Many believe to build good character in our children, we shouldn't let them lose. My kids started playing soccer two years ago. Rightfully, no one but the kids keep score. There are no standings. Most importantly, there isn't a championship game. Everyone gets a medal and all the kids feel great.
At school, winning isn't promoted either. It's all about participation.
The best character is developed is through losing. Learning to lose with dignity is way more important than simple participation.
Last Fall, I was playing ball hockey with my son. He was losing. Then he proceeded to whine and mope. Seeing an opportunity to teach, I refused to let him win. It would have built his self confidence, but it would also give him a false sense of accomplishment.
Over the Winter, he's been practicing in the basement. His net is smaller but his stick handling, his shooting and his defence has improved tremendously. I'm proud of him. He's legitimately beating me. When I hear him bragging to his mom, I feel good for him.
Today, on his request, we brought the basketball net in the basement. At only six feet, the shots are really easy for an adult, and tough for a child. His competitive spirit wanted to keep score. So we agreed the first person to make 10 shots would win.
After 5 shots, my son was losing 4 to 1. He started complaining. He sat on the floor, whining and sobbing. He responded that the game wasn't fair.
As another parenting moment emerged, I philosophized to him, "You only lose when you quit. If you don't quit, you can never lose." To prove my point, I tried a little less. He came back and won the game. He ran upstairs and proudly confirmed his accomplishment to his mother.
He felt great. I feel great. This is a life lesson I hope he remembers.
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