Powerless on a storm day

We awoke to darkness. No clock, no bathroom light and most importantly no heat on this icy, chilly morning.

I walked slowly down the stairs, making sure my foot landed securely on the next step. 5:30 in the morning. What could I do? No electronics to distract me. It's too dark to read. I still have my cell phone. With a single connection to the outside world, I can verify the school situation. Can't surf too long, the battery is only half charged. Next, I need to find out how long this outage will last. On the power company's website, it states the power could be off until noon. Piece of cake, I think to myself.

I doze off to sleep on the couch waiting for daylight to emerge. My daughter wakes me up. She comes downstairs to verify if there's school. Excited for 14 seconds, she jumps for the computer. This is her first true encounter with being powerless. She then tries to turn the TV on. Finally she reaches for the iPad. It's got 17% battery left, but no wifi connection. I tell her to save the battery life for later. She responds, "no worries, I'll go get the charger". Poor little girl hasn't figured out yet that life is dominated by electricity.

My son wakes up. When he wakes up, everybody wakes up. The loud little boy that he is doesn't yet understand the value of a whisper.

With the whole family now awake, I turn on the propane fireplace. Without the benefits of the blower, it will throws limited heat. Some heat is better than none.

What happened next was marvellous. My kids played together. We all sat around the fireplace and talked. No distractions... We played two board games. My kids volunteered to go outside and played together. On any other day, we couldn't pay them to do that. We even got the Nerf guns out and ran around the house shooting each other.

Finally, we got out of the house at 2pm. My phone needed to be recharged so we went for a drive, got a needed dose of caffeine.

At 4pm, the power company updated their website. We could be powerless for another day. No big deal, especially when today was so much fun.

Tonight we're all gonna sleep together. For once, the kids are looking forward to bedtime.

In the absence of power, today was indeed an electric day. 

Animal house

Dogs, cats, foxes, rabbits, turkeys, chickens, pigs, Star and Morgan.

The answer to the question what animals did I help raise when I was a child. We always had cats around. They kept away the mice. I think we always had dogs because dad liked to hunt ducks. Dogs made his job easier getting the ducks out of the water.

Turkeys, chickens, rabbits, foxes and pigs were food.  We didn't eat foxes. Their fur made us money that ultimately was exchanged for food.

Star was a fox pup. Her mother was extremely nervous. Nervous fox mothers eat their babies. It was our first fox litter. The day Star was born, she had four siblings. Each day, dad would check on them, their numbers depleting like the snow on a springtime day. The final day he looked, there was only one baby silver fox left. Star would not survive another night with her mother. Dad had a tough decision: take the baby fox away from her mom or let her die at the mouth of her mother. The worst that could happen is the baby fox would die. There wasn't much of a choice.

He removed Star from the kennel. What he did next was genius. We had a cat that had a litter of kittens. He put Star on the mother cat to see if she would feed the fox. In less than a day, the mother cat naturally accepted an adoption. Our cat saved Star's life. The fox grew much faster than her adoptive brothers and sisters so after a month we found alternative sources of food. Being raised in the house, Star acted more like a dog than a fox. I'll never forget her.

Then there was Morgan. At work one day, dad was informed about a mother raccoon that had been hit by a car. Her young babies were hiding in the grass on the side of the road. Too afraid of life, too small to survive on their own, my dad brought one of the babies home to raise. Always a fan of rum, he named the female raccoon after his favourite brand: Captain Morgan.  Again, as a baby, she was raised domestically as part of the family. Wildness wasn't part of her psyche. She only knew what she knew. Morgan was family. I remember having Morgan on my shoulders, just like a cat. She wasn't just tame. She was cuddly.

Wild animals will have instincts of the wild is what I was taught in school. Rest assured Star and Morgan were not wild animals. They were part of our family. How many people do you know who had a pet fox, and raccoon?

Ever heard of pet crows? My grandfather raised two pet crows. I remember feeding Fred and Barney by hand.

I was talking to a smart guy yesterday. He said there were four parts to the human psyche: mind, spirit, body and emotional fitness. I argued the fourth part was the connection to nature.

Without the connection to nature, we have nothing. I will always be thankful to my dad and my grampie who showed me how easily domesticated wild animals can be.

With these stories of wild animals, my hopes are wild assholes can be tamed as easily.

Thoughts about death

Death is something we don't like to talk about, something we don't like to think about when it applies to us or to those close to us. Yet when it applies to someone we don't really know, death is discussed like the weather.

It's shameful. Someone's mother died. Someone's sister died. They are in pain and we discuss in a "matter of fact" way to get caught up on the community news. We don't do it to hurt anyone. We communicate to make sure we are informed.

Last week, I read a story emerging on Facebook about a man who took his life by jumping off a highway bridge. The interaction between the trolls on Facebook sickened me. It wasn't the first time I have witnessed this type of online dialogue. I go to this specific group because the information is usually helpful when it comes to traffic jams and road closures. The interaction on this day described in great detail the stuff that no one needs to hear or picture. Has our society sunken so low?

