I grew up not hearing or not listening to compliments. Not sure which is truth. My brain falsely remembers many things, so it may be lying to me again.
I don't take compliments easily. It's embarrassing to hear positive remarks. I don't know what to say, how to act or what to do. It's uncomfortable. I want to pull away, covering my ears while screaming at the top of my lungs.
I know that's weird.
I'm not a compliment giver either. I fail to recognize or get rapped up into other thoughts. It slips my mind as it never becomes a priority.
I am married to a wonderful woman who happens to be beautiful. For 17 years, as life and family and business happened, without realizing it, I took more from the relationship than I gave. I stopped giving her a good morning kiss. I stopped telling her I loved her. I stopped telling her how beautiful she was.
It wasn't on purpose. It wasn't because we were fighting. It was a gradual decline with the snuffing a single spark, one at a time. Fireworks is nothing more than a series of sparks. Our light was slowing decaying into an unmagical series of sparks without definition.
Love dresses in different colours. In the beginning, it dresses in bright neon colours eliciting excitement and adoration. As time goes on, it changes to the reds and blues of friendship. Then it morphs into the earth tones of mutual respect and admiration. The most fun time in a relationship is the early stage. The sparks are bright, noticeable and exciting. It's the spark of excitement that burns out over time into the boring earth tones if we're not careful.
A few months ago, I started a morning ritual that changed my life. It's so simple, you may not believe me.
The single use of a compliment.
Each morning when my wife wakes up, I meet her on the way to the coffee pot. I embrace her with both arms wrapped around her back. I look into her soul and say, "You are beautiful and I love you."
I do it because I believe it. I do it because I want her to know it. One morning I left before she awoke, so I texted her my compliment, knowing full well she checks her messages before making her morning coffee. Before I thought of the texting, I sometimes missed a day. Just like any habit, if you miss a day, the best way to compensate is to do it twice the next day.
It's a joke to both of us when I do it twice. But she sees how important it is for me to compliment her. It relights one of the sparks. She is humbled by it. She doesn't know what to say. She smiles, hugs me and caresses my back in the process.
The power of a compliment has helped us find a new Spring in the seasons of our relationship.
We have found the neon colours in our love.
Have you ever made a commitment to give away a compliment a day? The cost of one is nothing. The value is infinite. It may come easy to some of you. It does not for me.
My life is better because of it.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Friday, August 14, 2015
A rant on taxation
What's wrong with taxation? Taxes are levied on a population to help pay for social services like education and healthcare, and infrastructure like roads and bridges.
Taxes keep the population believing they are wealthier because they can afford them.
Most taxes aren't real. They are an illusion. The majority of our taxes are paid before we even get our paycheque. More than one quarter of our take-home pay is removed by our employers through payroll deductions. The other quarter is paid when we buy small things or when we show wealth through ownership of cars and houses.
Half of our taxes are never seen. You don't make $20 per hour. You only make $15 because that's what you take home. Which means not only does your employer make money off your labour, so does the government.
It's the cost of doing business and we accept it.
Let's shift the gear on taxation to property. In feudal times, the king would tax the population in return for use of his land. However in using the land as a resource, the population would cultivate it to create goods and services to make even more money for themselves.
In fact, the king was an employer taking his share of the labour's foil. He offered protection from enemies. He was the landlord looking for his rent. The king did not sell his land. He rented it.
Governments sold the land. But when the money was spent foolishly, they had to come with a new source of revenue so they used the idea of property tax from feudal times. They are not the new kings. They do not own the land. They have no right to tax the land. The land was sold. It is not rented.
The more land you own, the more taxes you are obligated to pay. The value of the land is determined by the value of buildings on that land as well as the value others would pay for that same land.
Government didn't build the buildings, nor do they want the property. They want taxes: to pay for services, employment and jobs.
I am left thinking if the air we breathe could be taxed, the government would surely be licking their chops. Air, not land, is a true measure of value. For without it, we do not survive.
Alas, governments do tax air. A home taking up more square footage will be deemed to have more value than a smaller one. A skyscraper 100 stories tall will be taxed more than a bungalow on an equal piece of property. Value is derived by the space occupied.
