How do you know when you're doing a good job at work if no one tells you? Are you one of the lucky people who get 6 month or annual employee reviews?
What about at home? How do you know if you're doing a good job as a mom, wife, daughter?
How do you improve? Does it take an argument to bring the shit things you do to the surface?
It's weird but in many cases we don't know where we stand with our loved ones. It's like a balancing act on a set of scales. You live with my shit. I live with yours. As long as the two piles of poop are about the same everything stays in balance and somewhat in harmony.
There's a tool I learned 10 years ago from the business world that I've never implemented in my personal life. It works for businesses, entrepreneurs, employees, parents, couples, and even for children. And it's simple.
At the end of each week, I ask each target on a scale of 1-10 how I did this week as a boss, employee, husband, parent.
Whatever the answer is, the second question is just as simple. How could I have gotten a 10?
This does a couple of things for the relationship. It demonstrates a desire for continuous improvement. It starts a conversation. And ultimately you never have to wonder where you stand.
Imagine an employee who never gets an annual review. You're probably one of them. If you ask your boss each week those two simple questions, your relationship with your boss and ultimately with your job will no longer be in question. You'll know exactly where you stand.
So how we doin'? On a scale of 1-10 how am I doing as blog writer. How do I get a 10?
PS. I have been inconsistent since last spring. My goal is to write 60 blogs by the end of January. So you will see more of my rants, thoughts, and observations.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
We can all learn from WWE's vision
It seems that most people I talk to live in a regional mindset.
In university, for example, there was the proud Islander, who loved everyone and everything from PEI. There was the Alexander Keith drinking Nova Scotian.
24 years later, I observe the same regional level thinking going on with pre-Internet babies. Will the millenial generation will save us? The world is at their fingertips as they tap away on their internet ready devices at lunch, supper, movies, and no doubt during sex.
It's always been at our fingertips too. We lacked the vision to see it.
Before smartphones, 24/7 news, the Internet, and even before pay-per-view some had a vision of a global economy. The ones that did got insanely wealthy.
In the 1980's, wrestling companies thought and operated regionally. Vince McMahon inherited his business from his father. There were territorial lines in which a wrestling company wouldn't dare breach in fear of the retaliation from another.
Vince McMahon thought differently. He had a vision. He saw potential in a world class wrestling company that could make all the others look like amateurs. A packed arena of 300 people was small potatoes in his eyes. He wanted to fill football stadiums. 100,000 people in one venue was his dream.
In our communities, we regionalize our problems. Every few years, there is some community publicly looking for donations for a playground. "We need a place for our kids to play so that they stay off the streets". Turning the problem upside down, I see the real problem. The real problem is that the community doesn't have enough tax revenue to support it's infrastructure. I see a community not looking past tax dollars to increase that revenue stream. I see an opportunity for that town. Why couldn't the town buy a playground company, move the manufacturing to the town, create jobs, hire great people to run it. Then work with leasing companies to provide reasonable terms to other towns and schools looking for playgrounds. I'm sure there are problems with this idea, but why can't we do something instead of doing nothing.
All problems are opportunities turned upside down. Great opportunites have never been regional.
If McMahon can do it with a bunch of grown, steroid infused men acting like clowns with just enough cloth to hide their junk, then why can't you?
You need two things:
In university, for example, there was the proud Islander, who loved everyone and everything from PEI. There was the Alexander Keith drinking Nova Scotian.
24 years later, I observe the same regional level thinking going on with pre-Internet babies. Will the millenial generation will save us? The world is at their fingertips as they tap away on their internet ready devices at lunch, supper, movies, and no doubt during sex.
It's always been at our fingertips too. We lacked the vision to see it.
In the 1980's, wrestling companies thought and operated regionally. Vince McMahon inherited his business from his father. There were territorial lines in which a wrestling company wouldn't dare breach in fear of the retaliation from another.
Vince McMahon thought differently. He had a vision. He saw potential in a world class wrestling company that could make all the others look like amateurs. A packed arena of 300 people was small potatoes in his eyes. He wanted to fill football stadiums. 100,000 people in one venue was his dream.
