Monday, December 15, 2014

The Power of the Pause

The best speakers are the ones who know when to say nothing. As they share their material, they stop, as if they were about to tell a joke. The silence is maddening. They wait until finally.... they deliver the rest of the story.

The pauses are deliberate. They are used for effect. They act like a comedian delivering a punchline. The pause is a powerful tool.

Yet in life, we rarely pause. We rush from our bed, to get to work. We rush from work to pick up the kids. We rush from soccer practice to get the groceries. In December, we hurry through all of our obligations to buy gifts for loved ones. We scurry to friends and families trying not to forget anyone.

We rush through our conversations. We think that everything will be easier when the holidays are over. Only to realize there are a new set of things to do on the other side of December.

I think sometimes we like to rush. Maybe we get addicted to it. If they don't feel close to the edge of the cliff, they don't feel alive.

Other times, we are disorganized and ultimately feel overwhelmed.

We talk fast to get through to the next thought in the conversation.
We drive fast to get to our destination.
We eat fast so we can watch some TV.
And some of us have sex fast so we can go to sleep.

It sounded ridiculous when I wrote the previous paragraph. But it's true!

We all know the magic happens in the journey. Yet I'll be the first to admit I rarely look for it.

How do you find your powerful pause?

Goal setting

I'm a member of a peer to peer mentoring group. It's a group that allows each member to share our goals, our dreams, our challenges, and our successes.

We talk about our businesses. We talk about our families. We talk about ourselves.

The reason I joined this group was to bounce ideas off others that didn't include family, friends and employees. The more I share, the more I get out of the meetings.

The biggest challenge of the group is goal setting and achievement. I'm the bad guy. The goalie. The guy that challenges others when they haven't achieved a goal they set for themselves.

If you ask my kids, they'll say I love being the bad guy. In fact, I hate it.

I'm as undisciplined as anyone else in the group. I set goals only to achieve 67% of them. I have no excuse. I don't have a job. I don't have a business. The distractions that everyone else have are not mine. I'm somewhat lazy.

Here's what I've learned about goals recently. The reason for achieving the goal is stronger than the goal itself.

If you set goals and don't achieve them, don't despair. I'm with you. The fact that you write down your goals puts you in the top 10% of people. Most actually don't take the time to put them on paper.

If you don't achieve your goal, check your reasons why you set the goal in the first place. I bet your reasons for setting the goal aren't very strong.

I'm trying to lose weight. It seems like everything I try falls apart. I know someone who lost 40 pounds recently. His reason might be a bit stronger. He separated from his wife and wants to look good as he reenters the dating scene.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Start saying "Yes"

There are a lot of reasons someone says no. There are pleasers who take on extra responsibilities to the detriment of their own goals.

I recently had to go to a funeral for a member of my wife's family. It forced me to reflect on life. I didn't really know the person but people I care about were saddened by the loss. There are things that have to be done that no one wants to do on such a sad occasion. Someone always does them.

I know I'm aging as I'm asked to participate in more funerals. I don't like doing it. I don't think anyone does. It's not the attention. It's the sadness that bothers me. Yet I continue to say yes.

The person planning the funeral has a lot on her plate. Asking people to assist in the burial isn't what she wants to do either, but someone has to do it.

When someone says no, it means the planner has to ask someone else, which means more work in a time when grieving takes a back seat to actual work.

I could never put into words why I say yes until now. It has always felt like the right thing to do.

I never let my thoughts get in the way of these demands. Of course I don't want to do it. If I think about it too long, I'll say no. So I don't think. By saying yes, without thought makes me committed. Once someone is dependent on me, I won't let them down.

Funerals aside, some of my best life experiences have come from just saying yes. Was I scared? It didn't matter. Once committed, I had to do it. My growth has come from being utterly shitless and just saying "Yes" anyways.

I'm not writing about the pleasers who need to practice saying "no" in the mirror. I'm writing about those who need to say a few more "yeses". Your ability to say yes will have a direct impact on your future growth.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Discipline

I grew up in a house that was quite lenient. In a time when most kids still got the belt across the bum, I can't remember getting one.

I remember being afraid of my father when he shouted. His voice could carry for miles and vibrate my bones to cry. My mother was not intimidating. She tried to be. When she got mad at us, her face was a mix between Jerry Seinfeld and Bobo the Clown.  She would yell and we would laugh at her.

Mom's only effective measure for discipline was the usage of six dreaded words, "Wait until your father gets home".

As adults what forces keep us disciplined?