Occupied space is nothing more than air. And it gets taxed lucratively.
Half the time air isn't seen, just like our taxes.
Taxes keep the population believing they are wealthier because they can afford them.
Most taxes aren't real. They are an illusion. The majority of our taxes are paid before we even get our paycheque. More than one quarter of our take-home pay is removed by our employers through payroll deductions. The other quarter is paid when we buy small things or when we show wealth through ownership of cars and houses.
Half of our taxes are never seen. You don't make $20 per hour. You only make $15 because that's what you take home. Which means not only does your employer make money off your labour, so does the government.
It's the cost of doing business and we accept it.
Let's shift the gear on taxation to property. In feudal times, the king would tax the population in return for use of his land. However in using the land as a resource, the population would cultivate it to create goods and services to make even more money for themselves.
In fact, the king was an employer taking his share of the labour's foil. He offered protection from enemies. He was the landlord looking for his rent. The king did not sell his land. He rented it.
Governments sold the land. But when the money was spent foolishly, they had to come with a new source of revenue so they used the idea of property tax from feudal times. They are not the new kings. They do not own the land. They have no right to tax the land. The land was sold. It is not rented.
The more land you own, the more taxes you are obligated to pay. The value of the land is determined by the value of buildings on that land as well as the value others would pay for that same land.
Government didn't build the buildings, nor do they want the property. They want taxes: to pay for services, employment and jobs.
I am left thinking if the air we breathe could be taxed, the government would surely be licking their chops. Air, not land, is a true measure of value. For without it, we do not survive.
Alas, governments do tax air. A home taking up more square footage will be deemed to have more value than a smaller one. A skyscraper 100 stories tall will be taxed more than a bungalow on an equal piece of property. Value is derived by the space occupied.
Occupied space is nothing more than air. And it gets taxed lucratively.
Half the time air isn't seen, just like our taxes.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
You make money on the buy
I was sitting with a retired car dealership owner. "You make money on the buy", rolled off his tongue like a soccer ball on ski hill.
"Buy low, sell high" was my financial advisor's advice. Buying low scratches the back of a buyers mind like a cat scratches a carpet pole. A low price means something is wrong, or worse, that no one wants it.
Imagine going to a furniture store and picking out a dining room table. Eight chairs, two of which are captains, eight foot long table, all solid wood. Retail price tag is $4000.
The word "retail" means you just bought high. And lost on the buy as you will never resell that table for the price you paid for it.
My wife is an excellent deal hunter. She hinted at a new dining room table five months ago. Not wanting to spend money needlessly, I asked her if she could fulfill her desire on the used market. Off she went on her search to find her treasure online. I forgot about our deal until she arrived with 6 chairs in the back of the van. The set was beautiful. Slightly used, but retail the set sold for $4000 five years earlier. The family was relocating back and didn't want to be bothered by movers. Used price tag was $450.
She may not have made money on the buy, but she won't lose either.
When she wants to sell this table, we will get our money back.
Emotion gets involved in most purchase decisions. Emotion lures us to buy based on desire. Desire gets us into trouble as we rationalize our purchases after the transaction is completed.
I spent 5 weeks working for a used furniture store owner. He gave me the same advice. If you make money when you buy something, the selling takes care of itself.
From a business perspective, I bought a restaurant and sold it seven years later for less than I paid for it.
On day one, it had no customers.
It didn't have trained employees.
It had no extra cash in the bank.
Customers and trained employees are called goodwill. And as a new business goes, goodwill is negative.
After seven years of ownership, I sold the business for $200,000 less than I paid for it. I didn't make money on the buy. I paid retail price for that business.
In other words, I bought high.
If you want to make money on the buy when buying a business, be patient for the deals. They are out there. If you can buy the business for less than the depreciated assets, you might be getting a good deal.
When buying a car, the purchaser looks up the Blue Book value, reviews comparable cars, gets a mechanic to look at it and then makes a purchase decision. We understand how to buy a car.
Buying a business is done the same way. Look at the value of the depreciated assets. Get an appraiser to verify the value of the assets. Look for comparable businesses that may have been sold or on the market. Talk to an accountant or business consultant about the metrics of the business and then make a purchase decision.
