Old childhood friends are like rock 'n roll t-shirts. The vivid memory is cemented in time by the shirt. The drinking, the debauchery, the borderline illegal activities will always be remembered but the show had to end. The memories cannot be forgotten. The t-shirt is the only thing I have left to remember the craziness. My wife convinced me to throw some of them away. There are still a few lingering around in my closet.
This week, an old t-shirt re-emerged from one of the drawers. I love this t-shirt. I love him like a brother.
He called on Tuesday afternoon. He hasn't called me in five years. Things must be bad. The only thing that came to mind was that he needed money. He told me he and his wife were unemployed. He wanted to meet for coffee the following morning.
Wednesday morning, he told me he's broke. He has fallen on tough times. Christmas is here. He doesn't know how to support his family. He can't pay the rent. His support network is thinning. He can't get a job.
I'm not throwing him out. I love him. His heart is made of solid gold. He's like his dad that way.
This t-shirt has always been one step away from ruin. It seemed everything he did was the opposite of what I would do. It might have been the alcohol or the drugs. Or it may have been his poor choice in women. About two years ago, he started getting his life together. He left his troubled girlfriend. He met a new girl and he fell in love again. Not hard for him. The kid always wore his heart on his sleeve. Although I don't know her, the new girl seems nice.
I trust the t-shirt. He's not a thief. He doesn't have a plan to pay it back. There's no income. I offered other potential solutions which may not work for him. But that's his decision. If I don't hear from him, I hope he solves his problem.
He'll always be one of my favourite t-shirts. He doesn't fit me any more. I've grown and he's still the same old party shirt.
I'm not throwing him out, but I'm not wearing him either.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
There is a first for everything
My kids are addicted to electronics. More specifically, my daughter loves our iPad. She can spend all day focused on her fashion game playing dress-up with her online avatars.
She's quiet. There are no quarrels with her brother and quiet time on a Saturday afternoon is joy. Yet when the time comes to put down the e-device, a monster emerges.
We call it a zombie attack. Her eyes are popped out like a bug on heroine. He face is tired. Her attitude toward everything is apathetic. Then she starts whining and crying. Anything we do at this point is pure evil in her eyes. We don't like zombies.
Last Saturday, when she zombied us, we declared a dry day Sunday. No electronics, including TV for the entire day. Any moment on e-devices had to be met with an equal moment outside.
My daughter doesn't like going outside. No, she hates the outdoors. Even in the summer, with the pool and the trampoline and the beach, she prefers to stay indoors.
Sunday morning started with begging and pleading for a quick e-fix. Upon refusal, I was again cast as the villain of my children's story.
When Mama woke up, I had my Tonto. Together we could thwart the children's e-attacks.
Magic emerged from the potential zombie e-cloud. The kids played together. They made a mess at the kitchen table but they were using their creativity cutting out paper and drawing.
My daughter asked me if I had ever had my nails done. To her dismay, my fingers were once painted, but my toes were still virgin territory. She asked if we could play Daddy Spa. She wanted to paint my toenails. My only request was to have a racing stripe down the middle of each nail.
She spent the next 14 minutes delicately beautifying my nails with silver racing stripes. She went as far to include a clear coat so the paint wouldn't easily come off.
Last night she asked me if I took off the nail polish. When I informed her I had not, she seemed to quietly smile as if to say, "Daddy is weird, but I love him for it".
Hope she doesn't ask me if I ever wore make up and dressed up like a girl. I'll have to tell her I did it twice.
She's quiet. There are no quarrels with her brother and quiet time on a Saturday afternoon is joy. Yet when the time comes to put down the e-device, a monster emerges.
We call it a zombie attack. Her eyes are popped out like a bug on heroine. He face is tired. Her attitude toward everything is apathetic. Then she starts whining and crying. Anything we do at this point is pure evil in her eyes. We don't like zombies.
Last Saturday, when she zombied us, we declared a dry day Sunday. No electronics, including TV for the entire day. Any moment on e-devices had to be met with an equal moment outside.
My daughter doesn't like going outside. No, she hates the outdoors. Even in the summer, with the pool and the trampoline and the beach, she prefers to stay indoors.
Sunday morning started with begging and pleading for a quick e-fix. Upon refusal, I was again cast as the villain of my children's story.
When Mama woke up, I had my Tonto. Together we could thwart the children's e-attacks.
Magic emerged from the potential zombie e-cloud. The kids played together. They made a mess at the kitchen table but they were using their creativity cutting out paper and drawing.
My daughter asked me if I had ever had my nails done. To her dismay, my fingers were once painted, but my toes were still virgin territory. She asked if we could play Daddy Spa. She wanted to paint my toenails. My only request was to have a racing stripe down the middle of each nail.
She spent the next 14 minutes delicately beautifying my nails with silver racing stripes. She went as far to include a clear coat so the paint wouldn't easily come off.
Last night she asked me if I took off the nail polish. When I informed her I had not, she seemed to quietly smile as if to say, "Daddy is weird, but I love him for it".
Hope she doesn't ask me if I ever wore make up and dressed up like a girl. I'll have to tell her I did it twice.
