There are a lot of reasons someone says no. There are pleasers who take on extra responsibilities to the detriment of their own goals.
I recently had to go to a funeral for a member of my wife's family. It forced me to reflect on life. I didn't really know the person but people I care about were saddened by the loss. There are things that have to be done that no one wants to do on such a sad occasion. Someone always does them.
I know I'm aging as I'm asked to participate in more funerals. I don't like doing it. I don't think anyone does. It's not the attention. It's the sadness that bothers me. Yet I continue to say yes.
The person planning the funeral has a lot on her plate. Asking people to assist in the burial isn't what she wants to do either, but someone has to do it.
When someone says no, it means the planner has to ask someone else, which means more work in a time when grieving takes a back seat to actual work.
I could never put into words why I say yes until now. It has always felt like the right thing to do.
I never let my thoughts get in the way of these demands. Of course I don't want to do it. If I think about it too long, I'll say no. So I don't think. By saying yes, without thought makes me committed. Once someone is dependent on me, I won't let them down.
Funerals aside, some of my best life experiences have come from just saying yes. Was I scared? It didn't matter. Once committed, I had to do it. My growth has come from being utterly shitless and just saying "Yes" anyways.
I'm not writing about the pleasers who need to practice saying "no" in the mirror. I'm writing about those who need to say a few more "yeses". Your ability to say yes will have a direct impact on your future growth.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Friday, December 5, 2014
Discipline
I grew up in a house that was quite lenient. In a time when most kids still got the belt across the bum, I can't remember getting one.
I remember being afraid of my father when he shouted. His voice could carry for miles and vibrate my bones to cry. My mother was not intimidating. She tried to be. When she got mad at us, her face was a mix between Jerry Seinfeld and Bobo the Clown. She would yell and we would laugh at her.
Mom's only effective measure for discipline was the usage of six dreaded words, "Wait until your father gets home".
As adults what forces keep us disciplined?
Going to work five days a week keeps us on track. If we don't go to work, we may lose our job. Is it still fear that keeps us disciplined? The habit of going to work every day makes it easy to go through the motions.
I was asked a great question yesterday. Do you have 10 years' experience or do you have 1 year's experience repeated 10 times?"
Over the past year, there's been no job waiting for me. There's been no one, except myself, scaring me to go to work. There have been days that I stayed in my pyjamas while most people went to work.
I have no routine. I started writing. I went back to reading. I renewed an exercise routine about 7 times. All for it to get squashed by the lack of discipline.
Three days ago, as I draw closer to buying another business, I woke up at 4:30am. I went to the office and drank a lemon water while the keyboard started putting words to a computer screen. Before anyone awoke I had written two blogs and I had read 60 pages. Full of energy I started and finished a business plan, had a meeting with a banker, and I exercised for 40 minutes. I had made pancakes for everyone when they woke up, helped with the lessons when the kids got home and even did the dishes after supper. Going to bed at 8:30pm exhausted, I knew the day was a complete success. I fullfilled my potential for that day.
The next morning was a similar day. Again I felt I had done everything I could have for the day.
Day three and I'm feeling alive. For me, the key to my discipline over the last three days has been limited television, sleeping early and rising before the roosters.
Discipline is self directed. As adults no one can instill it in us except ourselves.
How's your discipline?
I remember being afraid of my father when he shouted. His voice could carry for miles and vibrate my bones to cry. My mother was not intimidating. She tried to be. When she got mad at us, her face was a mix between Jerry Seinfeld and Bobo the Clown. She would yell and we would laugh at her.
Mom's only effective measure for discipline was the usage of six dreaded words, "Wait until your father gets home".
As adults what forces keep us disciplined?
Going to work five days a week keeps us on track. If we don't go to work, we may lose our job. Is it still fear that keeps us disciplined? The habit of going to work every day makes it easy to go through the motions.
I was asked a great question yesterday. Do you have 10 years' experience or do you have 1 year's experience repeated 10 times?"
Over the past year, there's been no job waiting for me. There's been no one, except myself, scaring me to go to work. There have been days that I stayed in my pyjamas while most people went to work.
I have no routine. I started writing. I went back to reading. I renewed an exercise routine about 7 times. All for it to get squashed by the lack of discipline.