For the past two years, I've been knocking on doors, asking owners if their business is for sale. The owner who wasn't thinking about selling will get seller fever. They place a value so high on the business that it doesn't make financial sense to buy.
Some businesses get sold for significantly less than the assets are worth because the owner needs to protect other business interests.
The best deals on houses are the ones that have to sell fast because of divorce, death or relocation.
The businesses that have to sell fast are also the biggest opportunity.
If I was leaping from employee to entrepreneur, I would search out these fast deals, make ridiculous low offers. Low risk, low upfront capital investment, huge upside when I make the business profitable.
Making money on the buy is hard to do because it requires either a motivated seller or an aggressive buyer.
The unmotivated seller will catch seller fever and never reduce the selling price for an aggressive buyer to make money on the buy. If you determine the seller is not motivated, you must move on. Continuing down that path will be exhaustive and a complete waste of time.
I've ridden that path for the last two years in agony. Move on...
"Buy low, sell high" was my financial advisor's advice. Buying low scratches the back of a buyers mind like a cat scratches a carpet pole. A low price means something is wrong, or worse, that no one wants it.
Imagine going to a furniture store and picking out a dining room table. Eight chairs, two of which are captains, eight foot long table, all solid wood. Retail price tag is $4000.
The word "retail" means you just bought high. And lost on the buy as you will never resell that table for the price you paid for it.
My wife is an excellent deal hunter. She hinted at a new dining room table five months ago. Not wanting to spend money needlessly, I asked her if she could fulfill her desire on the used market. Off she went on her search to find her treasure online. I forgot about our deal until she arrived with 6 chairs in the back of the van. The set was beautiful. Slightly used, but retail the set sold for $4000 five years earlier. The family was relocating back and didn't want to be bothered by movers. Used price tag was $450.
She may not have made money on the buy, but she won't lose either.
When she wants to sell this table, we will get our money back.
Emotion gets involved in most purchase decisions. Emotion lures us to buy based on desire. Desire gets us into trouble as we rationalize our purchases after the transaction is completed.
I spent 5 weeks working for a used furniture store owner. He gave me the same advice. If you make money when you buy something, the selling takes care of itself.
From a business perspective, I bought a restaurant and sold it seven years later for less than I paid for it.
On day one, it had no customers.
It didn't have trained employees.
It had no extra cash in the bank.
Customers and trained employees are called goodwill. And as a new business goes, goodwill is negative.
After seven years of ownership, I sold the business for $200,000 less than I paid for it. I didn't make money on the buy. I paid retail price for that business.
In other words, I bought high.
If you want to make money on the buy when buying a business, be patient for the deals. They are out there. If you can buy the business for less than the depreciated assets, you might be getting a good deal.
When buying a car, the purchaser looks up the Blue Book value, reviews comparable cars, gets a mechanic to look at it and then makes a purchase decision. We understand how to buy a car.
Buying a business is done the same way. Look at the value of the depreciated assets. Get an appraiser to verify the value of the assets. Look for comparable businesses that may have been sold or on the market. Talk to an accountant or business consultant about the metrics of the business and then make a purchase decision.
For the past two years, I've been knocking on doors, asking owners if their business is for sale. The owner who wasn't thinking about selling will get seller fever. They place a value so high on the business that it doesn't make financial sense to buy.
Some businesses get sold for significantly less than the assets are worth because the owner needs to protect other business interests.
The best deals on houses are the ones that have to sell fast because of divorce, death or relocation.
The businesses that have to sell fast are also the biggest opportunity.
If I was leaping from employee to entrepreneur, I would search out these fast deals, make ridiculous low offers. Low risk, low upfront capital investment, huge upside when I make the business profitable.
Making money on the buy is hard to do because it requires either a motivated seller or an aggressive buyer.
The unmotivated seller will catch seller fever and never reduce the selling price for an aggressive buyer to make money on the buy. If you determine the seller is not motivated, you must move on. Continuing down that path will be exhaustive and a complete waste of time.
I've ridden that path for the last two years in agony. Move on...
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Winning and losing based on the decision to act
Working on a major project, I asked the applicants to perform a simple task.
It was a dream building exercise.