In our communities, we regionalize our problems. Every few years, there is some community publicly looking for donations for a playground. "We need a place for our kids to play so that they stay off the streets". Turning the problem upside down, I see the real problem. The real problem is that the community doesn't have enough tax revenue to support it's infrastructure. I see a community not looking past tax dollars to increase that revenue stream. I see an opportunity for that town. Why couldn't the town buy a playground company, move the manufacturing to the town, create jobs, hire great people to run it. Then work with leasing companies to provide reasonable terms to other towns and schools looking for playgrounds. I'm sure there are problems with this idea, but why can't we do something instead of doing nothing.
All problems are opportunities turned upside down. Great opportunites have never been regional.
If McMahon can do it with a bunch of grown, steroid infused men acting like clowns with just enough cloth to hide their junk, then why can't you?
You need two things:
1. A dream for a better tomorrow.
2. The first step.
The path you choose is up to you.
Be a settler or a pioneer.
Follow others and you will be clear of danger.
There will be little fruit on the trees,
As others have already picked it clear.
Survival is almost certain, but you will be hungry.
Create your own path,
Be bold. Be strong.
Danger is lurking everywhere.
Safety is no where to be found.
If you survive, you will be famous
And your kids will never know what hunger is.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Attack of the clones!!
I've been silently rebelling the school system since I was a teenager.
It has something to do with one size fits all.
As a parent, I remember my first parent teacher meeting. I was so excited. Finally I would know what happened in these secret meetings my mom attended.
"Your daughter has difficulty in prioritizing time in art class. She spent 10 minutes thinking about what she wanted to do. She didn't complete her painting in the time allotted."
Teaching the value of planning wasn't important to this person. Urgh.
Last week, I was speaking to the principal of my kids' school. The issue was my son. He takes classical music lessons at another school. He gets bussed there and returns to his school after dark. He caused a commotion on the school bus. I was informed that the bus was a privilege and not a right.
Sounded like I was back in grade 8 with mademoiselle Bourque as she referred to me as monsieur Nicholson. It still gives me the shakety shakes when people use mister in a condescending way.
"The number one priority of the bus system is to ensure the safe transportation of ALL kids. Your son's actions distracted the driver while he tried to perform his duties."
Can't argue with that line of thinking. Safety on the bus is my biggest priority too. Then I thought if safety was so important why there were no seat belts on the bus, except for the driver.
"Since we're talking about safety", I retort, "how can the bus driver leave children in the school parking lot unattended in the dark?"
"The bus driver belongs to a different department, and legally we can't be held responsible for the safety of the child when it's the parents' responsibility to pick up their children on time."
"What's your moral responsibility? If something happens to a child, you will all feel extremely bad. You'll carry it on your conscience for the rest of your life. You'll waste valuable time devising a strategy, sending it for approval to your boss and your boss's boss. Eventually someone will come up with an action plan that will require the bus driver to wait the extra FIVE minutes until all parents arrive."
"Tell me which parents are late. I will follow up with them to make sure they are always on time for their children".
Agghhhhh!
Why aren't these people thinking past their own responsibilities?
Have they lost the reasons why they are educators?
Are they drone teaching clones?
What happened to creative thinking?
If they are not curious how do they teach our kids to be more curious?
I was talking to a call centre agent acting as a principal. She was scrolling for possible answers on her computer screen. Using pre-defined answers demonstrates again that creativity and the ability to think for oneself is something not promoted in public school.
I don't want my kids to be clones.
I want my kids to question everything like they did when they were two.
I have friends who are teachers. They are extremely creative yet get bogged down by administrative tasks. Teachers have a raw deal. One that I would never want, except in July and August.
It has something to do with one size fits all.
As a parent, I remember my first parent teacher meeting. I was so excited. Finally I would know what happened in these secret meetings my mom attended.
"Your daughter has difficulty in prioritizing time in art class. She spent 10 minutes thinking about what she wanted to do. She didn't complete her painting in the time allotted."
Teaching the value of planning wasn't important to this person. Urgh.
Last week, I was speaking to the principal of my kids' school. The issue was my son. He takes classical music lessons at another school. He gets bussed there and returns to his school after dark. He caused a commotion on the school bus. I was informed that the bus was a privilege and not a right.
Sounded like I was back in grade 8 with mademoiselle Bourque as she referred to me as monsieur Nicholson. It still gives me the shakety shakes when people use mister in a condescending way.
"The number one priority of the bus system is to ensure the safe transportation of ALL kids. Your son's actions distracted the driver while he tried to perform his duties."
