Don't be an asshole. You will run out of toilet paper.

Hey Brian, I need to ask you a question.

What's up?

Is it true your moving your business off Main Street into the suburbs?

Yes. 

You're moving your sandwich business away from foot traffic? I don't get it. I thought that location was perfect for your product.

So did I. But after 5 years, it's my worst performing location.

I'm looking at expanding my business and as you know, good locations are hard to come by. If you're moving, I think I should talk to the landlord and build at that site.

Here's what I'll tell you. If you build out at that location, you will lose your shirt. We lost money every year there. I like you and I'd hate for you to make a big mistake. Don't do it. It's the wrong site. It looks good, but the type of foot traffic didn't deliver on sales expectations.

So the site didn't just underperform. It lost money?

Yup. Let me tell you something. If I didn't like you, I'd encourage you to go there. We could afford to mature the site with our other five locations. After 5 years of waiting for the business to grow, the only thing that grew was our frustration. 

Thanks Brian, I appreciate the honesty. I'll stay away.

Good call. Thanks for reaching out.

********Fast forward about a year**********

Steve, what's going on Main Street where Brian's sandwich shop used to be.

A speciality food market. An area developer is franchising the concept throughout the region.

Who's the area developer?

He used to develop ice cream franchises.

I know him. We've done business together. He's not a win-win type of guy.

Oh. So you don't want a franchise?

No thanks. 

That location is going to be great for a specialty market.

Maybe. Time will tell.

Do you know why Brian moved out?

No. 

I heard he wanted a bigger location.

That sounds like Brian. 

You sure you don't want one of these franchises. It's the next big thing.

It probably will be, but it'll just be one more thing I missed out. Thanks but no thanks.

Alright. If you know of anyone with money, please forward them my way.

These two conversations happened about a year apart. It's as much an observation of karma as it is glimpse into my own philosophy. I wish no one ill will. However, I wasn't willing to share information to help someone who tried to hurt me in the past. Call me an asshole, but I don't think the developer would have believed me anyway. I wonder if the developer called Brian. If so, did Brian tell him what he told me or does Brian feel the same way about him as I do? Time will tell if Brian was right or wrong. 

My ears were being raped.

I was sitting in a restaurant enjoying a favourite meal, when something stabbed me in the back of the head. Why do people check bathrooms to confirm the cleanliness of kitchens in restaurants?

Although there is truth in the thought, it can be misleading. 

The meal was great, but there was something "off" at this restaurant. Admittedly, I'm a restaurant junkie. I overanalyze them. I am them.

The "off" was the music. There's only two things worse than no music in a restaurant. Playing a commercial filled radio station with jock-talk every twenty minutes is second worse to what this restaurant did. And yes, it's worse than playing the radio.

Then I started to think about the bathroom thing. 

Servers clean bathrooms. Cooks clean kitchens. So why does a dirty bathroom give credence to a dirty kitchen?

What does one have to do with the other?

There are several ways to figure out if a kitchen is clean.

Here are some of my favourites:

1. Light bulbs are burnt out.

2. Gum under the tables.

3. Spiderwebs coming down from shelves.

4. Accumulated dirt in the corners before the rush of the day starts.

5. Walls needing paint.

6. Menus falling apart and needing to be replaced.

7. Music is inappropriate for the environment.

And see, none of these indications requires the customer to go 10 feet past the front door. They all deal with the same issue.

Management. The manager is responsible for all things, including systems to guarantee none of these happen. If the manager cannot implement and inspect these little things daily, then he/she is not inspecting the cleanliness of the cooks and kitchen. This I will guarantee.

For today, the restaurant felt that heavy metal was a good musical choice for its average customer. Although I like heavy metal, it isn't the type of music I want during lunch break. 

There was also a wall needing paint, a server needing a clean uniform, a light bulb needing replaced, dirt in a corner that hasn't been swept in a few days and menus were frayed. Management is turning its eye and despite an open kitchen, I could see some real problems with cleanliness on the kitchen side. 

I might have missed the other things if the music hadn't caught my attention. 

My ears were being raped.

I've heard business owners say the best marketing is the operations. Roy Williams says that marketing speeds up the inevitable.