I wanted to learn more about the applicants' thought processes.
The task had a deadline of midnight on the fifth day.
A response on 00:01 would not be considered for the free program I was offering.
Almost half of the applicants didn't respond.
One quarter responded in the last three hours, displaying possible signs of procrastination.
One quarter responded in the first three hours showing initiative or lack of anything else to do.
I learned something from this exercise.
The desire to get results is negated by the inability to act.
It doesn't matter how much you want something, if you are unwilling to do the work, you will never get it.
Goals + Action = Realized Dreams
If you negate the action, you negate the dream.
Goals + Inaction = Unrealized Dreams
My parents taught me to always be willing to do the work. I can hear my dad still preaching, "I didn't raise any lazy kids in this family"...
What are you putting off tomorrow?
What are you waiting for?
More importantly what are you trying to achieve?
It doesn't matter how much money you have, the ability to envision your life five years out is possible. Have you thought about what your life will look like in five years from now?
So here's my challenge to you. Message me privately if you'd like.
"Although perfection is impossible, let's now imagine your life will be perfect in five years.
Are you willing to complete the challenge or are you going to do nothing? Your choice. You win and lose by your decisions to act.
Goals + Action = Realized Dreams
Goals + Inaction = Unrealized Dreams
To finish off my story from above, by not responding half the candidates self selected themselves out of a free program, paid for by a couple of sponsors. The program might be the launchpad the entrepreneur needed to propel their business toward their dreams.
But we'll never know because of their choice to not act.
It was a dream building exercise.
I wanted to learn more about the applicants' thought processes.
The task had a deadline of midnight on the fifth day.
A response on 00:01 would not be considered for the free program I was offering.
Almost half of the applicants didn't respond.
One quarter responded in the last three hours, displaying possible signs of procrastination.
One quarter responded in the first three hours showing initiative or lack of anything else to do.
I learned something from this exercise.
The desire to get results is negated by the inability to act.
It doesn't matter how much you want something, if you are unwilling to do the work, you will never get it.
Goals + Action = Realized Dreams
If you negate the action, you negate the dream.
Goals + Inaction = Unrealized Dreams
My parents taught me to always be willing to do the work. I can hear my dad still preaching, "I didn't raise any lazy kids in this family"...
What are you putting off tomorrow?
What are you waiting for?
More importantly what are you trying to achieve?
It doesn't matter how much money you have, the ability to envision your life five years out is possible. Have you thought about what your life will look like in five years from now?
So here's my challenge to you. Message me privately if you'd like.
"Although perfection is impossible, let's now imagine your life will be perfect in five years.
Describe your life when it will be perfect. What needs to be implemented into your life for this "dream" to be realized? How do you have to change personally to achieve perfection?"
Please don't cop out and say that your life is already perfect or it will be perfect when you win the lottery. I'm looking for honesty.
Goals + Action = Realized Dreams
Goals + Inaction = Unrealized Dreams
To finish off my story from above, by not responding half the candidates self selected themselves out of a free program, paid for by a couple of sponsors. The program might be the launchpad the entrepreneur needed to propel their business toward their dreams.
But we'll never know because of their choice to not act.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
The dating scene of business
Do you remember the dating scene?
When we were preparing for the date, we'd all cleaned up. Shower, shave, cleaning up our uglies. We put our best foot forward to impress the other person. Forget about intentions. Forget about where that date could lead. Forget about maybe meeting your future wife or husband. At that moment all we were trying to do was meeting someone new.
People don't get married based on a first date.
Transactions with a customer is exactly like a first date.
The customer is trying you out.
A test drive...
The customer is trying to decide if you're worth a second date.
The customer has not decided if this relationship is worthy of her loyalty.
She is not committed to the business yet.
She's still dating other businesses.
When a customer has decided that you are worthy of her ultimate interest in your business category, the relationship becomes bonded.
Customer loyalty is like a marriage. The customer is the wife. The business is the husband. The customer will allow for mistakes. She will forgive you for minor mishaps. She may even forgive your major mishaps depending on how committed she is to the relationship. However the minute the customer feels that her commitment to the relationship is greater than the commitment the business has to the relationship the dreaded thought of divorce enters her thought process.
