Raising kids

Who teaches us how to raise kids? Don't we take the best stuff we were taught from our parents and try to leave the crappy stuff behind, in hopes we are a bit better at it than the people who raised us? 

Some read books, take parenting courses, and go to self help seminars. Ultimately we try to raise our kids the best way we know how. Anyone who has more than one child will know that each is very different. The same strategies that worked on one will probably not work on the other.

I asked my parents how they graded themselves as parents. They said that all they wanted for us was to get an education, stay out of trouble, and to be happy. They were very proud of their children, which meant they felt they did a good job as parents. Who can argue with that?

I didn't have the perfect childhood. I wasn't the greatest son. But the skills my parents instilled in me have come through as an adult.

Now I'm the parent. There's always crisis management in my house, an inability to get along, an argument over a toy, the TV or the computer. Sometimes I feel our house is a jungle. Yet, I talk to other parents and it seems that every house is in chaos. We go out in public, we put on the brave face and hope our kids act more like angels than the devils they are at home.  

Funny enough, they usually behave exceptionally well in public. There were a couple of temper tantrums at Walmart that will remain with me forever. Walking out of a store in front of a couple of hundred people with one kid towed by the hand and the other screaming in a cart is an unforgettable memory.  Yet, we leave them with a babysitter or a grandparent for a few hours and we're always shocked to hear that they acted like angels while we were gone. There's always doubt that the babysitter may be lying to us. Do our children have dual personalities?

Kids know how to push the right buttons at the worst time. Yesterday, I watched a parent in a situation with her child at the gas station. The public demonstration was upsetting. The child obviously did something she wasn't supposed to. We've all been there. But the public berating of a 3 year old was too much. The mother screamed at her child for more than two minutes in front of all the patrons of the store. You could bust the tension with a needle.  I felt bad for the child as tears rolled down her face. She was too young to understand that she had been publicly humiliated by her own mother. Who am I to judge? We do the best we can with what we know.

Every day presents a new set of challenges in the child rearing department. One night my mom said, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it". 

It's amazing more parents don't go crazy raising these monsters. The buggers can be the greatest source of joy and the best destructors of it within a few minutes. I think the key is to stay one step ahead of them. They think we're stupid. That's our competitive advantage...