I found out today that I knew the gentleman. He was my doctor, my specialist. In a field dominated by egos, in which I have felt like a number for a very long time, he made me feel human.  He was one of the good ones. Even though he was extremely busy, I never felt rushed when I had him in the room.

I didn't know him on a personal level, so I can't comment on his pain. So I won't. I don't understand it. I won't profess to understand it. Here's what I will share.

There have been times in my life when I didn't feel worthy of living. No need to worry mom, I will never have the courage to harm myself on purpose.

My friend Craig explained courage to commit suicide this way to me. Most people fear death. To act despite that fear is the very definition of courage. We generally associate courage with positive, heroic actions. Craig's right. Although a negative event, suicide is still a courageous act. We treat suicide cases like victims: victims of pain, victims of the inability to escape it, victims of mental health problems.

Obviously a prevented suicide is always a better option. But if the ultimate has been committed, there's nothing we can do to bring it back.

The ancient Samurai would thrust themselves upon their own swords in order to die with honour than to die at the hands of their enemy. Death only hurts the living. My doctor refused to let his enemy kill him. He killed himself first. He's a Samurai in my books.

For the people I have offended, I don't like the thought of suicide. I don't condone suicide. I'm saying that if we lose someone to it, we need to remember their positive qualities that stayed with them right to very last minute of their life.  That's all.

Yes or no or maybe

There are typically three answers to a closed ended question - yes, no or maybe.

If you're looking for an answer to something, using the closed ended question may not be your best approach unless you know how to get people to make a decision. When I was growing up, my parents always said "maybe". We quickly picked up the non committal forces and would ask "maybe-yes or maybe-no". We wanted a yes. If our parents couldn't commit to a yes, we wanted them at least leaning toward the yes.

Research shows that most don't like saying no. They may reject the idea, but they don't want to reject the person presenting the idea. We don't want to hurt people's feelings. We don't like hearing "no", so we don't like saying either.

Unless the interrogator is being an asshole, what do we say instead? We deflect, just like my parents did, by saying, "let me think about it", which is in effect a "maybe".

Maybes suck. In most cases, they are just a "no" disguised as a potential "yes".

In my limited sales training, I've learnt that maybes are not an acceptable response. In any sales scenario, we ultimately need a yes or a no.

The best stuff I learn comes from my kids. This morning, my daughter asked me to buy her a movie for the twenty second time. I've told her no 21 times prior to today. She refuses to accept a no response. Today, she replied, "I'm tired of hearing a no, give me a different answer that's not no or maybe". I never said maybe before so I immediately questioned the problem with a maybe.

In her eight year old wisdom, she asserts "Maybes are for babies".

She is absolutely right. I love it.

If someone asks you a question that requires a yes or no, don't be baby. Be honest enough with yourself and the other person to give a "yes" or "no" answer.

Remember, a "no" answer is a salesperson's second favourite word.

Born to sell

I heard a statement recently, "She could sell ice to an Eskimo". I got the connection. The usage of the cliche states that this person knows what she's doing when it comes to sales. The connotation of selling a product to someone without a true need is the epitome of being a good salesperson. That's what was suggested.

Yesterday a friend and I reminisced about our sales experience as Boy Scouts. As a representative of a visible minority when I wore my uniform, I would knock on doors and beg for money in exchange for product or service. Soapy sponges, ball point pens, chocolate bars, apples was the easy sell. The hard sell was gathering cash in return for a promise to plant trees. At least I thought it was the hard sell. Everybody always gave something, even the stingy, greedy guy. I hated going to his house. He would play with my confidence and try to get a bargain. Worse part was I knew he wasn't the playful type. He really wanted a deal.

Already questioning motive, this type of selling did not appeal to me. Hence sales has always been a prickly thorn that I would keep my side away from.

Here's what I know about sales. We all do it. We've always done it. My kids beg for the latest greatest toy. If I say no, they persist with the whiney "Pleeeeeaaaasssse". If that doesn't work, the sales tactics escalate to tantrums, silent treatment or they ask the real decision maker, their mother.

We sell to our spouses reasons why a certain car or house should be purchased. We sell ourselves to our employer. We are all in the business of sales.

It's how good we are at it that determines our results.

Good does not mean selling something that no one needs. Good at selling means identifying what your prospects need and showing them how they can achieve their needs/wants with your product.

A good salesman would never sell ice to someone that doesn't need it. A good salesman will identify the prospect's pain by asking a series of questions. A good salesman may tell the lead that they don't need ice. It's not about making a sale. It's about helping others get what they want.


PS. My apologies to anyone I have offended by using the word Eskimo. I realize this is not the politically correct term but I didn't say these words. I am merely quoting the cliche that I heard.

You wanna achieve something spectacular

Do you actively write down your goals? If you don't, that has to be the first step for growth. There is something powerful about writing them down. It's a secret passage way to your superconscious.