From an irregular customer's perspective, I believe the choice for a repeat visit starts with the last visit.

Marketing internally to the customer requires the business to use as many of the five senses as possible. 

This stuff isn't just for restaurants. 

Are you ignoring taste and smell?

Are you raping ears?

Are you not allowing them to touch the product before buying?

Are you not merchandising your product inside the four walls?

A retailer shouldn't smell like tires, when they advertise they are most than just tires.

A plumber shouldn't smell like crap, although his last job had him up to his knees in the stuff.

A real estate can give away a restaurant gift card for choosing him.

A contractor can bring a coffee to his first meeting with a new prospective client.

A restaurant can play happy music.

But all these things come down to one thing: management and the systems they implement to be consistent.

Consistency is the key to fulfilling expectations. Underfulfillment leads to dissatisfaction. And dissatisfaction creates customer erosion. Customer erosion hurts business and ultimately leads to failure if not addressed properly.

A dirty bathroom is the responsibility of management as is all aspects of an operation. So you can evaluate a kitchen based on a bathroom. But if you don't want to look like the fool that walks out after being seated. Just look for burnt out lightbulbs. One or two could've burnt out today. Three is too many. So either the business doesn't have enough money to fix them or the manager doesn't systemize the inspection processes.

And if the business doesn't have enough money to replace them, don't get too attached. Either way, its bad news...

Thank god for moms

I sit here and wonder why I'm here. Not purpose. Just an answer. I see people dying, crying, laughing, and living. I wonder if I'm part of a problem or part of a solution.

I'm living, I think. But I see sadness around me. I can't fix it. I'm not sure I want to. The feeling pulls me under like a drowning person.

I'm having fun, I think. But I see others having fun and it looks nothing like mine. And I wonder when did I stop wanting to do those little things. The ones where we would go for a walk with no destination.

There was freedom in that life.

I'm free, I think. But I look at all the work I have to do and wonder if it matters. Others get their work done and still seem free.

I'm richer for it, I think. But I look at my bank account and it doesn't make me laugh or smile. It lacks the memories I yearn.

I'm tired, I think. But I take a long nap and I still feel the same.

This hallowness that I try to avoid appears on my wife's face when she smiles.

I'm a disappointment I think. But mom calls and tells me I'm smart and awesome.

Thank god for moms.

Rendezvous points, stashed cache, mission impossible.

As they left the hotel, Mommy punched in the coordinates of the destination into her phone. It was 8:40 and the meeting was scheduled for 9:15.

Umm, the GPS is saying we're 28 minutes away. Not including finding a parking spot and traffic. I thought you said we were 15 minutes from the rendezvous point.

Oh, oh. We may miss this meeting. We've hit stop-and-go morning traffic. Are you sure we're going the right way?
That's what the phone is saying. If we miss the contact, we'll have to reschedule, which means our 2.5 hour drive last night was for nothing.

I know. I know. It doesn't seem like we're going the right way. Damn this traffic.
You need to get in the middle lane. We only have 15 minutes to get there and the GPS says we're still 26 minutes away.

What? We've been driving for 20 minutes and we've only gone 2 minutes according to the phone?
Um, yeah. You need to get in the middle lane.

It's too late! I can't get in the middle lane. I'm forced to go right.
But you need to get in the middle lane.

Fuck the middle lane, I'm going right.
Where are you going? You can't do a U-turn here?

I just did. (As the tires squawk a little).
Where are you going?

I'm going the way I know how to get there.
We're going to miss the meeting.

As the van screeches through lights, turns and traffic, the quiet family arrives at the rendezvous point at 9:18. 

Get out, get out. Go to the rendezvous point. I'll find a parking spot and join you afterwards.
Which building is it?

That one right there.
Which building is it?

That one right there.
It doesn't look like the right building.

It's that building right there. I remember from the last time we were here. I gotta go. Get out. Get out. I'll meet you upstairs.

Ok, kids. It's time to get out.
Where are we?
It doesn't matter. You have to get out while daddy parks the van.
Get out. Get out. Go. Go. Go.