Can't argue with that line of thinking. Safety on the bus is my biggest priority too. Then I thought if safety was so important why there were no seat belts on the bus, except for the driver.
"Since we're talking about safety", I retort, "how can the bus driver leave children in the school parking lot unattended in the dark?"
"The bus driver belongs to a different department, and legally we can't be held responsible for the safety of the child when it's the parents' responsibility to pick up their children on time."
"What's your moral responsibility? If something happens to a child, you will all feel extremely bad. You'll carry it on your conscience for the rest of your life. You'll waste valuable time devising a strategy, sending it for approval to your boss and your boss's boss. Eventually someone will come up with an action plan that will require the bus driver to wait the extra FIVE minutes until all parents arrive."
"Tell me which parents are late. I will follow up with them to make sure they are always on time for their children".
Agghhhhh!
Why aren't these people thinking past their own responsibilities?
Have they lost the reasons why they are educators?
Are they drone teaching clones?
What happened to creative thinking?
If they are not curious how do they teach our kids to be more curious?
I was talking to a call centre agent acting as a principal. She was scrolling for possible answers on her computer screen. Using pre-defined answers demonstrates again that creativity and the ability to think for oneself is something not promoted in public school.
I don't want my kids to be clones.
I want my kids to question everything like they did when they were two.
I have friends who are teachers. They are extremely creative yet get bogged down by administrative tasks. Teachers have a raw deal. One that I would never want, except in July and August.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Walking on water
Every once in a while, I dream something vivid. When I try to explain it it the morning, it makes less sense than it did when it was experienced.
We have two brains. The left brain is our logical analytical brain while the right brain is the creative counterpart.
When we sleep, the logical, left brain shuts off while the creative right side awakens.
Poetry comes from the creative side too.
So in keeping with right brained thinking, I'm going to explain this cool dream in my first ever poem not of the "roses are red variety".
Walking on white sands of Talbota
Skies were aqua
Water like sky
Iron on beaches
Nails, nails, nails
Some turned down
Some turned up
Careful where I walked
I got to watersfront
There was feeling under my feet
Magnetic, magnetic, magnetic
The water lifted me up
For a brief moment
I walked on water
So does everyone else
Laughing, crying, numbing
Greatest feeling of joy
Serene, serene, serene
People everywhere are on knees
Celebrating with family
Magnetism leaves
I sink into the water
Bang, Bang, Bang
Our tour guide says its time to go
I don't want to leave
I am afraid, so I listen
We rush to a bus
Looking behind us
Scared, scared, scared
We leave this place never to return
We have two brains. The left brain is our logical analytical brain while the right brain is the creative counterpart.
When we sleep, the logical, left brain shuts off while the creative right side awakens.
Poetry comes from the creative side too.
So in keeping with right brained thinking, I'm going to explain this cool dream in my first ever poem not of the "roses are red variety".
Walking on white sands of Talbota
Skies were aqua
Water like sky
Iron on beaches
Nails, nails, nails
Some turned down
Some turned up
Careful where I walked
I got to watersfront
There was feeling under my feet
Magnetic, magnetic, magnetic
The water lifted me up
For a brief moment
I walked on water
So does everyone else
Laughing, crying, numbing
Greatest feeling of joy
Serene, serene, serene
People everywhere are on knees
Celebrating with family
Magnetism leaves
I sink into the water
Bang, Bang, Bang
Our tour guide says its time to go
I don't want to leave
I am afraid, so I listen
We rush to a bus
Looking behind us
Scared, scared, scared
We leave this place never to return
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Struggles with Motivation
I wonder where the little bugger called motivation hides.
When he's in my grasp, nothing holds me back.
It's the days I lose him that bothers me.
There are days when I can't lift my ass off the couch except to go to the bathroom or to grab some food in the kitchen. I just want to sit in front of the TV all day and not do a damn thing. Sit and watch movies, sports, sitcoms. Eat chips, ice cream, candies. Drink rum, beer or whatever's in the fridge.
It usually lasts for an entire day.
I have enough to do.
My wife has a honey-do list waiting for my attention.
The kids want to play.
The garage needs cleaning.
The dog likes to walk.
I'm zombing out.
My old man would call me lazy. .
In these funks, I ask myself, "What will it take to get me motivated today?". The more I do nothing, the less I want to do, and the less I feel good about myself.