Losing a dating customer is unfortunate.
We expect it.
Losing a married customer is devastating.
She takes her stuff along with some of ours too.
80% of revenues come from 20% of customers.
That's Pareto's law.
The customers who drive that much volume are married to the business.
The goal in business is to create and keep a customer. The best customers are the ones in the 20% category. As a business owner, you want to be as big of a polygamist as possible. Convince the best ones to marry you. And marry as many of them as you can.
Marrying the brand is what marketers call brand loyalty.
For the relationship to remain strong there needs to be a give and take mentality. However, just like real life, its the husband that doesn't listen enough. Forgiveness comes at a price. That price is based on the promise to change.
No change = Empty promises
Empty promises = Distrust
Distrust = Divorce
When the customer divorces the brand she takes only two things she owns in the relationship, her wallet and her influence.
And the business suffers from the divorce until it converts a new dating prospect into its next wife continuing the vicious cycle until real change is achieved.
With a background in finance and marketing, Rick Nicholson owned two highly successful restaurants before selling them to start a consulting business. His current company The Restaurant Ninjas provides tools to the foodservice industry to become more profitable. His book, "The Art of Restaurant Theft" can be downloaded for free at www.therestaurantninjas.com
You can subscribe to Rick's weekly email newsletter and his thoughts on business, life and everything in between at:
When we were preparing for the date, we'd all cleaned up. Shower, shave, cleaning up our uglies. We put our best foot forward to impress the other person. Forget about intentions. Forget about where that date could lead. Forget about maybe meeting your future wife or husband. At that moment all we were trying to do was meeting someone new.
People don't get married based on a first date.
Transactions with a customer is exactly like a first date.
The customer is trying you out.
A test drive...
The customer is trying to decide if you're worth a second date.
The customer has not decided if this relationship is worthy of her loyalty.
She is not committed to the business yet.
She's still dating other businesses.
When a customer has decided that you are worthy of her ultimate interest in your business category, the relationship becomes bonded.
Customer loyalty is like a marriage. The customer is the wife. The business is the husband. The customer will allow for mistakes. She will forgive you for minor mishaps. She may even forgive your major mishaps depending on how committed she is to the relationship. However the minute the customer feels that her commitment to the relationship is greater than the commitment the business has to the relationship the dreaded thought of divorce enters her thought process.
Losing a dating customer is unfortunate.
We expect it.
Losing a married customer is devastating.
She takes her stuff along with some of ours too.
80% of revenues come from 20% of customers.
That's Pareto's law.
The customers who drive that much volume are married to the business.
The goal in business is to create and keep a customer. The best customers are the ones in the 20% category. As a business owner, you want to be as big of a polygamist as possible. Convince the best ones to marry you. And marry as many of them as you can.
Marrying the brand is what marketers call brand loyalty.
For the relationship to remain strong there needs to be a give and take mentality. However, just like real life, its the husband that doesn't listen enough. Forgiveness comes at a price. That price is based on the promise to change.
No change = Empty promises
Empty promises = Distrust
Distrust = Divorce
When the customer divorces the brand she takes only two things she owns in the relationship, her wallet and her influence.
And the business suffers from the divorce until it converts a new dating prospect into its next wife continuing the vicious cycle until real change is achieved.
With a background in finance and marketing, Rick Nicholson owned two highly successful restaurants before selling them to start a consulting business. His current company The Restaurant Ninjas provides tools to the foodservice industry to become more profitable. His book, "The Art of Restaurant Theft" can be downloaded for free at www.therestaurantninjas.com
You can subscribe to Rick's weekly email newsletter and his thoughts on business, life and everything in between at:
Friday, August 7, 2015
It was 1995 all over again
Power and the money, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
I stepped into a worm hole, as the trekkies would say.
Imagine going back in time to 1995. Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" was blaring on the radio. The show about nothing ruled the small screen. Computer animated toys dominated the big one.
Toy Story is based on toy's having feelings. What if a restaurant had feelings? More importantly what would a restaurant say if it could talk?
