Struggles with Motivation

I wonder where the little bugger called motivation hides.

When he's in my grasp, nothing holds me back.

It's the days I lose him that bothers me.

There are days when I can't lift my ass off the couch except to go to the bathroom or to grab some food in the kitchen. I just want to sit in front of the TV all day and not do a damn thing. Sit and watch movies, sports, sitcoms. Eat chips, ice cream, candies. Drink rum, beer or whatever's in the fridge.

It usually lasts for an entire day.

I have enough to do.
My wife has a honey-do list waiting for my attention.
The kids want to play.
The garage needs cleaning.
The dog likes to walk.
I'm zombing out.

My old man would call me lazy. .

In these funks, I ask myself, "What will it take to get me motivated today?". The more I do nothing, the less I want to do, and the less I feel good about myself.

How do I release myself from the clutches of inertia. Sleep and a shower help but they generally come a day too late. But sometimes I do break out. Here's what it takes.

Action!

I start by doing something. Even if I really don't want to do it. I just start it and think to myself that when it's over I'll go back to the sofa.

In taking those first few steps, I don't zombie out again. I start feeling good. I feel productive. I feel like I accomplished one thing. Then the dopamine kicks in and I want to do something else.

My wife is smart enough to know when I'm in one these moods by suggesting we go for a walk. After minutes of deliberating, I tag along kicking and screaming. Then by some miraculous magical occurrence I feel better.

I learned from my dark days that motivation is found in an accumulation of baby steps.
Where do you find motivation? Like a marathon, you take one step at a time.

Just do it!!!

Are you a hero or a victim?

I watched Maleficent this weekend. The story of Sleeping Beauty is retold from different angle.

The original children's story tells of a villainous witch who casts a spell on a young innocent baby in retaliation to the land's ruler. The kingdom descends into darkness until one fateful day, the hero arrives. He kisses the fair maiden to awaken her and slays the wicked witch.

In the original story, the hero is Prince Phillip. The victim is the Aurora. And the villain is the Maleficent.

This is a classic setup for every great story. It's called the "Drama Triangle". For drama to exist in any relationship, there is a need for all three characters.

Similar to most remakes, I expected a story told in the same way with super special effects and sustainable acting.

What I got was much better. They flipped the character archetypes.

In the retold version of Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent, a dark character, plays the victim. Aurora's father, King Sebastien takes on the villain role. Aurora is the hero.

The story took on a whole new meaning as the viewer sympathizes with the dark witch.

Now think about real life for a moment. Doesn't the Drama Triangle get flipped depending on perspective?

We don't see ourselves as the villain in the story of our lives. We see ourselves as either victim or hero.

If take the victim role, we look for our knight in shining armour to save the day.
If we play hero, we fight evil to right the wrongs of our world.

In either case, when we set ourselves up to be one of hero or victim, we've now entered the Drama Triangle. Arguments ensue, feelings get hurt, fights break out and vengeance devours the weak.

If we don't want drama in our lives, we must decline the roles of victim and hero. No participation, drama crumbles. It has no choice. It's only effective when there are three characters in the game.

Don't play the game!

Idea assassin

Have you ever been a killer of ideas?

Have you ever beaten up someone mentally because he/she said something so ridiculous that your mind could not process the idiocy of their thoughts?

Have you ever laughed at a stupid statement and then later saw the potential brilliance in the person?

I've been guilty of all the above. I'm hoping I'm not alone. If so, I have to reevaluate my opinion of me.

My mom had a dream of opening a restaurant. She found a location, built a business plan and bought a building. She had a dream. A dream that was going to give her family a better life than the seasonal low pay of a fish factory worker.

I see these dreams every day. I love hearing people dream in a non dreaming world.

At her worst possible moment when self doubt crept in, her smart-assed teenage son spoke up. Her eldest boy, her pride and joy, her spawn. No one could hurt her more than him.

And I did.

The dream died. A piece of mom died too. I never heard her dream anymore. She sold the building. She went back to work and stopped thinking about what could be.

I killed my mom's idea. I didn't know what I was talking about. I knew nothing about business. I knew nothing about dreams as I was desperately conforming in a teenage world where no one dared be different.

Yet when I wanted to start my businesses, what did my mom do? She did what every great mother does. She asked a lot of questions and stood on the sidelines and quietly cheered for her boy.

Love cheers others on. Jealously, fear, anger pulls them back.

Don't be an idea assassin. Love your friend or family member and cheer them on to success. If you know nothing about business, keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't KNOW what you're talking about, the advice you give will hurt them. I guarantee it will hurt you in the end.

I tell new entrepreneurs all of the time not to listen to their families and friends if they've never owned a successful business. The advice from loved ones is blind. Most times, it interferes and pulls you in the wrong direction.

I'm talking from experience. Take it for what it's worth.

Weapons of mass destruction

Fear, anxiety, restlessness. Let us make sure everyone is afraid of some resident evil that will destroy the very clothed blanket of what our forefathers built for us.

I refuse to participate in the fear mongering of world leaders and the media. Bad people do crazy unethical acts.  I get that.

We call them terrorists. By definition anyone can be considered a terrorist who instills fear. Are terrorists defined by brown people living under a Muslim faith? That's what we focus on. Can biker gangs be considered terrorist?

I accused my daughter of terrorism yesterday. If she is put on a no flight registry, should I be surprised?

We create the big bad wolf. We need some danger to target our attention. Hitler and Stalin became Hussein and Bin Ladin became ISIS and Al Quaeda.