Three days ago, as I draw closer to buying another business, I woke up at 4:30am. I went to the office and drank a lemon water while the keyboard started putting words to a computer screen. Before anyone awoke I had written two blogs and I had read 60 pages. Full of energy I started and finished a business plan, had a meeting with a banker, and I exercised for 40 minutes. I had made pancakes for everyone when they woke up, helped with the lessons when the kids got home and even did the dishes after supper. Going to bed at 8:30pm exhausted, I knew the day was a complete success. I fullfilled my potential for that day.
The next morning was a similar day. Again I felt I had done everything I could have for the day.
Day three and I'm feeling alive. For me, the key to my discipline over the last three days has been limited television, sleeping early and rising before the roosters.
Discipline is self directed. As adults no one can instill it in us except ourselves.
How's your discipline?
Awoken in the night
Something breaks
Daddy screams
To hell with you
To hell with him
You drunken fool
Mommy cries
You'll wake the kids
It's 11 pm
I am tired
He whisperedly shouts
Is it Dennis or
Is it Tim
My eyes are open
My body aches
Is this beginning
Is this the end
What's this mean
My body seizes
I pray to you
I cry to HIM
Confusion enters
I love them both
I'm a boy
I'm only ten
No more sleeping
I'm mad inside
I bang the walls
I hurt my hand
Footsteps approach
Someone whispers
We're only talking
Go back to bed
With tearied face
I move my lips
To hell with you
To hell with him
Daddy screams
To hell with you
To hell with him
You drunken fool
Mommy cries
You'll wake the kids
It's 11 pm
I am tired
He whisperedly shouts
Is it Dennis or
Is it Tim
My eyes are open
My body aches
Is this beginning
Is this the end
What's this mean
My body seizes
I pray to you
I cry to HIM
Confusion enters
I love them both
I'm a boy
I'm only ten
No more sleeping
I'm mad inside
I bang the walls
I hurt my hand
Footsteps approach
Someone whispers
We're only talking
Go back to bed
With tearied face
I move my lips
To hell with you
To hell with him
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Costco's secret
Shhh! Don't tell anyone I told you this.
I found this note on the staff bulletin board at Costco. It was written for employees eyes only. I snuck back there in my black sleuth-like jacket and would've taken a picture of it with my Spi-phone but I was afraid that some would catch me.
Wanna know the secret of Costco's success?
There are four guiding principles for employees:
1. Smile.
2. Look a customer in the eye
3. Thank the customer.
4. Always say yes.
Sounds simple. Yet in my travels, there are very few retailers following these principles.
So why is it that Costco with its 200 employees in each store can follow these principles seamlessly yet a company of a mere 10 cannot?
The first three is based on the type of people who get hired at Costco. They hire people who like to smile, genuinely take the time to look people in the eye and people who are thankful on a daily basis.
Costco could easily have said there are two guiding principles.
1. Be yourself.
2. Always say yes.
30 day return policy? What if you were one of those keener Christmas shoppers that bought your wife's gift in July only to find out she bought it for herself while shopping in December. Instead of facing a Spanish Inquisition from Roz in Monster's Inc, the agent takes it back without any hassle.
Can we learn something about ALL of our relationships from Costco?
I know. I know. It's sad that I try to compare my life to that of an inanimate corporation. In tomorrow's blog I will share a recent experience that reminds me of the Costco principles.
I found this note on the staff bulletin board at Costco. It was written for employees eyes only. I snuck back there in my black sleuth-like jacket and would've taken a picture of it with my Spi-phone but I was afraid that some would catch me.
Wanna know the secret of Costco's success?
There are four guiding principles for employees:
1. Smile.
2. Look a customer in the eye
3. Thank the customer.
4. Always say yes.
Sounds simple. Yet in my travels, there are very few retailers following these principles.
So why is it that Costco with its 200 employees in each store can follow these principles seamlessly yet a company of a mere 10 cannot?
The first three is based on the type of people who get hired at Costco. They hire people who like to smile, genuinely take the time to look people in the eye and people who are thankful on a daily basis.
Costco could easily have said there are two guiding principles.
1. Be yourself.
2. Always say yes.
30 day return policy? What if you were one of those keener Christmas shoppers that bought your wife's gift in July only to find out she bought it for herself while shopping in December. Instead of facing a Spanish Inquisition from Roz in Monster's Inc, the agent takes it back without any hassle.
Can we learn something about ALL of our relationships from Costco?
I know. I know. It's sad that I try to compare my life to that of an inanimate corporation. In tomorrow's blog I will share a recent experience that reminds me of the Costco principles.
Measuring success in sport and in life
Sports is about winning. Right?
Watch any championship game. There is a clear definition of a winner and a loser. The winner screams in jubilation while the opponent hangs their heads in defeat.