I went to KFC this weekend. The tiled floors, wall paper, seats and countertops hadn't been renovated since 1995. On one wall, the owner proudly displayed pictures of the business after each renovation. The first picture was the original building in 1965. The second was the restaurant in 1985. I was standing in a restaurant last renovated in 1995.
Most franchised restaurants require its franchisees to renovate the space every 10 years as part of the franchise agreement. Having owned and worked in a franchise environment, there are times when it seemed the 10 year "refresh" was a waste of money. Seeing this restaurant was a reminder why that refresh is so important. Nostalgia can be a great thing when we're reminiscing, or looking at old pictures or movies. Nostalgia can also be a wonderful marketing tool for the business trying to promote an earlier, simpler time. 60's Diners, drive-in theatres come to mind.
This restaurant wasn't nostalgic. I couldn't see the cleanliness past its old and tired legs. It was like an old grandma. Although sweet, and cheerful, the sex appeal had withered away with age.
Cursed by knowledge, I look at the lack of a renovation as a reason for the owner to make more money. Not investing in a renovation that I know exists screams out the owner doesn't care about his customers. His passion is gone. His pursuit of growth is fanned out. His success is shrinking. He may own the building without debt. He might not go to the restaurant everyday anymore.
He's apathetic. More importantly complacent. His customers are rewarding him and the franchisor for their lack of motivation. The value of the business is sliding.
Sliding only happens one way. 1995 was a good year. It belongs in our memories, not in the present KFC...
Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking
What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin'
They say I gotta learn, but nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can't, I guess they won't
I guess they front, that's why I know my life is out of luck, fool
Lyrics are from Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise". The fight for survival, learning, and change is eerily similar to what a restaurant goes through in the battlefield of consumer demand. 20 years later, this restaurant is talking to us through a song from the same year of its last rebirth.
Minute after minute, hour after hour
I stepped into a worm hole, as the trekkies would say.
Imagine going back in time to 1995. Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" was blaring on the radio. The show about nothing ruled the small screen. Computer animated toys dominated the big one.
Toy Story is based on toy's having feelings. What if a restaurant had feelings? More importantly what would a restaurant say if it could talk?
I went to KFC this weekend. The tiled floors, wall paper, seats and countertops hadn't been renovated since 1995. On one wall, the owner proudly displayed pictures of the business after each renovation. The first picture was the original building in 1965. The second was the restaurant in 1985. I was standing in a restaurant last renovated in 1995.
Most franchised restaurants require its franchisees to renovate the space every 10 years as part of the franchise agreement. Having owned and worked in a franchise environment, there are times when it seemed the 10 year "refresh" was a waste of money. Seeing this restaurant was a reminder why that refresh is so important. Nostalgia can be a great thing when we're reminiscing, or looking at old pictures or movies. Nostalgia can also be a wonderful marketing tool for the business trying to promote an earlier, simpler time. 60's Diners, drive-in theatres come to mind.
This restaurant wasn't nostalgic. I couldn't see the cleanliness past its old and tired legs. It was like an old grandma. Although sweet, and cheerful, the sex appeal had withered away with age.
Cursed by knowledge, I look at the lack of a renovation as a reason for the owner to make more money. Not investing in a renovation that I know exists screams out the owner doesn't care about his customers. His passion is gone. His pursuit of growth is fanned out. His success is shrinking. He may own the building without debt. He might not go to the restaurant everyday anymore.
He's apathetic. More importantly complacent. His customers are rewarding him and the franchisor for their lack of motivation. The value of the business is sliding.
Sliding only happens one way. 1995 was a good year. It belongs in our memories, not in the present KFC...
Everybody's running, but half of them ain't looking
What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin'
They say I gotta learn, but nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can't, I guess they won't
I guess they front, that's why I know my life is out of luck, fool
Lyrics are from Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise". The fight for survival, learning, and change is eerily similar to what a restaurant goes through in the battlefield of consumer demand. 20 years later, this restaurant is talking to us through a song from the same year of its last rebirth.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Reactivity versus Proactivity
Ball one. Inside.
Ball two. Too deep
Ball three.
Thwack! The ball zoomed by my head. This wasn't the first time this guy had done it this evening The hardest hitter in the city and he fired a loaded gun at my head as he hit the softball with the force of a dragon that lost her baby to a softball pitcher.