If you do write down your goals, how often do you review them? That's the second step. The amount you review them and the way they are written will affect your response and your ability to recognize the opportunities as they present themselves.

In Brian Tracy's book, "Goals", he instructs us to write down goals in the present, in the first person in a positive frame of mind.

For example: If you have a goal to lose 20 lbs and you currently weigh 170 lbs. The right way to express the goal is:

"I weigh a healthy 150 lbs."

If you want to double your income and you currently make $40,000/year.

"I earn $80,000 per year."

The key to attainment of goals is to write them down everyday, without reviewing the previous day's goals. Only the true goals that are important to you will rise to the top. Brian Tracy suggests writing 10 annual goals as soon as you get up, using the positive, present, personal method. Then review them every night before you go to bed.

Organically, these goals get cemented into the superconscious and they magically get attracted to you.

From experience, I know that any habit will be formed after 30 days of continuous action. I can do this for 30 days. After that, doing it for the rest of the year will be a breeze. I suggest you try it as well. What's the worst that could happen? We waste 5 minutes a day for a year. That's only 30 hours over the entire year. Some of us waste that in a week watching TV.

Without looking back, I started writing my annual goals every morning three days ago. It's interesting that some goals just three days ago did not make my list today. Out of the 10 goals, 6 of them appear everyday. The statements are getting more concise and clearer every day.

I challenge you to write 10 goals every morning in the present, personal, positive frame of mind. Do it for a month without looking back.

Don't forget the other two rules of goal setting.

1. They have to be realistic.
2. They have to be measurable.

I would say "Good Luck", but in this case you don't need luck. You need action. Are you up for a challenge?

How we started our family - Part IV

We hadn't yet felt the warm summer wind in Atlanta when we were served another surprise. The airline lost one of our bags. The bag had Aline's favourite dress. The dress she planned to wear the first time we picked up the baby was now missing.

We had a tight schedule so instead of waiting for the airline to figure their shit out, we left our coordinates in hopes to see the bag in the coming days. We didn't realize that we would never see the contents of that bag again.

Off to Chattanooga we went. Three hours in a blue Chevy Impala. I already felt like a dad. Only dad's drive Impalas, right?

Once in Chattanooga, instead of rushing to the hospital, we went out to eat. Outback Steakhouse is one of my favourite restaurants and we found one near our hotel. We took one last meal as a family of two. Admittedly, we didn't dilly dally. We were too damned excited.

We trekked to Erlanger Medical Center where we were to meet our baby for the very first time. The nurses were awesome. They brought us into an examination room and told us to wait. They would bring the baby to us. What seemed like an hour, was really only a few minutes. In those minutes, we talked quickly about the things we had been through. We talked about our dream coming true. It was hard to believe we had finally achieved our goal. It was like we had just won a championship. A championship that no one was competing with us, but we were competing with and against ourselves.

Three nurses walked in carrying a little girl. She was so small. We both started to cry. I was standing behind Aline. With tears rolling down my face, I whispered into her ear, "Remember what we said, it's not if we'll have a baby, it's when. Today is the when. Today is the when." I repeated "Today is the when" about five times just to remind myself that this was not a dream.

The love a parent has for a child is immediate. Whether the child is a biological birth or not, I can assure you the moment I saw this little baby, I fell in love with her. The nurses wheeled Aline out in a wheelchair, just like they would do with any new mommy. It was a nice touch!

We were informed that evening that the birth mother wanted to meet us before signing the legal guardianship with the judge. We agreed to meet at an Applebee's two days later. Worried was now the emotion. This was the interview. If we failed, she could take her baby back. We had talked to her on the phone but this time it was in person.

When the time came to meet there was nothing we could do but put on our best interview face. She had to like us. What we didn't realize at the time was that she already liked us. She chose us. The baby almost slept the whole time at dinner. We had put her car seat next to her birth mom. We sat on the opposite side of the table. As she started to wake up, she heard the sound of her birth mother's voice. She hadn't heard this familiar voice for two days. Softly, the birth mother whispered, "Hello Mama". Immediately, the baby opened her eyes and looked directly into the eyes of the person who had cared for her, nurtured her, and created her.

Aline and I both saw it. This untouchable, unexplainable, desirable look of pure love. We could see the eternal bond between mother and child. We were going to break that. Aline ran to the bathroom. I sat there, with tears rolling down my cheeks again. We both got hold of our emotions as the birth mother was laughing at us. She was awesome. She cared so much about her baby, that she gave her away in order to give her a better life. I will always be grateful to this woman.

Wanna talk laws of attraction? The birth mother told us that when she chose us she only knew our first names. Once full disclosure was given, she found out that our last name was the same as her mother's. Our baby would have the same last name as her biological grandmother.

The next day was easy peasy. As most times with worry, we did it for nothing. The birth mother did not change her mind. The judge's son played professional football in Ottawa. The lawyers were sympathetic. Every body did as they were supposed to. We now had legal guardianship of our little girl. The adoption process would take another 6 months, but we could do that back home.