled at me. I wanted to play hockey. My cousin played hockey. We would play hockey whenever we had a chance - the hallway, the livingroom, the front yard, the driveway, at school. We were inseparable. He was the guy who would score the goals, and I would stop them. Together we would win school floor hockey championships. Apart, we had the greatest battles.  He made me a better hockey player.

I was crushed the first year my parents said they couldn't afford hockey. I was only 7. After that, I never asked again. It was at that time, I realized money was essential for the things I wanted. I became obsessed with it. I started mowing lawns at age 9, working on a farm at 11, raising foxes and babysitting at 14, and ultimately getting my first summer job at 15.

Money was scarce in my house. My parents used to say I was mean with my money. Meaning, I was greedy. I didn't want to spend it. If I didn't have any desire for something, I didn't want to spend it. The dreams of what it could buy were always better than the real thing. I didn't know what it meant at the time but I was practicing delayed gratification.

Delayed gratification is something we don't see much of anymore. If I want something, I go get it. If I don't have the money, I put it on my credit card.

My kids believe they can have whatever they want if they have a piece of plastic. They're selfish too. They're allowed to be since they are still kids. We are training them slowly.

I don't have that same right. I am in the generation that needs to be giving back. I have been trained for years that money is scarce.

I am trying to learn selflessness. I know happiness lies in unconditional giving. Money is not scarce. Someone always has less.