The van darts away from mommy and two confused kids. Daddy finds a parking garage next door to the rendezvous point. He parks the car on the sixth floor. Goes to the elevator and pushes the third floor to the Pedway. He walks 300 metres on the maze of over street walkways to arrive at the rendezvous building. The meeting is on the ninth floor. 

The ninth floor has marble from floor to ceiling. Right at the entrance to a windowless door is mommy and the two kids.

I'm sorry I told you the wrong building.
I know. Did you bring your cell phone?
Umm, yes. Can't we bring it in?

No. Can you go back to the car and bring my phone too?
I don't think I have a choice.
No, you don't. We're not allowed cell phones in here.
Ok. Give it to me.

Daddy goes back to the elevator down to the 2nd floor. For some reason, this building's second floor connects to the Pedway on the same level as the parking garage's third floor. He walks 300 metres to the parking garage. Goes up the elevator to the sixth floor and walks to the van. Upon arriving at the van, he stashes two cell phones. He wonders if cell phones aren't allowed, maybe his Fitbit won't be allowed too. So instead of taking the chance, he takes off the Fitbit and stashes it with the phones. He walks to the elevator, goes down to the third floor, walks 300 metres on the Pedway, takes the elevator of the building next door to the ninth floor. He gets out on the marble cavern and rings the doorbell. Instead of the security guard, his wife pokes her head out the door with a sly smile.

Do you still have your Fitbit on?
No.

Oh. They don't allow them either. Can you bring mine back to the van?
I don't think I have a choice. Give it to me.

Mommy's Fitbit comes in two pieces. One piece is a rubber band. The other is like a little microchip. Daddy contemplates hiding it instead of going back to the van? There's a plant there. Could he hide it in the plant? Daddy decides the risk isn't worth it, so he enters the elevator, goes down to the second floor, walks 300 metres in the Pedway, goes up to the sixth floor at the parking garage, walks to the van and places mommy's fitbit in the same place as the other stashed electronic gear. He locks the door and walks 50 metres before he thinks to himself. Maybe the automatic car lock won't get past security. He walks back to the van, removes the key from the chain, takes off electronic car starters, door locks and adds it to his cached stash. He walks back to the elevator, goes down to the third floor, walks 300 metres in the Pedway, goes up to the ninth floor into the marble cavern and rings the doorbell. A young man who probably doesn't have public hair comes out. He asks Daddy to empty his pockets. He's passed the first level of screening, now he has to go through a metal detector.

Empty your pockets into this tray.
Ok.

What is this? As the pubic hairless security guard gives Daddy the stink-eye.
Umm. Chapstick.

We don't allow that here. You'll have to bring it back to your vehicle.
You're not kidding are you? Daddy doesn't have his Fitbit and he's not willing to do more steps for nothing. Everyone knows chapstick has been used to infiltrate customs in communist China. So no wonder, it's on the banned list of this low level secure office.

The only other option is to throw it out. There's a bathroom in the hallway. Take a left when you leave this room. The bathroom is on the right a few doors down.
Ok.

Daddy's friend gave him this lip balm. She makes the stuff and although not nearly as expensive as a Fitbit, Daddy is willing to lose it. But the cheap side of him doesn't want to throw out a perfectly good stick of balm. There's always the plant he could hide it in. But, wait a minute. What about the bathroom. Michael Coreleone hid a gun in a bathroom. Could Daddy sneak a stick of lip balm in the bathroom fit for Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible? He opens the door. Then realizes, it's a bathroom. Not many worthy hiding places in a public bathroom of the ninth floor of this government building. Especially not something you'd want your lips on.But wait. The counter is made of metal. Is there a lip under the counter? Daddy runs his hand under the counter and finds the metal has an inch of extra coverage perfect for storing small things like Fitbits and lip balms. No one will ever find or see this while at the rendezvous, he says to himself.
After stashing his contraband, he swaggers back to the door with the buzzer. The young buck with a bully club opens the door, pleased to hear the illegal item has been discarded.

Come on in.
Beep.

Are you wearing a belt?
Yes.

Could you please take it off?
As if Daddy had a choice.  He takes it off and places it on the conveyor belt.

Alright, come on through.
Beep.