John Wooden, legendary coach at UCLA, states that success cannot be measured by the number of wins. "Don't worry about whether you're better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can become. You have control over that; the other you don't."
Success isn't based on winning. It's based on growth. It's based on becoming the best we can be.
Sounds like the idea behind youth soccer.
Kids soccer was set up for participation where everyone gets a medal. Ask my 8 year old about last summer's soccer season and he will say they won the championship. There was no championship. There weren't any playoffs. We weren't even supposed to keep score. I sat and watched, while drinking my iced water, to witness the psychoness of sport emerge in little kids and grown parents.
Children can't be taught that sport isn't about winning if parents don't believe it.
If you ask anyone if life is a race, they will say no. Talk is cheap. Observe what they do instead. We don't wait to save money to buy that shiny toy. We wait to pay off the credit card bill instead. Instant gratification until the next desired shiny toy comes along.
Life isn't a race, but we act like it is. We know we can't win at the race called life, but we try.
We crazy!
The only way we achieve success is if we fulfill our potential. The only question that matters is "What is your potential?"
Watch any championship game. There is a clear definition of a winner and a loser. The winner screams in jubilation while the opponent hangs their heads in defeat.
John Wooden, legendary coach at UCLA, states that success cannot be measured by the number of wins. "Don't worry about whether you're better than somebody else, but never cease trying to be the best you can become. You have control over that; the other you don't."
Success isn't based on winning. It's based on growth. It's based on becoming the best we can be.
Sounds like the idea behind youth soccer.
Kids soccer was set up for participation where everyone gets a medal. Ask my 8 year old about last summer's soccer season and he will say they won the championship. There was no championship. There weren't any playoffs. We weren't even supposed to keep score. I sat and watched, while drinking my iced water, to witness the psychoness of sport emerge in little kids and grown parents.
Children can't be taught that sport isn't about winning if parents don't believe it.
If you ask anyone if life is a race, they will say no. Talk is cheap. Observe what they do instead. We don't wait to save money to buy that shiny toy. We wait to pay off the credit card bill instead. Instant gratification until the next desired shiny toy comes along.
Life isn't a race, but we act like it is. We know we can't win at the race called life, but we try.
We crazy!
The only way we achieve success is if we fulfill our potential. The only question that matters is "What is your potential?"
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
How we doin?
How do you know when you're doing a good job at work if no one tells you? Are you one of the lucky people who get 6 month or annual employee reviews?
What about at home? How do you know if you're doing a good job as a mom, wife, daughter?
How do you improve? Does it take an argument to bring the shit things you do to the surface?
It's weird but in many cases we don't know where we stand with our loved ones. It's like a balancing act on a set of scales. You live with my shit. I live with yours. As long as the two piles of poop are about the same everything stays in balance and somewhat in harmony.
There's a tool I learned 10 years ago from the business world that I've never implemented in my personal life. It works for businesses, entrepreneurs, employees, parents, couples, and even for children. And it's simple.
At the end of each week, I ask each target on a scale of 1-10 how I did this week as a boss, employee, husband, parent.
Whatever the answer is, the second question is just as simple. How could I have gotten a 10?
This does a couple of things for the relationship. It demonstrates a desire for continuous improvement. It starts a conversation. And ultimately you never have to wonder where you stand.
Imagine an employee who never gets an annual review. You're probably one of them. If you ask your boss each week those two simple questions, your relationship with your boss and ultimately with your job will no longer be in question. You'll know exactly where you stand.
So how we doin'? On a scale of 1-10 how am I doing as blog writer. How do I get a 10?
PS. I have been inconsistent since last spring. My goal is to write 60 blogs by the end of January. So you will see more of my rants, thoughts, and observations.
What about at home? How do you know if you're doing a good job as a mom, wife, daughter?
How do you improve? Does it take an argument to bring the shit things you do to the surface?
It's weird but in many cases we don't know where we stand with our loved ones. It's like a balancing act on a set of scales. You live with my shit. I live with yours. As long as the two piles of poop are about the same everything stays in balance and somewhat in harmony.
There's a tool I learned 10 years ago from the business world that I've never implemented in my personal life. It works for businesses, entrepreneurs, employees, parents, couples, and even for children. And it's simple.
At the end of each week, I ask each target on a scale of 1-10 how I did this week as a boss, employee, husband, parent.
Whatever the answer is, the second question is just as simple. How could I have gotten a 10?