Why is it called a softball?
There's nothing soft about it when it hits me.
What did I ever do to him?
I thought we were friends.
He's a competitor playing a sport that I treat like a game.
I had a choice. The first words out of my mouth were emotional. The prefrontal cortex wanted to fight. It was my first reaction...instinct. I was being reactive when forced into a dangerous situation.
After I calmed down and realized what had happened, the problem worked its way to the neo cortex of the brain. This area is responsible for problem solving. With that I looked for the solution to stop the monster from pointing his gun at me anymore.
Dr. Stephen Covey refers to this second level as proactive.
In the reactive state, things happen to us. People make us feel bad. We are not responsible. It's someone else's fault. Our choice is simple: Fight or flee.
The proactive state, we have a choices. We find a solution without getting emotional. Things just happen. They don't happen to us. We are responsible for the choices we make. We can adjust our thoughts or actions to remedy the problem.
When the ball zoomed by my head, I stared my friend down. This was the third time he had done it that night.
"What the hell?", I screamed.
"I don't want to walk", he responded nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal.
"I like you but you're being an idiot".
As the problem left the prefrontal cortex and entered the proactive area of my neo cortex, the solution became quite simple.
My choice: continue to let him fire away at me with reckless abandon or walk him on purpose. Give him the thing he doesn't want the most.
For the rest of the evening, the monster was given a free pass. He was no longer given the right to hit the ball. The game isn't about winning or losing. I play the game to have fun. There's nothing fun about going to Emergency for a softball contusion. Because of his actions, he took away my fun.
He never demonstrated he was going to change, so I took away his. And in the process, I got mine back. Walking him four times almost guaranteed the loss.
Losing was a lot of fun when we lose this way.
Next game we play, I am going to ask him if he's going to play nice. If not, he can walk all night again. His choice will dictate my next move.
It's wonderful having choices while taking responsibility for my actions. The weight of another person's actions can weigh heavy causing frustration, distrust and anger.
Ball two. Too deep
Ball three.
Thwack! The ball zoomed by my head. This wasn't the first time this guy had done it this evening The hardest hitter in the city and he fired a loaded gun at my head as he hit the softball with the force of a dragon that lost her baby to a softball pitcher.
Why is it called a softball?
There's nothing soft about it when it hits me.
What did I ever do to him?
I thought we were friends.
He's a competitor playing a sport that I treat like a game.
I had a choice. The first words out of my mouth were emotional. The prefrontal cortex wanted to fight. It was my first reaction...instinct. I was being reactive when forced into a dangerous situation.
After I calmed down and realized what had happened, the problem worked its way to the neo cortex of the brain. This area is responsible for problem solving. With that I looked for the solution to stop the monster from pointing his gun at me anymore.
Dr. Stephen Covey refers to this second level as proactive.
In the reactive state, things happen to us. People make us feel bad. We are not responsible. It's someone else's fault. Our choice is simple: Fight or flee.
The proactive state, we have a choices. We find a solution without getting emotional. Things just happen. They don't happen to us. We are responsible for the choices we make. We can adjust our thoughts or actions to remedy the problem.
When the ball zoomed by my head, I stared my friend down. This was the third time he had done it that night.
"What the hell?", I screamed.
"I don't want to walk", he responded nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal.
"I like you but you're being an idiot".
As the problem left the prefrontal cortex and entered the proactive area of my neo cortex, the solution became quite simple.
My choice: continue to let him fire away at me with reckless abandon or walk him on purpose. Give him the thing he doesn't want the most.
For the rest of the evening, the monster was given a free pass. He was no longer given the right to hit the ball. The game isn't about winning or losing. I play the game to have fun. There's nothing fun about going to Emergency for a softball contusion. Because of his actions, he took away my fun.
He never demonstrated he was going to change, so I took away his. And in the process, I got mine back. Walking him four times almost guaranteed the loss.
Losing was a lot of fun when we lose this way.
Next game we play, I am going to ask him if he's going to play nice. If not, he can walk all night again. His choice will dictate my next move.
It's wonderful having choices while taking responsibility for my actions. The weight of another person's actions can weigh heavy causing frustration, distrust and anger.
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