Going to work five days a week keeps us on track. If we don't go to work, we may lose our job. Is it still fear that keeps us disciplined? The habit of going to work every day makes it easy to go through the motions.

I was asked a great question yesterday. Do you have 10 years' experience or do you have 1 year's experience repeated 10 times?"

Over the past year, there's been no job waiting for me. There's been no one, except myself, scaring me to go to work. There have been days that I stayed in my pyjamas while most people went to work.

I have no routine. I started writing. I went back to reading. I renewed an exercise routine about 7 times. All for it to get squashed by the lack of discipline.

Three days ago, as I draw closer to buying another business, I woke up at 4:30am. I went to the office and drank a lemon water while the keyboard started putting words to a computer screen. Before anyone awoke I had written two blogs and I had read 60 pages. Full of energy I started and finished a business plan, had a meeting with a banker, and I exercised for 40 minutes. I had made pancakes for everyone when they woke up, helped with the lessons when the kids got home and even did the dishes after supper. Going to bed at 8:30pm exhausted, I knew the day was a complete success. I fullfilled my potential for that day.

The next morning was a similar day. Again I felt I had done everything I could have for the day.

Day three and I'm feeling alive. For me, the key to my discipline over the last three days has been limited television, sleeping early and rising before the roosters.

Discipline is self directed. As adults no one can instill it in us except ourselves.

How's your discipline?

Awoken in the night

Something breaks
Daddy screams
To hell with you
To hell with him

You drunken fool
Mommy cries
You'll wake the kids
It's 11 pm

I am tired
He whisperedly shouts
Is it Dennis or
Is it Tim

My eyes are open
My body aches
Is this beginning
Is this the end

What's this mean
My body seizes
I pray to you
I cry to HIM

Confusion enters
I love them both
I'm a boy
I'm only ten

No more sleeping
I'm mad inside
I bang the walls
I hurt my hand

Footsteps approach
Someone whispers
We're only talking
Go back to bed

With tearied face
I move my lips
To hell with you
To hell with him

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Costco's secret

Shhh! Don't tell anyone I told you this.

I found this note on the staff bulletin board at Costco. It was written for employees eyes only. I snuck back there in my black sleuth-like jacket and would've taken a picture of it with my Spi-phone but I was afraid that some would catch me.

Wanna know the secret of Costco's success?

There are four guiding principles for employees:
1. Smile.
2. Look a customer in the eye
3. Thank the customer.
4. Always say yes.

Sounds simple. Yet in my travels, there are very few retailers following these principles.

So why is it that Costco with its 200 employees in each store can follow these principles seamlessly yet a company of a mere 10 cannot?

The first three is based on the type of people who get hired at Costco. They hire people who like to smile, genuinely take the time to look people in the eye and people who are thankful on a daily basis.

Costco could easily have said there are two guiding principles.
1. Be yourself.
2. Always say yes.

30 day return policy? What if you were one of those keener Christmas shoppers that bought your wife's gift in July only to find out she bought it for herself while shopping in December. Instead of facing a Spanish Inquisition from Roz in Monster's Inc, the agent takes it back without any hassle.

Can we learn something about ALL of our relationships from Costco?

I know. I know. It's sad that I try to compare my life to that of an inanimate corporation. In tomorrow's blog I will share a recent experience that reminds me of the Costco principles.



Measuring success in sport and in life

Sports is about winning. Right?

Watch any championship game. There is a clear definition of a winner and a loser. The winner screams in jubilation while the opponent hangs their heads in defeat.

John Wooden, legendary coach at UCLA, states that success cannot be measured by the number of wins. "Don't worry about whether you're better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can become.  You have control over that; the other you don't."

Success isn't based on winning. It's based on growth. It's based on becoming the best we can be.

Sounds like the idea behind youth soccer.

Kids soccer was set up for participation where everyone gets a medal. Ask my 8 year old about last summer's soccer season and he will say they won the championship. There was no championship. There weren't any playoffs. We weren't even supposed to keep score. I sat and watched, while drinking my iced water, to witness the psychoness of sport emerge in little kids and grown parents.

Children can't be taught that sport isn't about winning if parents don't believe it.

If you ask anyone if life is a race, they will say no. Talk is cheap. Observe what they do instead. We don't wait to save money to buy that shiny toy. We wait to pay off the credit card bill instead. Instant gratification until the next desired shiny toy comes along.

Life isn't a race, but we act like it is. We know we can't win at the race called life, but we try.

We crazy!

The only way we achieve success is if we fulfill our potential. The only question that matters is "What is your potential?"