This does a couple of things for the relationship. It demonstrates a desire for continuous improvement. It starts a conversation. And ultimately you never have to wonder where you stand.
Imagine an employee who never gets an annual review. You're probably one of them. If you ask your boss each week those two simple questions, your relationship with your boss and ultimately with your job will no longer be in question. You'll know exactly where you stand.
So how we doin'? On a scale of 1-10 how am I doing as blog writer. How do I get a 10?
PS. I have been inconsistent since last spring. My goal is to write 60 blogs by the end of January. So you will see more of my rants, thoughts, and observations.
We can all learn from WWE's vision
It seems that most people I talk to live in a regional mindset.
In university, for example, there was the proud Islander, who loved everyone and everything from PEI. There was the Alexander Keith drinking Nova Scotian.
24 years later, I observe the same regional level thinking going on with pre-Internet babies. Will the millenial generation will save us? The world is at their fingertips as they tap away on their internet ready devices at lunch, supper, movies, and no doubt during sex.
It's always been at our fingertips too. We lacked the vision to see it.
Before smartphones, 24/7 news, the Internet, and even before pay-per-view some had a vision of a global economy. The ones that did got insanely wealthy.
In the 1980's, wrestling companies thought and operated regionally. Vince McMahon inherited his business from his father. There were territorial lines in which a wrestling company wouldn't dare breach in fear of the retaliation from another.
Vince McMahon thought differently. He had a vision. He saw potential in a world class wrestling company that could make all the others look like amateurs. A packed arena of 300 people was small potatoes in his eyes. He wanted to fill football stadiums. 100,000 people in one venue was his dream.
In our communities, we regionalize our problems. Every few years, there is some community publicly looking for donations for a playground. "We need a place for our kids to play so that they stay off the streets". Turning the problem upside down, I see the real problem. The real problem is that the community doesn't have enough tax revenue to support it's infrastructure. I see a community not looking past tax dollars to increase that revenue stream. I see an opportunity for that town. Why couldn't the town buy a playground company, move the manufacturing to the town, create jobs, hire great people to run it. Then work with leasing companies to provide reasonable terms to other towns and schools looking for playgrounds. I'm sure there are problems with this idea, but why can't we do something instead of doing nothing.
All problems are opportunities turned upside down. Great opportunites have never been regional.
If McMahon can do it with a bunch of grown, steroid infused men acting like clowns with just enough cloth to hide their junk, then why can't you?
You need two things:
In university, for example, there was the proud Islander, who loved everyone and everything from PEI. There was the Alexander Keith drinking Nova Scotian.
24 years later, I observe the same regional level thinking going on with pre-Internet babies. Will the millenial generation will save us? The world is at their fingertips as they tap away on their internet ready devices at lunch, supper, movies, and no doubt during sex.
It's always been at our fingertips too. We lacked the vision to see it.
In the 1980's, wrestling companies thought and operated regionally. Vince McMahon inherited his business from his father. There were territorial lines in which a wrestling company wouldn't dare breach in fear of the retaliation from another.
Vince McMahon thought differently. He had a vision. He saw potential in a world class wrestling company that could make all the others look like amateurs. A packed arena of 300 people was small potatoes in his eyes. He wanted to fill football stadiums. 100,000 people in one venue was his dream.
In our communities, we regionalize our problems. Every few years, there is some community publicly looking for donations for a playground. "We need a place for our kids to play so that they stay off the streets". Turning the problem upside down, I see the real problem. The real problem is that the community doesn't have enough tax revenue to support it's infrastructure. I see a community not looking past tax dollars to increase that revenue stream. I see an opportunity for that town. Why couldn't the town buy a playground company, move the manufacturing to the town, create jobs, hire great people to run it. Then work with leasing companies to provide reasonable terms to other towns and schools looking for playgrounds. I'm sure there are problems with this idea, but why can't we do something instead of doing nothing.
All problems are opportunities turned upside down. Great opportunites have never been regional.
If McMahon can do it with a bunch of grown, steroid infused men acting like clowns with just enough cloth to hide their junk, then why can't you?
You need two things:
1. A dream for a better tomorrow.
2. The first step.
The path you choose is up to you.
Be a settler or a pioneer.
Follow others and you will be clear of danger.
There will be little fruit on the trees,
As others have already picked it clear.
Survival is almost certain, but you will be hungry.
Create your own path,
Be bold. Be strong.
Danger is lurking everywhere.
Safety is no where to be found.
If you survive, you will be famous
And your kids will never know what hunger is.
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