How do I release myself from the clutches of inertia. Sleep and a shower help but they generally come a day too late. But sometimes I do break out. Here's what it takes.
Action!
I start by doing something. Even if I really don't want to do it. I just start it and think to myself that when it's over I'll go back to the sofa.
In taking those first few steps, I don't zombie out again. I start feeling good. I feel productive. I feel like I accomplished one thing. Then the dopamine kicks in and I want to do something else.
My wife is smart enough to know when I'm in one these moods by suggesting we go for a walk. After minutes of deliberating, I tag along kicking and screaming. Then by some miraculous magical occurrence I feel better.
I learned from my dark days that motivation is found in an accumulation of baby steps.
Where do you find motivation? Like a marathon, you take one step at a time.
Just do it!!!
When he's in my grasp, nothing holds me back.
It's the days I lose him that bothers me.
There are days when I can't lift my ass off the couch except to go to the bathroom or to grab some food in the kitchen. I just want to sit in front of the TV all day and not do a damn thing. Sit and watch movies, sports, sitcoms. Eat chips, ice cream, candies. Drink rum, beer or whatever's in the fridge.
It usually lasts for an entire day.
I have enough to do.
My wife has a honey-do list waiting for my attention.
The kids want to play.
The garage needs cleaning.
The dog likes to walk.
I'm zombing out.
My old man would call me lazy. .
In these funks, I ask myself, "What will it take to get me motivated today?". The more I do nothing, the less I want to do, and the less I feel good about myself.
How do I release myself from the clutches of inertia. Sleep and a shower help but they generally come a day too late. But sometimes I do break out. Here's what it takes.
Action!
I start by doing something. Even if I really don't want to do it. I just start it and think to myself that when it's over I'll go back to the sofa.
In taking those first few steps, I don't zombie out again. I start feeling good. I feel productive. I feel like I accomplished one thing. Then the dopamine kicks in and I want to do something else.
My wife is smart enough to know when I'm in one these moods by suggesting we go for a walk. After minutes of deliberating, I tag along kicking and screaming. Then by some miraculous magical occurrence I feel better.
I learned from my dark days that motivation is found in an accumulation of baby steps.
Where do you find motivation? Like a marathon, you take one step at a time.
Just do it!!!
Monday, November 17, 2014
Are you a hero or a victim?
I watched Maleficent this weekend. The story of Sleeping Beauty is retold from different angle.
The original children's story tells of a villainous witch who casts a spell on a young innocent baby in retaliation to the land's ruler. The kingdom descends into darkness until one fateful day, the hero arrives. He kisses the fair maiden to awaken her and slays the wicked witch.
In the original story, the hero is Prince Phillip. The victim is the Aurora. And the villain is the Maleficent.
This is a classic setup for every great story. It's called the "Drama Triangle". For drama to exist in any relationship, there is a need for all three characters.
Similar to most remakes, I expected a story told in the same way with super special effects and sustainable acting.
What I got was much better. They flipped the character archetypes.
In the retold version of Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent, a dark character, plays the victim. Aurora's father, King Sebastien takes on the villain role. Aurora is the hero.
The story took on a whole new meaning as the viewer sympathizes with the dark witch.
Now think about real life for a moment. Doesn't the Drama Triangle get flipped depending on perspective?
We don't see ourselves as the villain in the story of our lives. We see ourselves as either victim or hero.
If take the victim role, we look for our knight in shining armour to save the day.
If we play hero, we fight evil to right the wrongs of our world.
In either case, when we set ourselves up to be one of hero or victim, we've now entered the Drama Triangle. Arguments ensue, feelings get hurt, fights break out and vengeance devours the weak.
If we don't want drama in our lives, we must decline the roles of victim and hero. No participation, drama crumbles. It has no choice. It's only effective when there are three characters in the game.
Don't play the game!
The original children's story tells of a villainous witch who casts a spell on a young innocent baby in retaliation to the land's ruler. The kingdom descends into darkness until one fateful day, the hero arrives. He kisses the fair maiden to awaken her and slays the wicked witch.
In the original story, the hero is Prince Phillip. The victim is the Aurora. And the villain is the Maleficent.
This is a classic setup for every great story. It's called the "Drama Triangle". For drama to exist in any relationship, there is a need for all three characters.
Similar to most remakes, I expected a story told in the same way with super special effects and sustainable acting.