I am not a writer
In grade seven, our class was given an assignment: Write a real or fictional short story about your family.
It was the only thing I remember writing as a child. I wrote a fictional story about a pet monkey. The monkey was a pest and eventually his undoing was messing with mom's supper. My parents told me they brought him to the zoo, where he could be comfortable doing monkey things. The story ends with a family meal. The steak, was the best meat I had ever tasted. It must've been the hint of banana mom put in the pan.
I never wrote anything again. No love letters. No songs. No poems. Nothing. Until 2014.
"I am not a writer", said a good friend.
What is a writer? Does not the ability to string words together to make sentences and then mesh thoughts to make essays or in today's lingo, blogs, constitute a writer.
For if I have written something, then I am writer.
The rules of writing are constantly changing. What was wrong in the 80's is being done by exceptionally gifted writers. Having a run on sentence is ok today. Making up words is acceptable now.
There was a time when a word wasn't a word until its own line in the Webster's Dictionary. Yet Dr. Seuss would make up words in every one of his books. And the educational system would sell us those books promoting them as works of art.
I write because I need to get stuff out of my head.
I write because I notice the small things more often.
I write because it makes me feel good.
I write to observe.
I write to understand.
I write to grow as a human.
It was the only thing I remember writing as a child. I wrote a fictional story about a pet monkey. The monkey was a pest and eventually his undoing was messing with mom's supper. My parents told me they brought him to the zoo, where he could be comfortable doing monkey things. The story ends with a family meal. The steak, was the best meat I had ever tasted. It must've been the hint of banana mom put in the pan.
I never wrote anything again. No love letters. No songs. No poems. Nothing. Until 2014.
"I am not a writer", said a good friend.
What is a writer? Does not the ability to string words together to make sentences and then mesh thoughts to make essays or in today's lingo, blogs, constitute a writer.
For if I have written something, then I am writer.
The rules of writing are constantly changing. What was wrong in the 80's is being done by exceptionally gifted writers. Having a run on sentence is ok today. Making up words is acceptable now.
There was a time when a word wasn't a word until its own line in the Webster's Dictionary. Yet Dr. Seuss would make up words in every one of his books. And the educational system would sell us those books promoting them as works of art.
I write because I need to get stuff out of my head.
I write because I notice the small things more often.
I write because it makes me feel good.
I write to observe.
I write to understand.
I write to grow as a human.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
What does a coach do?
I always thought a coach told players what to do. My coaches ran practices like army drills. They were tough.
Kids' coaches including teachers, parents, sports coaches, and music coaches. As adults we stop getting coaching. We rely on friends to tell us what to do.
Did you know the friend may be the worst type of coach you can have.
Did you know the friend may be the worst type of coach you can have.
A friend may be afraid for you. A friend who has not had a similar experience cannot coach you through your problem. In those cases, any advice you receive cannot be trusted, even if it came from your most trusted confidant.
A good friend will listen. Listening is only half of the answer. The other half is asking the right questions. The questions are more important than the feedback your friend offers you. Without experience, your buddy cannot ask the right questions.
As I get older, I respect the coach more now than ever before. A good coach doesn't tell us what to do. She trains us to tell ourselves what we want to do.
The professional athlete has a fitness coach, a nutrition coach, a media relations coach, a financial coach, a personal coach, an agent, etc.
Besides a few friends, what coaches do you have?
Sports Nation
I love my sports.
There was a time, I used to idolize the players as they performed their craft. The commitment level it takes to play professional sports today is off the charts. As a forty-ish year old man, playing professional sports is a dream I will never realize.
There was a time, training camp was to get all the athletes back in shape from the off season. Today, athletes train year round. Even when the season is over, they are in the gym. They constantly look for an edge to make them better, faster, stronger.
The game has gotten more competitive. There are more players trying to make the big leagues. Baseball has found new talent in Japan and India. Hockey now has access to players in Russia, which it didn't have 30 years ago.
The games are getting bigger. The players are stronger. The television coverage is better. And the dollars are astromungous.
I don't idolize the sport and its players much anymore.
The thing that appeals to me most about professional sport is the coach.
Coaches are not selected based on age or athleticism. Coaches were typically not great players. A great coach has an ability to get the most out of the players. The coach is the leader.
Yet teams still focus on players. They work free agency to pay for the best "free" talent only to mess with their team chemistry.
Coaches are chopped when players don't respond. Ironic in a way.
The coaches are my new idols in sport.
There was a time, I used to idolize the players as they performed their craft. The commitment level it takes to play professional sports today is off the charts. As a forty-ish year old man, playing professional sports is a dream I will never realize.
There was a time, training camp was to get all the athletes back in shape from the off season. Today, athletes train year round. Even when the season is over, they are in the gym. They constantly look for an edge to make them better, faster, stronger.
The game has gotten more competitive. There are more players trying to make the big leagues. Baseball has found new talent in Japan and India. Hockey now has access to players in Russia, which it didn't have 30 years ago.
The games are getting bigger. The players are stronger. The television coverage is better. And the dollars are astromungous.
I don't idolize the sport and its players much anymore.
The thing that appeals to me most about professional sport is the coach.