We allow powerful men from powerful nations to have power over us.

Are we free?

The media tells us we're free. The leaders tell us we're free. Don't pay taxes and find out how free you are. Power is held by powerful men releasing an even flow of anxiety.

Was I born a slave? Is thought the only thing that can save us?

Paraphrasing Oscar Wilde's poem, replacing "love" with " freedom",
 
Freedom will fly if held too lightly,
Freedom will die if held too tightly,
Lightly, tightly, how do I know
Whether I'm holding or letting Freedom go.

Which pill are you willing to take - red or blue?

I see nothing...

Do you remember the series "Hogan's Heros"? The story was about Americans in a German POW camp during World War II and all of their escapades in gathering espionage from the wanting to be loved Colonel Klink and his dupable sidekick Sergeant Shultz.

Many times Shultz would catch the prisoners in action. Thinking he himself would get into trouble from Klink, he would iterate in a poor American-German accent, "I see nutting".

I was thinking about that line this morning when I was reading about false assumptions.

We all make assumptions. Many of those assumptions are based on experience. Some are based on the experience of others that we've heard about. Some are just made up because we think we're pretty smart.

Although experience can mean a great deal. It can also mean nothing. Albert Einstein once gave the same Physics exam to the same group of students two years in a row. When his assistant asked why, his answer was, "Because the answers have changed".

Can the assumptions we have be wrong? Can the answers change?

A friend asked me a great question over lunch the other day. "Do you know the answer or do you think you know the answer?". Thinking hard about his pose, I believe that more often than not, I think I know the answer.

I know a lot of stuff. But more importantly, there's more I don't know. And things change...

Instead of having answers, I am trying to have more questions. How freeing!!

We learn about perceptions and how each of us can have quite different perceptions of the world. How can I see the world through your eyes? The simple answer is "I see nothing".

You may need help but it can't be from my advice. I need you to see the answers through my questions.

How many good questions have you asked lately?

Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

A friend recently opened a business. He was so excited. There was a gleam in his eye. The same gleam when a proud father talks about the birth of a child. He opened to very strong sales as people "test drove" his offering for the first time. This is what is called the honeymoon period.

Just like a relationship, nothing goes wrong on a honeymoon. And even if it did, you just shake it off and continue to enjoy the ride.

Business was so good, he exclaimed the business had surpassed his wildest dreams. It was such an exciting time.

There were holes in his business model. Ignorant me, by pointing out some of the flaws in his assumptions, I upset him more than helped him. I thought his business could benefit from my input. Leaving that day, my main concern was how to improve my coaching skills. 

It's his business. He has the final say on all things. That's why owning a business is so great. You don't have to listen to anyone except your customer. Ultimately, the only boss that matters is the one putting money in the cash register. Business owners can take objective, outside advice or they can discount it. My friend chose the latter, stating consumers were quite happy with his product offering. 

Three months later, sales started to decline. When sales start to lag, I see too many business owners who point the finger at some external force. It's someone else's fault whether it be the economy, increased competition, government regulations, landlord demands, employee problems or some other black force killing sales. People don't like to look internally at themselves.

How can I be be the problem? What can I do differently? Where are my blind spots? What are my limiting beliefs? Is there an assumption I'm making that may not be true?

This is not only true of business people.

We look to place blame on the big bad wolf that is trying to huff and puff to blow the house down.

I want you to remember the children's story of "The Three Little Pigs". The moral of the story has nothing to do with the wolf. It has to do with preparation for the wolf. Just build the business/yourself out of bricks - solid, stable and sturdy enough to withhold the wolf's breath. 

One day there will be a wolf. Know your flaws. Learn your blindspots. If a wolf blows your house down, it was your fault. You should have known he was coming, because he is relentless.

What is your art?

I took a step today.

Is it the right step? I dunno.

Is it a step in the right direction? I dunno that either.

The Chetshire Cat said to Alice, if you don't know where you're going, any road will do. That damn indignant face of a smug bastard reminds me to know where I want to go before taking the first step.

I have been still for too long. There's an old saying my gramma used to say, "Still water runs deep". Sorry gramma, with all due respect, still water can also stink. I think I'm starting to stink.

I'm looking for my passion. But everywhere I look, it's no where to be found.

One friend advised that passion was something we find after we develop our craft. That would mean craft is the driving force, and passion is in the backseat waiting for you to realize the drive is a lot of fun.

Not sure about that.

Another friend suggested to try a number of things like painting or photography and see what I would like to do. I'm thinking photography could be fun. But I don't want to take pictures of people. I want to take pictures of oddities. I saw a coffee cup on the beach, washed into the sand by constant beating of the waves. The beauty of the beach, coupled with the disgust of man's inconsideration of nature's beauty was a paradox. I was intrigued.

We have friends whom consider themselves artists. Some are painters, dancers, singers. And yes some are writers and photographers.

Is that where art ends? Can it be anything that breeds creativity? Or does creativity breed art?

In Seth Godin's book, "Linchpin", he stipulates that all of us have art inside of us. We suppress it out of fear, and self doubt. He says that the art is the one thing that exists deep within us that we would gladly do for free, if we could. We let money get in our way.

I don't think money has anything to do with it. I think it is fear and fear alone that keeps us still.

I'm no longer willing to sit still. I'm going to do stuff. I don't know if I'll find my art in the process. I can't mentally afford to stink any more.

Two questions for you today...
1. Have you identified your art?
2. Are you stinking in your own still water?

Happy Thursday!

Rick