Oh, shoot, the shoes, says the baby faced man child, shaking off his mistake pretending to know what he's doing.
Do I just take them off and put them on the conveyor as well?
Yes.

As Daddy goes through the metal detector, he notices two things. The young security guard has perfectly shiny shoes and his bully club has hockey tape on the handle partially worn out. Does he practice swinging this club on his mom or has he used this equalizing stick on contraband carrying daddy's with lip balm?

You're good to go. Pick up your things at the other end of the metal detector.
Thank you.

It's 10:15 am. A good hour after the rendezvous. The meeting was conducted under normal conditions with no awkward "you're late" stares. After the meeting, Daddy scooted into the washroom, ran his hand under the sink and found his perfectly in tact Eclair Lip Balm. The cache was retrieved. And another impossible mission was completed. No one died, as usual. But if looks could kill, Mommy would have to answer some questions.

Souls, stress and searching for answers

Hey how are you doing?
What a coincidence? I was just thinking about you yesterday. Sorry, let me stop the book I'm listening too.

What book are you listening to?
Journey of Souls by Michael Newton.

What's it about?
It's actually about interviews with clients under hypnosis who talk about their previous lives.

That sounds kind of odd. You're not listening to a business book?
I don't just listen to books to learn about business. I try to learn about life and some series of unanswered questions. I'm trying to look at business from a different angle. It's giving me a different perspective.

What's it got to do with business?
Answers to problems can come from the oddest of places. I believe if I stay well rounded, it will help me with my search of those solutions.

Oh. I never thought of books that way.
How are things with you?

Very good. Our business doubled in the last year. I have employees now and I'm working non-stop.
Are you happy where things are going?

Umm. Yeah.
Doesn't sound convincing.

Well. It's stressful with all these people I'm responsible for. I have to always find them work and there isn't enough work sometimes.
Oh. Well are you more profitable this year than you were last year?

Probably not.
Right. I understand the stress. But are you doing what you want?

What do you mean?
In your day to day routine, are you doing what you want or are you doing things you don't want?

I refuse to work 16 hour days. But there are days I have to do a bunch of paperwork and put invoices into the accounting software.
Are you aware that bookkeepers are not that expensive?

Yes, but the problem is to find a good one. I've had a few and they have never worked out.
I understand. But just because you haven't found a good one shouldn't mean you should stop looking for one.

And then I have another person to pay...
Yes, and you remove some of the stress and to do's off your list.How do you manage your stress?

Um, ah. I just work through it.
I've been stressed and coping is not easy when you're in the middle of the stress storm. However, when things calm down a bit, my advice is to remove yourself from the problem. If it was my problem, you wouldn't get stressed out.

No, not at all. Because I wouldn't own it.
Exactly, and right now you own the stress. What if you could decide that you do not own the stress, just like you don't own mine?

I can't. I have roles and responsibilities. I do own it.
I know. But did you ever think that you allow yourself to own it?

I can't help but think about the worries everyday.
Check your thinking on this. I get stressed all the time. My easiest way to reduce it is to burn it off on the treadmill. The physical stress of running overwhelms the mental stress.

Doesn't it come back?
Yes, but it feels lighter when it does. I'm no psychologist but I believe mental stress is caused by fear. And as long as I'm afraid of something, the stress keeps popping its ugly head up. Until I deal with that fear, I can't completely remove the stress. I've closed, sold and started businesses because I wanted to relieve the fear.

What would you be afraid of?
I'm afraid all the time. Probably the same types of things you're afraid of maybe on a lesser degree. Let me share something that helps me. Most things we're afraid of will never happen. Wherever your fear lies is where stress is nesting. Ask yourself if you'd be ok if your fear was realized. If the answer is no, then you should stop doing what you're doing. It's not worth the consequences. If the answer is yes. Then no matter what happens, you'll be ok.  If you will be ok, then keep going and stop worrying.

That makes a lot of sense. I have to go. I'll let you know how it goes.
Great. Good luck. Keep your head up. I hope you can realize your greatness as easily as I see it in you.

I'm glad I ran into you today.
Me too.