Coaches are not selected based on age or athleticism. Coaches were typically not great players. A great coach has an ability to get the most out of the players. The coach is the leader.
Yet teams still focus on players. They work free agency to pay for the best "free" talent only to mess with their team chemistry.
Coaches are chopped when players don't respond. Ironic in a way.
The coaches are my new idols in sport.
Monday, December 15, 2014
The Power of the Pause
The best speakers are the ones who know when to say nothing. As they share their material, they stop, as if they were about to tell a joke. The silence is maddening. They wait until finally.... they deliver the rest of the story.
The pauses are deliberate. They are used for effect. They act like a comedian delivering a punchline. The pause is a powerful tool.
Yet in life, we rarely pause. We rush from our bed, to get to work. We rush from work to pick up the kids. We rush from soccer practice to get the groceries. In December, we hurry through all of our obligations to buy gifts for loved ones. We scurry to friends and families trying not to forget anyone.
We rush through our conversations. We think that everything will be easier when the holidays are over. Only to realize there are a new set of things to do on the other side of December.
I think sometimes we like to rush. Maybe we get addicted to it. If they don't feel close to the edge of the cliff, they don't feel alive.
Other times, we are disorganized and ultimately feel overwhelmed.
We talk fast to get through to the next thought in the conversation.
We drive fast to get to our destination.
We eat fast so we can watch some TV.
And some of us have sex fast so we can go to sleep.
It sounded ridiculous when I wrote the previous paragraph. But it's true!
We all know the magic happens in the journey. Yet I'll be the first to admit I rarely look for it.
How do you find your powerful pause?
The pauses are deliberate. They are used for effect. They act like a comedian delivering a punchline. The pause is a powerful tool.
Yet in life, we rarely pause. We rush from our bed, to get to work. We rush from work to pick up the kids. We rush from soccer practice to get the groceries. In December, we hurry through all of our obligations to buy gifts for loved ones. We scurry to friends and families trying not to forget anyone.
We rush through our conversations. We think that everything will be easier when the holidays are over. Only to realize there are a new set of things to do on the other side of December.
I think sometimes we like to rush. Maybe we get addicted to it. If they don't feel close to the edge of the cliff, they don't feel alive.
Other times, we are disorganized and ultimately feel overwhelmed.
We talk fast to get through to the next thought in the conversation.
We drive fast to get to our destination.
We eat fast so we can watch some TV.
And some of us have sex fast so we can go to sleep.
It sounded ridiculous when I wrote the previous paragraph. But it's true!
We all know the magic happens in the journey. Yet I'll be the first to admit I rarely look for it.
How do you find your powerful pause?
Goal setting
I'm a member of a peer to peer mentoring group. It's a group that allows each member to share our goals, our dreams, our challenges, and our successes.
We talk about our businesses. We talk about our families. We talk about ourselves.
The reason I joined this group was to bounce ideas off others that didn't include family, friends and employees. The more I share, the more I get out of the meetings.
The biggest challenge of the group is goal setting and achievement. I'm the bad guy. The goalie. The guy that challenges others when they haven't achieved a goal they set for themselves.
If you ask my kids, they'll say I love being the bad guy. In fact, I hate it.
I'm as undisciplined as anyone else in the group. I set goals only to achieve 67% of them. I have no excuse. I don't have a job. I don't have a business. The distractions that everyone else have are not mine. I'm somewhat lazy.
Here's what I've learned about goals recently. The reason for achieving the goal is stronger than the goal itself.
If you set goals and don't achieve them, don't despair. I'm with you. The fact that you write down your goals puts you in the top 10% of people. Most actually don't take the time to put them on paper.
If you don't achieve your goal, check your reasons why you set the goal in the first place. I bet your reasons for setting the goal aren't very strong.
I'm trying to lose weight. It seems like everything I try falls apart. I know someone who lost 40 pounds recently. His reason might be a bit stronger. He separated from his wife and wants to look good as he reenters the dating scene.
We talk about our businesses. We talk about our families. We talk about ourselves.
The reason I joined this group was to bounce ideas off others that didn't include family, friends and employees. The more I share, the more I get out of the meetings.
The biggest challenge of the group is goal setting and achievement. I'm the bad guy. The goalie. The guy that challenges others when they haven't achieved a goal they set for themselves.
If you ask my kids, they'll say I love being the bad guy. In fact, I hate it.
I'm as undisciplined as anyone else in the group. I set goals only to achieve 67% of them. I have no excuse. I don't have a job. I don't have a business. The distractions that everyone else have are not mine. I'm somewhat lazy.
Here's what I've learned about goals recently. The reason for achieving the goal is stronger than the goal itself.
If you set goals and don't achieve them, don't despair. I'm with you. The fact that you write down your goals puts you in the top 10% of people. Most actually don't take the time to put them on paper.
If you don't achieve your goal, check your reasons why you set the goal in the first place. I bet your reasons for setting the goal aren't very strong.
I'm trying to lose weight. It seems like everything I try falls apart. I know someone who lost 40 pounds recently. His reason might be a bit stronger. He separated from his wife and wants to look good as he reenters the dating scene.
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