What I got was much better. They flipped the character archetypes.
In the retold version of Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent, a dark character, plays the victim. Aurora's father, King Sebastien takes on the villain role. Aurora is the hero.
The story took on a whole new meaning as the viewer sympathizes with the dark witch.
Now think about real life for a moment. Doesn't the Drama Triangle get flipped depending on perspective?
We don't see ourselves as the villain in the story of our lives. We see ourselves as either victim or hero.
If take the victim role, we look for our knight in shining armour to save the day.
If we play hero, we fight evil to right the wrongs of our world.
In either case, when we set ourselves up to be one of hero or victim, we've now entered the Drama Triangle. Arguments ensue, feelings get hurt, fights break out and vengeance devours the weak.
If we don't want drama in our lives, we must decline the roles of victim and hero. No participation, drama crumbles. It has no choice. It's only effective when there are three characters in the game.
Don't play the game!
Monday, November 10, 2014
Idea assassin
Have you ever been a killer of ideas?
Have you ever beaten up someone mentally because he/she said something so ridiculous that your mind could not process the idiocy of their thoughts?
Have you ever laughed at a stupid statement and then later saw the potential brilliance in the person?
I've been guilty of all the above. I'm hoping I'm not alone. If so, I have to reevaluate my opinion of me.
My mom had a dream of opening a restaurant. She found a location, built a business plan and bought a building. She had a dream. A dream that was going to give her family a better life than the seasonal low pay of a fish factory worker.
I see these dreams every day. I love hearing people dream in a non dreaming world.
At her worst possible moment when self doubt crept in, her smart-assed teenage son spoke up. Her eldest boy, her pride and joy, her spawn. No one could hurt her more than him.
And I did.
The dream died. A piece of mom died too. I never heard her dream anymore. She sold the building. She went back to work and stopped thinking about what could be.
I killed my mom's idea. I didn't know what I was talking about. I knew nothing about business. I knew nothing about dreams as I was desperately conforming in a teenage world where no one dared be different.
Yet when I wanted to start my businesses, what did my mom do? She did what every great mother does. She asked a lot of questions and stood on the sidelines and quietly cheered for her boy.
Love cheers others on. Jealously, fear, anger pulls them back.
Don't be an idea assassin. Love your friend or family member and cheer them on to success. If you know nothing about business, keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't KNOW what you're talking about, the advice you give will hurt them. I guarantee it will hurt you in the end.
I tell new entrepreneurs all of the time not to listen to their families and friends if they've never owned a successful business. The advice from loved ones is blind. Most times, it interferes and pulls you in the wrong direction.
I'm talking from experience. Take it for what it's worth.
Have you ever beaten up someone mentally because he/she said something so ridiculous that your mind could not process the idiocy of their thoughts?
Have you ever laughed at a stupid statement and then later saw the potential brilliance in the person?
I've been guilty of all the above. I'm hoping I'm not alone. If so, I have to reevaluate my opinion of me.
My mom had a dream of opening a restaurant. She found a location, built a business plan and bought a building. She had a dream. A dream that was going to give her family a better life than the seasonal low pay of a fish factory worker.
I see these dreams every day. I love hearing people dream in a non dreaming world.
At her worst possible moment when self doubt crept in, her smart-assed teenage son spoke up. Her eldest boy, her pride and joy, her spawn. No one could hurt her more than him.
And I did.
The dream died. A piece of mom died too. I never heard her dream anymore. She sold the building. She went back to work and stopped thinking about what could be.
I killed my mom's idea. I didn't know what I was talking about. I knew nothing about business. I knew nothing about dreams as I was desperately conforming in a teenage world where no one dared be different.
Yet when I wanted to start my businesses, what did my mom do? She did what every great mother does. She asked a lot of questions and stood on the sidelines and quietly cheered for her boy.
Love cheers others on. Jealously, fear, anger pulls them back.
Don't be an idea assassin. Love your friend or family member and cheer them on to success. If you know nothing about business, keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't KNOW what you're talking about, the advice you give will hurt them. I guarantee it will hurt you in the end.
I tell new entrepreneurs all of the time not to listen to their families and friends if they've never owned a successful business. The advice from loved ones is blind. Most times, it interferes and pulls you in the wrong direction.
I'm talking from experience. Take it for what it's worth.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)