Workplace bullies, coincidences and the teacher is now the student

Oh my, how are you doing? I haven't seen you in such a long time.
I'm doing great. Business is great. Life is awesome. Family is amazing.

It's crazy. I never come here, primarily because I know too many people who come here. Normally I hang out at coffeeshops to get work done. With too many familiar faces, I can't get work done here. But I'm glad I ran into you today.
I don't believe in coincidences. For some mysterious reason, people and opportunity shows up at the right time.

I believe in that too. Not sure why we met, but I'm sure there's a reason I don't comprehend yet.
When's your book coming out?

Ugh, what?
When are you writing your book?

Umm, I've already written one. It was more of e-book to help others deal with the challenges of theft.
Oh. When's the next book coming out?

You're the second person to ask me that in the past week.
See. No coincidences.

Right, well... I've been writing for a couple of years now and posting on a blog.
Really, where is the blog.

You haven't read them?
No. Are you sharing the blogs on other platforms?

Yes, I post them to Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.
Oh, then I'll go check them out. Why do you blog?

I started writing because I wanted to share my knowledge with the rest of the world. But the more I wrote, the more empty I felt. I felt I was looking for approval.
And what happened next?

I stopped writing for a bit. Then I started writing for me. I didn't write to teach. I wrote to learn.
So the teacher became the student.

Yes. And now I don't care if anyone gets anything out of my writing, as long as I'm learning from them.
So you're thinking more?

Yes. And my blogs are getting more readers.
So the more real you get, the more others enjoy your thoughts.

Maybe so. But I'm trying to be careful with that. I'm reading a book called, "Ego is the Enemy". And I'm seeing things in me that I don't like.
My Ego is My Enemy.

As it is mine. It's funny how things happen. I'm going to tell you a personal story. Have you ever heard the saying, if you fail to learn the lesson, the story will repeat?
Yes of course.

Well, I'm dealing with a difficult person in my business.
Employee or someone else?

It's actually a supplier. But I've seen the exact same personality on no less than four other times in my life. Four different people yet exactly all the same.
So why do they keep coming into your life?

I think it's because I haven't learned the lesson yet.
That's an excellent perspective. Tell me about the most recent personality.

He's a guy that is extremely competitive. I am too. But when I try to win, I don't try to do it at your expense.
Isn't that what competition is?

It can be. And for my latest challenge, I believe my opponent thinks that way. For him to win, someone must lose. Yet, I believe I can win and you can too.
That seems to be anticompetitive.

Let me explain. I think the race of life isn't a race. It's a journey. As I'm setting my goals for the stars, I may end up on the moon and still be very happy with the result, without negatively affecting anyone else's intentions, or dreams.
Ok. I buy that.

However, if you believe in win-lose scenario, you're going to drain the fuel in my rocket ship and I won't get off the ground.
So you're worried that your competitor will hurt your aspirations of goal achievement.

No. I don't like people who work that way. So when I see them, I get frustrated, emotional and the interactions always ends poorly.
Is the problem you or your nemesis?

It's me. Clearly. Funny enough, I call the negative personality a bully.
Ok. And how do you deal with a bully?

Well, I've been taught to stand up to them.
How has that worked out for you?

Terribly. My last bully and I used to get into heated debates every week. I would usually back down in front of him, but would always leave unfulfilled, frustrated, mad and anxious.
And how did you get rid of him?

I left the business. But on the last day I was there, I learned a little trick.
A trick?

Yeah, the bully was up to his usual control tactics. He placed an ultimatum that would affect me financially. And for the first time in our relationship, I didn't fight back. I didn't respond with hatred. I looked at him in the eyes and told him that it did not matter. If I was robbed of what I was owed, I would accept it.
And how did he react?

He walked away. And I kept on doing what I could to help in the transition.
And the result?

I got exactly what I wanted on the day I wanted it. No delays, no financial loss.
So by letting go of what you were worried about, you got what you wanted?

See what I mean. The teacher is becoming the student.
Keep learning. You have a new bully who is pulling the same crap the old bullies did. You know what to do.

You've given me great insight. Thank you so much, but I have to go. I'm late for a meeting.
Good luck in dealing with your Ego. You're right, the ego is the enemy.

And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Right. Who do you think is the enemy of your ego?

