Patience is a virtue I was not blessed with

I grew up poor. Not living on the street poor. Sharing a bedroom with my sister poor. Bringing butter sandwiches to school poor. Mixing canned milk with water poor.

We had all the necessities to survive. There just weren't any extras. We never went hungry. But somedays we lived on tomato soup to get us to grocery day, which in effect was mom or dad's payday.

Those years are long behind me, but I never forgot how I felt.

I've been accused on many occasions of being an impatient person. When I want something, I want it now. I read recently that many successful entrepreneurs suffer from the same condition.

In my ongoing search for growth, I wonder what drives my impatience. A friend told me that impatience is derived from fear. Fear from what?

Another friend told me that his impatience is derived from a a fear of loss. He's afraid to lose money, time and power. I liked the answer so much I identified with it and believed my impatience may be coming from the same place.

This made sense until I had a coffee with another good friend. He honestly told me that I like to be in control - almost a control freak.  He was right. I could easily explain every major event in my life when I lost my patience. Each time I was afraid of losing control. Control of my future, control of my finances, control of my life. Someone else controlled me and I fought back.

Here's what's ironic: when I lose my patience, I lose control of my emotions. What I'm afraid of losing is actually lost the second I fear losing it.

I think the fear of losing control has something to do with my childhood. I can't change my past. I can only change what I do now.

I'm working really hard to let the fear go.

Wish me luck!