Humbleness?
You might be right. Good luck.

BMW's, dandelions and the 100 metre dash

Can I ask you a couple of questions?

I'm just finishing up my tea, but I have a few minutes.

How do you find success?

I'm not sure I understand your question. Aren't you successful?

I think I am, but then I see others around me, I start to think I'm not.

That's your problem. You are comparing success to others and that's not fair.

I'm trying to grow my business. It's growing, but sometimes I feel it's going too slow. I see a competitor driving a brand new BMW and I think to myself that I wish I could drive one too.

It's ok to wish to have a BMW, but it's not ok to compare. 

Why not?

Does the dandelion compare itself to the maple tree?

So you're saying I'm a dandelion.

No. Not all. But is it fair to compare the two?

Of course not. 

Why?

Because the dandelion grows anywhere, grows fast and then dies. The maple tree takes years to develop and as long as the conditions are good, continues to grow and then yields yummy syrup.

Right. So they live for different reasons.

Yes. And they provide a different need.

Exactly. You assume your competitor is doing well because he drives a nice car. Is that a fair assumption?

He wouldn't have gotten the car if he couldn't pay for it.

You're making assumptions. How much debt does he have?

I don't know.

Did someone give him the car? 

I don't know.

Is he killing the cashflow in his business to make it look like he's successful?

I don't know.

Did he receive an inheritance from a family member and used the funds to buy a nice car?

I don't know.

Does he cry himself to sleep every night because his wife is about to leave him.?

I don't know.

See. You assume that his business and his life are great because he drives a nice car.  You don't have enough information. Yet you compare his business to yours because you don't drive a nice car.

You're right, but I want a nicer car.

And you've decided you can't afford it?

Exactly. 

So are you successful?

Not as much as I want to be. 

That's ok. But the maple tree cannot yield a return on maple syrup until it reaches a certain age.

And the dandelion grows fast and dies fast.

Exactly.

So my competitor might be a dandelion?

And you might be a maple tree. But don't worry about what other people are doing. Continue to do the things that has given you success.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Not if you're running the 100 metre dash. Sometimes fast and explosive wins. It all depends on the race you think you're running.

Huh?

Do you realize the race you are running has no one running against you?

Yes I do. I lose potential clients all the time to my competitors.

Of course. But back to my dandelion example. Does the dandelion feel like the maple tree is taking away the nutrients of the land?

Ouff. I have no idea. 

The dandelion grows where it can. Nutrients are everywhere, and the maple tree can't have them all because there is more than enough to go around for everyone.

So I'm a dandelion?

I never said that. You cannot win the race of your business.

Why not?

Because no one is running against you.

But what about "First in wins"?

That applies to new industries or new products. Your industry is mature. You don't need to worry about it.

But they ARE taking my potential clients.

Change you're perspective. 

Huh?

They aren't taking your potential clients. They close their potential clients. You have done nothing to call those clients potential. You believe your clients is a non-renewable resource. 

They are not?

New clients are coming into the market everyday. People die everyday and others are born. Clients are renewable just like the nutrients in the ground.

So what do I need to do to move my business forward?

Define your goals. Identify the actions you need to do to achieve your goals. And complete the actions. Measure and monitor how you're doing. Rinse and Repeat.

Just like shampoo.

Uh, huh. Do you compare how people shampoo their hair?

No.

So forget what others are doing. You do it the way you know how.  Keep moving your goals, actions and dreams forward. And then learn how to do it better.

So how do I set my goals?
Look at whatever you want improvement. Identify where you want it to be. But the goal needs to be SMART.

It will be.
Smart is an acronym which means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely.

Oh. I still want a BMW.

Then set your goals to achieve it. That sounds like a SMART goal, if you put a timeline on it

Wow. I will. Thanks for your time.

No problem. Good luck.


Rick Nicholson is a multi unit business owner and partner at Wizard of Ads in Austin, Texas. He looks at marketing from the perspective of customer bonding, corporate beliefs and increasing sales. He only works with a select few customers who believe in the same things he believes in. If you want to grow your business and would like to know how he can help you, you can reach him at ricknicholson@wizardofads.com.